There's only one way to end this

There's only one way to end this

A/N: Got asked if I could write an Otis death fic, I'm not super comfortable to write this so it'll will be the only time I do this. If you or anybody you know needs to reach out to someone always remember you're never alone. Please contact the local authorities if you or your friends are in danger.

DO NOT read if you're triggered by self-harm / suicide attempts!!

I'll set this during season 6 round episode 20/21 when Joe went to see his high school gf, I wanted to slap him through the screen for this. Otis is back on Truck but he thinks 51 wants to replace him. After shift he wants to talk to Joe but the latter isn't home as we know. I'll put a trigger warning further below as well.

Written in Otis' POV until a certain point

Today's shift was supposed to be like every other shift or even better since it was my week of being back, it was supposed to go by effortlessly but it didn't. I thought everyone would be happy to have me back. You know when you have this feeling inside you telling you you're going to have a bad day, well this is how my day started. This is how my day spiraled down and I found the only way to end it.

I was so glad to be finally back on Truck, had a little competition with Stella on who shall drive the truck from now on. She was adamant about it but finally let it go, said she'll drive it when I'm dead. Joe and Brett had this death stare contest going on about his high school girlfriend, I swear if looks could kill, one of them would drop dead. Truck, Squad and Ambo had been called to an Auto Shop fire, nothing we couldn't handle. Although one firefighter who Herrmann knew gave his life in this fire because he went back in for us. This and the feeling I don't belong here anymore made me feel sick to my stomach.

Once back to the Firehouse, shift finished soon without any great interruption from another call, just me having a definitive objective for tonight; putting an end to my suffering.

I was heading straight home without going to Molly's, I didn't want to hear anyone saying they're happy to have me back because I knew they were lying. As I arrived home, I took one last view of the life I had shared with my best friends before heading to the bathroom.

/!\ TRIGGER WARNING read with caution please or skip till Brett's POV

As I stood there, tears sprinkled in my eyes. I couldn't handle it anymore. I had written two letters for Joe and Sylvie, one for Casey as well, he's always been an amazing captain. Stella's wish would finally come true; she will be driving the Truck from now on. I took the razor and began the point of no return action.

Brett's POV

I came home to a much too quiet apartment, I already knew where Joe is and it pissed me off but where the hell was Otis. I hadn't seen him at Molly's. I entered the living room, no one. I had an uneasy feeling in the back of my mind, like something bad was going on. I entered the bathroom and what I saw made me threw up. Otis was laying on the floor, unconscious; wrists slit open, blood dripping everywhere. Tears began falling down my cheeks as I checked to find pulse, when I found none I cursed. Dammit Brian why have you done this. I pulled my cellphone out, calling Joe.

'Joe you... you need to come home please. Otis... is dead...' As I pronounced these words, I thought I'd never say I completely broke down. That's when I noticed three envelopes, one for Joe, one for me and the last one for Casey. With shaky fingers, I began to read Brian's goodbye letter.

Dear Sylvie if you're reading this then it's already too late. I wanted to thank you for having been the most awesomest best friend I could ask for. You always knew how to make me laugh. Your smile is like a sunshine, you brighten up every room you walk in. Never change that about you. The last few months have been the most difficult ones I have ever experienced in my entire career let alone my life, I felt like I wasn't a part of 51 anymore. Like Otis was long gone, replaced by either this Cordova jerk or Stella. You are an awesome paramedic, never doubt yourself. I'm sure you'll soon find the Casey to your heart. (A/N: Remember season 6 was still Dawsey. Little foreshadowing :p)