I Would Die 4 U

I am something that you'll never comprehend

Trixie understood from the beginning what she was getting herself into, since Katya was brutally honest with her intentions. She wanted her green card, but also thought Trixie was pretty hot. This meant a loveless wedding and casual sex, which had been their situation for five years now. Neither of the two women planned on getting a divorce, which was what should've happened after Katya got her papers. The Russian simply didn't mention it, and Trixie didn't mind. Even though she knew why Katya and her had matching rings around their fingers, her wedding day still felt like an accomplishment. She sometimes forgot that Katya basically took advantage of her kindness to immigrate to the USA, and it saddened her terribly when that thought crossed her mind. However, her wife was always there to cheer her up. She never asked what was the matter, but held and reassured Trixie whenever she needed it. They called each other everyday, and met at either of their place to spend the night together two or three times a week. Katya had been working at the local library since she got the right visa, and managed to move into her own flat a few months after. Before that, she used to stay at whatever cheapest motel existed. Trixie covered the expenses of most of the furniture for the new apartment. The American blonde had been more helpful than Katya could've ever dreamed of. She did all the paperwork so that Katya had health insurance, paid for anything she couldn't afford, spent hours helping her with her English and showed her around the city to prevent her from getting lost, which happened quite a few times at the beginning. Katya tried to save on her salary to buy Trixie gifts as a pay back, however she barely made enough for rent and food, so the presents were scarce. Trixie blushed and thanked Katya thousands of times whenever she offered her something. If it was a necklace she would wear it everyday from the moment she got it, and brag to her colleagues that her wife bought her this.

Even if she made it clear their marriage would be open, and that Trixie agreed to it, Katya knew the girl had no one else in her life. In all honesty, Katya rapidly stopped seeing anyone but her too, out of sheer practicality. As the years passed they inevitably got closer, there was nothing they couldn't talk about or didn't feel comfortable sharing. Trixie was enough for Katya, she was her best friend, her lover, and also something that she couldn't comprehend. It was different in the American's mind, and Katya was very aware of that. Because for Katya lover meant sex partner, but she came to the painful realization that Trixie must be somehow in love with her. There was a special sparkle in her eyes when they were together, a magic electricity running through the blonde's skin when they had sex. Katya wanted to avoid hurting Trixie, and the best way to do so was to not change a thing. She hoped that she could fall in love with Trixie, which shouldn't be hard considering how perfect she was. However they had met six years ago, and the Russian's heart was still frozen.

"Hey" Katya greeted, handing Trixie a shopping bag. They had planned to see each other at Trixie's place, like almost every Friday nights.
"Hi! I missed you"

Katya hugged the girl as a reply and they sat down on the couch. Trixie opened her gift and smiled fondly like it was the most precious thing on earth.

"They are wonderful. Thank you thank you Kat" She said and kissed her wife's temple. The earrings she received matched the other pieces of jewelry Katya gave her, she almost had the complete set.

"You're welcome cutie. Let's eat"

They both reached down to grab a slice of pizza and put on the show they were watching together at the moment. Three episodes in, they had emptied the box and Katya turned off the TV when the credits started rolling. Trixie's lips were on hers as soon as she turned towards her. Katya guided her to lay down on her back and carefully unbuttoned Trixie's blouse. The girl arched her back and unclasped her own bra hastily, wanting to feel Katya's lips and hands on her boobs. The blonde didn't waste any time to do so, and fondled the soft flesh of her tits while kissing Trixie's jaw and neck. Katya's mouth suddenly stilled and she frowned, she felt a lump that she never noticed before deep inside Trixie's left breast.

"Is something wrong?" Trixie asked a bit out of breath, feeling Katya's tense body.
"Do you feel that?" Katya said. She lead Trixie's hand to the right place and looked in her eyes.
"Yes... What is it?"
"I don't know, we'll go see a doctor tomorrow. It could be anything, don't worry too much okay?" Katya calmly replied, trying to ease Trixie's mind. She could tell the girl was already panicking from the frightened look she gave her. Katya wasn't peaceful either, but didn't let it show.

