As I placed my bike in the bike parking spot, the bells rang.
I walked fast down the stairs and opened the door to the classroom. The teacher was there and almost everybody.
But it was okay, I arrived just in time. I took down my chair from the table and placed my bag by the side.
Looking around at all the people. Friends. My classmates.
I knew who was missing cause it's always the same people that arrive late.
2 minutes later I could hear the door open behind me. It was him.
As always he's a bit late, but not as late as that guy,who always arrives at 8:15.
He walked confidently into the room and sat by his table. He was everything to me.
And nothing at the same time. Class started and the day went on.
I would look at him from time to time.
He hates me, for some reason. In 5th grade I liked him. It was a crush.
Now I don't like him. He's very handsome and he's nice to his friends.
I don't know what wrong, I ever did him.
I always triesto be nice and speak kindly to him.
He blocked me on Snapchat and Instagram before I added him.
We have been in the same class for almost four years and we have never spoken much to each other.
I tried to talk to him. We play the same sport and practice together.
If I place my things in one side of the room, he will move to the other side.
We were once seated beside each other.
I sat by the table while he moved over by the door. When we were seated differently he sat by the table.
It was not because he couldn't sit beside a girl. He couldn't sit beside me. Not even that.
He despise me. The girls told me that he started talking to them.
I'm happy that he does. He should not stay silent. When I was not home, some people from the class was out walking in the evening.
We have done that many times.
This time I was not there.
My friend told me that he hugged them all goodbye and walked with one of the other girls home.
They were going the same direction so it made sense. They also hugged goodbye. If I was there it would not have happened.
It makes me feel bad. When I'm there he can't act like himself. If I was there, no hugs would have been shared.
Why? I don't like him, but I feel jealous and guilty. Why does he hate me that much? Why do I crave for his approach? It makes me miserable.
I'm not pretty. My mom says otherwise and my friend says otherwise.
She is much prettier than me. Many friends says that I'm funny, but he never laughs. He never smiles at me. Not once has he done so.
The girls always teases me about him. They say I like him, but I don't.
My friend said, that I probably like him for the fact that he hates me.
The cold shoulder and the way I hurt myself. I like it. Do I? Do I like going through this pain all the time? Watching and caring about a person that dislikes me to that extinct?
He probably wouldn't even cry if I left. But when he's just not there, it hurts. It hurts. It's always like this.
They never like me. Not even smiles at me. Or care that I care. But I can't stop.
Because it's him.
