What's Right

My 10th Birthday

I've realized why the weekends got quiet
I used to get excited,
"I'm going to my dad's this weekend!"
But as I piece together the fragments of my childhood, this story unfolded.
The reason why it became,
"I'm with my dad this weekend, sorry"

It was my 10th birthday
We were supposed to have a family dinner,
And how rare those were now.
You of all people should understand
That desire to have dinner with both parents
So
I sat at that window for hours
I remember getting teary eyed
Reminding myself that this was my dad
He wasn't going to let me down, right?
So I waited.
At that window
On the couch
Mom finished dinner
We ate.
You never came.
I didn't have cake,
It didn't feel like my birthday anymore.
I remember being dumbfounded
I was speechless.
No one heard from you that night
You said you were working late,
But you were a car detailer
Five o'clock was your boss.
You cleaned cars for a living
There were never late nights.
I know you lied, dad.
I knew at 10 years old you were a liar
And I remember being dumbfounded
I was speechless.

So the weekends got quiet
Because what do you say?
When you know your dad wasn't working late on your 10th birthday.
He never did
How do you play a board game with him?
How can you sit beside him and watch tv?
When you know he lied
But he'll never admit why our weekends got quiet

At ten I didn't understand.
But I noticed my silence
And the worst part is I blamed myself
At ten I believed it was my fault you never showed