"Okay. I don't really feel like having sex now, I'm sorry"
"Don't be sorry baby. It's totally fine"

Trixie smiled and sat up to hug Katya. She sighed and relaxed in the Russian's warmth, her strong arms but soft touch, and her silky smooth lips that made her skin tingle where they pressed kisses on her shoulders.

"I'll clean everything up, you can go home if you want" Trixie proposed reluctantly.
"I'd rather sleep with you in my arms" Katya replied, giving Trixie the answer she hoped for. They put away the mess and got ready for bed. Trixie cuddled against Katya, who held her tighter than she normally would. They kissed good night, even though it was something they usually only did while fucking.

The next morning, Katya woke up early since she worked from eight am to one pm. Trixie got out of bed too, and sat alone in her living room while Katya took a shower. She called her doctor, who gave her the address of a good oncologist where she could get checked.

"I have an appointment this afternoon at three pm." She said to Katya who was putting her shoes on.
"Okay. I'll come pick you up half an hour before"

Trixie nodded and closed the door behind Katya. She was stressing out badly, her health had never been a problem and now she was wondering what she had done wrong to deserve this. She wasn't a smoker, not a heavy drinker either, ate healthy and exercised once a day if she could. When the door rang at two thirty, she had already made up all the possible scenarios that could unfold after her mammography. The one thing that scared her the most was going into whatever the future held for her alone.

The doctor was a middle aged woman, who was surprisingly nice, she accepted that Katya stayed in the room during the exam. Having your boobs pressed between two glass walls was certainly not enjoyable, but Katya held Trixie's hand and made it all more bearable. Although the worst part had to be waiting for results. It was two full weeks until the oncologist gave her final opinion. Katya and Trixie saw each other more frequently during this time, since Trixie desperately needed to be entertained or she ruined her mind with dark thoughts.

The two girls slept together the night before the awaited results. They walked in the doctor's office hand in hand and sat down side by side, telling themselves they were ready to hear the news, but truly nothing could've prepared them for it. Trixie had breast cancer, the tumor was well developed and potentially generated metastases elsewhere. Katya felt like a bucket of ice had been thrown at her. She swallowed and squeezed her wife's hand. Tears pricked in her eyes and fell down her cheeks, she was unable to hold them back. She looked over at Trixie who was just staring blankly ahead, nodding to the doctor's explanation. They left half an hour later and planned another appointment to discuss Trixie's options in depth. The ride to the blonde's place was silent, and Katya understood it would take some time for her to process the situation. They ate dinner together without talking about the obvious subject, and then continued their series.

Trixie was under the shower when she broke down. Katya heard her cries and let her have her moment, while staying near in case Trixie needed her. However she was still in the cabin after twenty minutes, and Katya started to get worried.

"Hey, are you alright in there?" She asked, knocking on the blurred glass door. The water turned off and Trixie opened the stall. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her lips quivering with soft sobs. She leaned forward and rested her body on Katya's, then let herself cry again. Katya rubbed Trixie's back and grabbed a towel to wrap it around her shoulders.

"Let's go lay down baby" She whispered. Trixie followed Katya to the bedroom and hid her face in the girl's neck.

"Please don't waste your energy on me. I'd rather keep our relationship like it was before than lose you because you're tired of having to hold my hand through every hardship." Trixie mumbled.
"Trix, no. We're married after all, and my duty is to be by your side. I want to be there for you, you can rely on me."
"We both know our wedding is as fake as my teeth" Trixie chuckled sadly.
"I don't care. I have this ring around my finger, your name next to mine, and you mean a whole lot to me. I'm not doing this because I owe you, or out of pity."

Trixie took in Katya's words and hoped that she was being honest. She trusted her, but always had a hard time believing someone could care about her this much.
"You're an angel." She replied.