What's Right

What the Hell

It's funny how nothing really matters at all. Who cares? Why should I care? Especially when you live on rock bottom. When you've got nothing to fear it is so easy to just do whatever you want. What are you going to do? Take the people I care about? Take my home? Give up on me? Go for it. I've been there done that and I'm not scared.
When you are born into a broken home and never leave it's easy. Go ahead scream at me. Take whatever you want. I never had anything to begin with. Every damn day I wish I'd wake up in anyone else's head besides my own. You think I value my life? You're fucking stupid if you do.
When you have nothing to lose you'll stop caring too. I never thought it was possible. Until it happened. I can't cope with reality anymore. I spend my days distracted by anything. Then at night when the thoughts won't stop screaming I drown them in things I never should have touched. I'm 19 for fucks sake. Why am I so sad? Why can't I remember the last night I was sober? Why am I losing everything. Why do I have to suffer so damn much? I just want my home back. I just need a safe place. Somewhere to catch one breath.
It reminds me of falling in a crowd. When you hit the ground and can't get up because there's so many people and no one stops. Not one person holds out their hand and says, are you okay? Even if they did there'd be so many footprints in my back I wouldn't even be able to lie and say yes. Because the truth is I'm not. I need help so badly. I just need to find a footing but the crowd won't stop running and no one will stop for me. I don't need a superhero I just need a hand. It feels like so much to ask but is it really? I just need a safe place. Just one lending hand. Just one generous person. Because I used to be the generous person. I would have stopped for me. But no one stops for me. So I wish someone would just step on my throat already and get it over with.