summer with you

♡˖꒰1꒱˖♡

Lowercase letters
Try reading it by listening to yellow by Coldplay

"my biggest mistake wasn't  falling in love with you , it was thinking that you had fallen for me too"

"first love?" its something so beautiful,something so new to your heart, feelings like heart thumping in your chest or butterflies erupting in your belly when they get close to you, feeling so happy when you spend your time with them, how care free they make you feel, the desire to get close to them and become someone that's more than a friend to them, all of these feelings are so special and probably feeling them for the first time in your life makes the person so special to you so you remember your first love even after years and you still have a small adoration for them. 

kim jian was trying to fool herself into thinking she's over him. "he's my first love so it will take time i guess" she kept telling herself that for 2 years but deep down she always loved him, she never moved on, despite getting rejected she never stopped loving him. that day was one of the brutal days in her life. she confessed her feelings to oh sehun, he was jongin's friend, jongin was her cousin. sehun first came to their village with jongin when she was 10 to spend his summer there. she didn't really like him at the start but as passed they became best friends as he used spend every summer with them. god knows when she started falling for him, but it just happened. she was scared at first " will it ruin our friendship?" , "will he hate me?", "maybe he likes me back too", " what if he stops talking to me" all this questions were haunting her head when she realised she was in love with him. finally after 2 years when she was 16 she confessed her feelings to him. oh how she regrets doing that. only if she can turn back the time. all of her fears came true.......

july 12th 1999

2 years ago

"come on jian, you can do this, i already told him you want to talk to him he's waiting for you" jongin was pushing jian into the railway platform where sehun was waiting for her. it was the time jongin and sehun were heading back to seoul as it was end of summer but she wanted to confess her feelings to him, and here they are. 

she walked over to him, who seemed to be taking in the fresh air that was blowing with his eyes closed. oh how good he looked at the moment. she got out of her trance after sehun called her.

"hellloooo geniee jian" genie jian was a nickname he gave to her because he thought they rhymed well.

her heart was thumping nervously, knees weak, she was so nervous. as if he could see through her , he got up and asked her if anything is wrong. no response. he placed his hands on her shoulders and shook her gently. her heart picked up a weird rythm but this time due to how close he was to her. 

"not the right time" she scolded herself mentally. "sehun i have something to tell to you" he acknowledged her with a encouraging smile and that was enough for her.

she pulled out a small envelope from her pocket. it was a plain white one with a small heart drawn near the opening. she handed it to him as she was burning holes in her shoes. he took it from her their fingers brushing for a second, only if he knows the effect he has on her. 

he examined the letter and was about to open it but got startled when jian screamed so loud that for a second he thought he would go deaf.

he had his famous poker face as he stared at her with an unimpressed look. it would always make jian laugh despite what but she didn't this time. " open it later"

the latter looked at her trying to figure out what was going in her brain. "genie is something wrong?" 

"sehun i i-......." maybe at this moment realisation dawned upon him , the heart on the letter , her weird behaviour lately, and the words that she was trying to say.

"i.. l-love-"

before she could complete what she was about to say he interupted her " jian n-no" her head jolted up to look towards him hoping her ears were fooling her. he called her jian...

 " no this cant be happening " she whispered to herself tears welling up in her eyes.

he looked frustated more like confused she couldn't tell what was going on in his head. 

" jian hurry up, the train arrived" jongin's distint voice resounded in the platform. 

"sehunah i am sor-" she tried not to look at him, tears making their way out of her eyes.

" no jian, it was my fault dont be sorry , i'm so sorry , i should have known better" he said running his fingers through his hair frustatedly.

"i'm so sorry, forgive me" that were the last words he said before he ran to catch the train. he handed back her letter before going. jian could hear the way her heart broke, it felt as if her soul was pulled out of her body, she didn't even bother to contain her sobs anymore, everything was hurting so much. he didn't even let her confess, he didn't want to read the letter she wrote for him. the most painful part was that he called her jian the whole time. regret was filling in her. only if she didn't confess her feelings. 

does this mean he will never talk to her again? negative  thoughts filled her brain. everything felt  overwhelming. she felt even more pain in her chest as she started walking back her grandma's home. every literal place she knew was filled with him, his laughter , their memories over the years , the stupid things they would do all the time . there wasn't a place which they didn't explore. the day ended with kim jian feeling empty , her heart squezzing in her chest everytime she remembers him. she is going back to busan tommorow , her school starts in 2 days and all she wanted to do was dig a hole and bury herself alive. 

and your skin, oh yeah your skin and bones 
turn into something beautiful
and you know i love you so
you know i love you so

april 24th 2002 
present 

that was the last time she saw him, the next summer he didn't come with jongin, she tried to avoid the fact that he wasn't there, but damn how it hurted every single time she would remember him, maybe after few days it got better, it didn't pain a lot she was distracting herself from thinking about him. jongin, yoora her sister,and her grandma didn't dare to bring sehun up knowing what happened. she took them by suprise by asking why sehun wasn't here this summer after few days. " he is kinda busy with school jian, he has his university entrance exams in few days, he is preparing for them, don't think that he didn't for any other reason"

or maybe he doesn't want to see me.

jongin wanted to become an idol so he auditioned in sm and got in. and sehun was preparing for an exam which she doesn't know anything about at all. it was her last year in school and she had to decide on something too, but she had an year left so who cares?

and now here she is its been 2 years since she heard from him and she's on her way to her grandma's home with her sister ready to spend her second summer without him.

"jian , jian " her sister's annoying voice took her out of her trance. 

"what?" 

" sehun is coming back this summer"

i swam across 
i jumped across for you
oh what a thing to do 
cause you were all yellow

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hello guyss its been a long time since i uploaded something and here you go 

i'll try to upload the second part asap but it will take time.

have a nicee dayyy <3

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