I’m sorry.
There, I said it.
I was wrong, you were right, whatever you want to say.
You were right for an entire second, congratulations. You totally deserved to be able to throw a punch at me. I deserved that as well, or so you think.
Believe it or not, I am a human being and I deserve to be treated as one. Until you can treat me as one, I’m sorry, but I’m leaving.
Goodbye, Samuel.
I dangled the pen above the paper, wondering if I should mark it out all over again. I had written many, many different versions of this exact letter and I personally was tired of looking at the words.
I heard footsteps and I opened the door, expecting Samuel. It wasn’t Samuel; it was instead a little girl with brunette ringlets down to her shoulders, much like mine.
“Hi, mommy,” She said, waving her little hand at me.
“Hi, little girl, I’m not your mommy. Where is your mommy?” I asked, coming closer to her.
“Yes, she is your mommy, Mia. That’s your mommy.” A familiar voice said. I peeked out the door.
“Who’s there?” I asked, closing the door to where I could only see through a tiny crack.
“It’s Jamie, Bails. She misses her mom. She’s two now and has only seen your face when she was born. She needs you. She needs her mom.” The voice said, pushing the door open with one hand. It was Jamie, my ex-boyfriend.
“Well, I can’t help her. She’s not my daughter. That’s your girlfriend’s daughter. Remember?” I said, looking around, keeping watch for Samuel.
“You can’t keep pretending. I was there when she was born. Mia came out of you. She needs you.” He said, picking her up and holding her out to me. She struggled in the air.
“I can and I will. You can’t stop me.” I needed him to be gone or Samuel would think I was cheating on him, but in fact it was completely opposite.
“Please, Bailey, just help me. I’m not asking you to take her on by yourself, just help me.” Jamie pleaded, still holding the girl in mid-air.
“How can I help you?” I exclaimed throwing my hands in the air. “I need help myself,” I said quieter.
“Come over a few times a week, spend time with her. You promised that you’d help. I’ll help you.” He said his eyes big blue orbs.
“You can’t help me! I’m helpless. You can’t help me, and I can’t help you. I really can’t help her. I barely know her.” I said, sitting down with my head in my hands.
“What do you need help with? I can help.” He said, sitting next to me.
"You can’t help,” I repeated.
“I bet I can.” He said. Dang, he was still very persistent.
"I’m being abused. There, are you happy?” I said, getting up and sitting in the living room’s arm chair. I sunk into its comforting leather.
“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked frantically. I stared forward with a blank emptiness appearing in my glance.
"Because you weren’t here.” I said.
“Oh.” He said, sinking into the couch.
“Yeah, see, you can’t help.” I said satisfied that I was right for once. “No one can help.”
"I could help, if you’d let me.” Jamie said, putting Mia on his lap. I noticed her eyes were a mud brown like mine. I softened.
“You’d better go, Samuel will be home soon. I don’t want to both of us being beaten.” I said sadly. I wished Jamie could take me with him, but I knew better. Samuel would find me and beat me harder. I raised my hand to my left thigh, where a bruise was beginning to yellow. I hissed in pain when my fingers came in contact with my thigh.
“Why mommy hurt?” Mia asked in her adorable baby talk.
I picked her up. “Mommy is okay. We’ll be okay soon, I promise, but now you have to be with Daddy.”
“Does this mean that you’ll be with me?” Jamie asked, taking Mia from my arms.
“I’ll be with Mia, when I can, but I don’t know about us. Maybe if I ever get out of the mess I’m in currently.”
“I’ll get you out of this. I promise.” He said, before going out the door.
After they left, I walked back over to the desk where my letter was. I picked it up and all the other crumpled balls of paper and threw them away in the kitchen trash can.
“I’m home, babe! What’s for dinner?” I heard Samuel’s voice ring through the little apartment.
I had forgotten to cook dinner again, the third time this week. He was going to beat me long and hard tonight, but I would be okay. This time I had something to fight for.
Hold on Mia, momma will be home soon. Just a little bit longer.
