The Darkness Inside Me|InuOkko

Chapter 1

"I want to be needed. I want to know that it's okay for me to live!" Those words rang out in Yuuta Okkotsu's ears every day. Now that he has freed Rika from her curse, the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and self hatred seems to be never ending. It's only been two months yet he has managed to push everyone away. The realization of what his love for Rika had done to her, that he himself turned her into that curse, broke him into pieces. Yuuta had allowed him to get close to his friends at first because deep, deep down he refused to accept that his love and care for someone could hurt them.

The broken shell of Yuuta Okkotsu hadn't realized he was crying again until his vision had begun to blur. He had hurt those who only wanted to help him by isolating himself. He wanted to beg them for forgiveness, yet could hardly get the motivation to push them away. Maki had stopped checking in on him after a week of him being unresponsive. Panda had given him three weeks before he too stopped bothering himself with concern for Yuuta. Those two stopping their check-ins didn't bother him as much. One week ago, Toge; sweet, kind Toge who spoke onigiri ingredients so he didn't hurt others with his cursed speech, stopped checking on him too. That bothered him more than he could ever say, but he knew that it was all his fault.

Gojo, his very immature and ever so slightly annoying teacher, still came to check on him daily, but it wasn't worth it in Yuuta's mind. Yuuta was replaceable, maybe not on a power level, but in terms of friendship and possible love, he was very easily replaceable. For the first time in two months, Yuuta forced himself to get out of bed to go outside. His bones cracked and popped stiff from the long hours of just lying in bed feeling nothing but hollow and empty. He grabs his phone that had found residence on his nightstand over the time since Christmas. He pressed the power button gently to light up his phone; he wasn't surprised to see no new messages or calls, just a little sad.

The broken, incomplete shell of Yuuta Okkotsu walked out of his room for the first time that week. The sad, broken, self resentful boy heard laughter coming from the communal kitchen and felt a pang of sorrow in his chest. He recognized those laughs more than he even recognized his own voice since he hadn't spoken much in two months. Maki, Panda, even sweet, kind Toge were laughing in joy. The boy knew he shouldn't go to the kitchen where his friends, former friends?, were, but even so he felt himself walk to the area where laughter ensued. His dark, navy blue eyes stared almost lifelessly at the three of them who hadn't even noticed him standing there.

"Yuuta needs to leave if he can't stop moping about in his room. He left us with his mess to clean up, especially after his fight with Geto. He acts like he's the victim when he cursed Rika." Maki's words pierced Yuuta through his core. She was right and it made him feel even more worthless to them than before. A wave of hunger washes over him, but he ignores it. He hadn't been eating like he should, despite his sensei's constant reminders. If he had not been wearing a baggy shirt, maybe others would notice how his already slim figure was getting skinnier by the week, but that's exactly why he wore the baggy shirt. He didn't want anyone to worry about him anymore. He just wanted to disappear. Panda is the first to notice his presence at the door; Yuuta knew because he saw the precise moment when the animal's jaw opened in shock and disbelief.

"Yuuta..."

"Yeah, that's what I just said." Maki looked at Panda, obviously annoyed at the repetition of their classmate's name. Yuuta couldn't blame her though, he wanted them to stop caring about him, so he could end it all.

"Maki, behind you..." Panda tried again to bring attention to the remaining broken shell of Yuuta Okkotsu standing in the doorway. Maki's eyes widened in realization and guilt as she finally understood what Panda meant. Yuuta doesn't care much for Panda's or Maki's reactions. He knew he should, that normally he would, but he felt too hollowed out to do so. Inumaki Toge, the boy who Yuuta was ready to sacrifice himself to Rika just to protect, stared at Yuuta. The violet eyes that Yuuta adored so much were filled with many emotions Yuuta couldn't bring himself to think about, but one emotion stood out to him and it made his self-hatred grow even more. The betrayal that was clear as day in Toge's eyes made him want to get rid of himself forever.