Thick & Thin

My Forgotten Love

He leans me against the closest while kissing me passionately. With every kiss,it makes me crave him more. I hold our bodies close together, he touches my skin, his thick, cold touch chills me. I bend my neck, giving him every inch of me. "keep going, Elijah..."

Present Time:

I woke up with the soft scent of freshly washed hair, it was him laying in bed, observing me while I slept. A smile crosses my face when he laughs, "I missed you when you were asleep". I ruffle his hair with my fingers, and get out of bed: "well, now I'm awake and very very hungry."

We kiss goodbye after a nice, long breakfast, and then I head to work. On my way there, I see all of the happy families on the streets of New York. I think about my past childhood, and how shitty it was. The only food that I got were scraps, and the only care they ever gave me was the kind that made CPS believe that I was in good hands, I still remember the way I felt when I made them mad, the pain I endured when I didn't eat for 4 days. I never had a real family, I just had people who legally needed to support me until I was 18, or in my case, 16. 

My parents died when I was an awfully young child, I had no relatives, so, unfortunately, I was put in the broken system and was given to Mike & Angela. I get night terrors sometimes from my trauma, but my boyfriend doesn't know that. Adrien asks every day if he can meet my "parents", but the only answer I've ever given him was that they are far, very far. 

My main excuse for everyone when it comes to them: they are not coming back for a while, they live in Iceland, while I stay here for work. The only man that knows everything, and anything about my life is him, my very first boyfriend, Elijah Barrett.

Elijah technically is my husband, we got married in kindergarten under the cherry blossom tree in the backyard of his house. With every fear that I had, he made it go away, one word, and everything left my body. I was a little young to know the definition of love, but I did know the feeling. 

I know how he made me feel, and I love Adrien so much, but Elijah... Elijah is different. We were childhood soulmates, when he saw me flinch at the movement of everyone, and the injuries that I had an excuse for, he realized what was going on at home. When we were 14 he made me a promise that when he was rich, he would build a whole other life for me, all of my worries would be gone, & all of the fear would be gone. 

Two years later, I ran away, the night I ran away was the night that determined my future, and if I was going to live or not. I made the life or death choice in that situation, but I never saw him again. I moved over a thousand miles away from the town I called home, and never looked back.

I know that the perfect mother doesn't exist, but the last thing I want to be is what I grew up with. I want my child to be cared for when they're sick, I want to sing them lullabies before bed, and I want to remind them to brush their teeth every night. Most importantly, I want to give them the love that I never got. 

The thing about Adrien is that I don't think he wants to actually have kids. I don't think that he wants the desired life that I've longed for. I love both of them deeply, but I always thought about the fact that Elijah wanted 27 children...

-Elena Castillo