My Book Of Random Shit And Vents

Insecurities

(TW: Swearing)

I wanna be white so back they're so perfect and pretty
Their side profiles are perfect
Their eyes are beautiful they shine like no one is there
They're Societies Standards
Even if they are chubby they still look Gorgeous

FUCK i just wanna be something pretty i don't care what I just want to be like them I want to have shining skin, I want to have a perfect side profile but I can't ever get that can I??

Maybe if I didn't look like this I wouldn't have to go through this Sick shit, maybe if my life wasn't so goddamn hard I wouldn't take on other peoples problems and still not be able to help them

I wish I wasn't raised in this household

I wish I could keep my dumb fucking mouth closed

I wish I didn't have ADHD

I wish I wasn't Bipolar

I wish I wasn't a female

I wish I wasn't hormonal

I wish I wasn't dark skinned

I wish I wasn't dyslexic

I wish I didn't have to use grammarly for every fucking thing I type

I wish I wasn't adopted

I wish my family cared enough

I wish my real dad actually wants to see me

I wish my real mom never died

I wish I was perfect

Oh how I wish I didn't imagine myself as someone else

I wish I didn't project my feelings onto others

I wish I wasn't so weird

I wish I didn't have trust issues

I wish I wasn't always angry

I wish someone would actually like me instead of use me for my body

I wish I didn't have PTSD

I wish I wasn't schizophrenic

I wish I didn't hallucinate

I wish I didn't have night terrors

I wish my mind didn't make me relive all those nights constantly

I wish I was still pure

I wish I never went to my cousins house

I wish my crushes would like me back

I wish, I wish, I wish

Those wishes will never come true huh?

I can't even get therapy

I can't look at my aunt without breaking down

I can't look none of my family in the eye anymore

I'm scared to commit to people

I wish I wasn't so fucked up in the head

I wish I wasn't helping my aunt with all of her problems

And I wish I could help all my friends with theirs :/