I Would Die 4 U

All I really need is to know that you believe

Working at the library meant that Katya needed to put her phone on silent mode all the time. She tried to check it once in a while to see if anyone had called her, however on this Saturday morning, she was really busy. Her boss told her to empty out multiple boxes of new books and put them in the right section. It was laborious and boring, so Katya decided to do it all at once without taking breaks to get it over with.

Trixie knew Katya would probably not pick up, but she still tried to call considering how important what she had to tell her was. She got sent to voicemail two times and decided to send a text instead.

*Hey baby, they have finally found a donor! I'm so happy. In a few hours this will be behind us. I'm leaving for the hospital now, they need to do the transplant as soon as possible. I know you're worried, but you should be able to see me this afternoon. I love you Kat, so so much*

Once at the hospital, Trixie was lead to a special room where she undressed and took a shower with specific products. She put on the sterile gown a nurse gave her and was ready to start the operation. She laid down on the table while ten agitated people moved around in the room.

"Breathe in deeply, close your eyes" The anesthetist told while putting a gas mask on Trixie, and she blacked out.

A wild range of emotions hit Katya when she read Trixie's message, more than two hours after she sent it. She was glad the long wait for a donor was over, scared about how the surgery would go, and mad at herself for not looking at her phone earlier. Besides, Katya knew the kiss she gave to Trixie this morning could be the last. There could be complications during the transplant, but even once it was done, a graft rejection was possible. As soon as her shift was over, she went to the hospital and asked where her wife was. Apparently the surgery was still going on, and Katya had to wait in the reception. She only left her seat to buy a gift for Trixie at a local store, and to smoke. When the nurse told her she could meet the surgeon who operated Trixie, Katya's intrusive thoughts became out of control. Her mind compelled her to believe something bad must've happened if she couldn't see her wife right away. The doctor was waiting for Katya in a hallway, and they shook hands once she arrived in front of him.

"Good afternoon. We completed the transplant half an hour ago, your wife is still in recovery. She should wake up in an hour or so. The surgery seemed successful, but we can never tell if the body will properly accommodate to the transplant. I think you also know the life expectancy with a transplanted organ is in general shorter. Although in this case the fact that your wife is pretty young could offer her a similar survival to the average." The middle-aged man said in a calm tone, while Katya tried to register everything and understand if it was good or bad news.

"Can I see her?" She asked expectantly.
"Her room is right there, but let her wake up by herself. No loud sounds or light, and she needs to stay laid down on the bed. You can't hug her either. Call a nurse once she's awaken and she will explain all the rules in detail. If you don't have anymore questions, I wish you a good day."
"Okay, thank you. Have a nice day"

Katya watched the doctor walk away and pushed the door to Trixie's room open. There she was, with three different machines hooked on her, her lips parted open and a lifeless expression on her face. Katya had never seen Trixie look so weak and sick, her skin was pale and her hair dull. She took a chair from the corner of the room and brought it right next to her wife. Katya set the big pink teddy bear she bought on her lap and looked at the sleeping blonde. She was still so beautiful, Katya thought. A lot had changed in six years, and yet Katya knew she would still be dazed by Trixie's appearance if they met for the first time today. Katya had expected to be underwhelmed by the pretty girl, because surely her personality couldn't be as complex and appealing as her physique. However, through a few conversations at the library or out in a park, Katya learned how smart and fascinating Trixie was.

Katya was startled by a sigh escaping her wife's lips. Her body moved around under the white sheet, and she bumped her legs on each side of the narrow bed. Trixie winced and finally opened her eyes. Her mind was fuzzy and her vision still blurry, she didn't understand where she was. All her worries disappeared when she saw her wife smiling, looking at her like a priceless treasure.

"Hey baby. You made it" Katya whispered.
"Thanks to you" Trixie croaked out, her dry throat hurting from saying these words.

Like she could read her mind, Katya looked around for a water bottle, and brought it back to Trixie when she found one.

"Wait! I don't know if you're allowed to drink yet. We need to ask a nurse, I'm sorry." Katya explained and put the bottle down on the bedside table.

A nurse came to check up on Trixie and she was allowed to quench her thirst. She was fully conscious now, and the woman explained to Trixie what medication she had to take daily from now on. Having a perfect compliance to the treatment was absolutely necessary, and Katya was determined to help her wife stay on track with her pills. They also learned that Trixie would have to stay at the hospital until Monday at least, and Katya asked if she could sleep in Trixie's room.

"We can't set another bed here, and you're not allowed to bring a mattress from outside of the hospital" The nurse replied, visibly annoyed.
"I'll sleep in the chair" Katya said, and the frown on Trixie's face showed that she wasn't pleased with this idea. The woman in scrubs shrugged and left the room.

"Baby you're not sleeping here if you don't have a proper bed. Besides we can't cuddle so it's better if you just go home." Trixie protested.
"I'm not leaving you. I wanna be there if anything happens. Look, I got you this" Katya changed the subject and gave Trixie the teddy bear.
"Thank you my love, it's really cute. See I can just have this with me here and you can get a good night's sleep in our bed"
"I am sleeping in this room tonight, and tomorrow night too, until you're able to come home with me. That's it."

Trixie sighed and shook her head. Katya had always been stubborn, and even though it could be annoying, it was also lovely. She stayed with Trixie throughout the weekend and drove them back to their place on Monday afternoon. Katya hung up a special calendar for Trixie's medication in the kitchen. It was a dream come true to see her wife recovering more and more each day. Trixie's scars faded over time like the tough memories of her battle against cancer. She was still under a monthly control, but the oncologist was confident that it was over now.

Katya organized a special dinner for her and Trixie on the day of their wedding's sixth anniversary. They usually never did anything, since there used to be no love to celebrate, at least for Katya. She would've taken her wife out, however she preferred to keep this night intimate. When Trixie came back from work, Katya told her to get ready while she cooked. The blonde gave her a questioning smile and went to the bathroom to doll herself up. She knew what day it was, and wondered if Katya was aware too. Each June tenth, Trixie looked at their wedding pictures wistfully and remembered how happy she had been that day. She was already so in love back then, and willed to do anything to keep Katya by her side. Trixie knew and feared the very real possibility that the Russian would ask for a divorce and disappear as soon as she got her papers. Luckily it never happened, and Trixie was glad she took the crazy decision of marrying a girl she met a few months before.

At the end of the dinner, Katya brought all the dirty dishes in the kitchen and sat back down across her wife. She took Trixie's right hand in hers and enjoyed how soft it was.

"Our relationship hasn't been very fair to you, I abused your kindness and love to have things go my way. I know you suffered because of me, and I'm sorry. I'll give you what you deserve now, I promise you I will redeem myself. This is why I want to ask you this question again, without any afterthought this time. Will you marry me?"

Katya put down the open box which held the missing piece of Trixie's jewelry set, a ring, on the table. She hadn't planned this, but it all fell into place during the past year. Trixie gasped and she stared at the shiny diamond.

"I want to make sure you know that if we weren't already married, I would ask for your hand now." Katya added.
"I'll marry you anytime baby" Trixie replied and leaned forward to kiss her wife.

the end 💖