For You, I'll bleed

Chapter Three

There were a few times in his life that had been significant enough to change him.

When Khun had been kidnapped, he had lost the loving and caring older brother. Khun had come back broken, and has never been the same again. With this, Kinn had been made heir to the Theerapanyakul line. The carefree life he had lived before, was gone overnight.

And nothing had prepared him for the day when his Mae got shot. It had been a horrifying day. He always thought the tall walls surrounding the mansion would keep them safe, but what they did not anticipate was the shooter to be amongst them and his Mae had been shot trying to protect him and Kim. His Papa had Chan bundled all three of them into the car and bring them to a safe house. Later Khun would faint and run a fever for a whole week and his then innocent baby brother Kim would ask him why Papa said Mae wasn't coming back anymore. Kinn had wrapped Kim in his arms and told Kim that their Mae was now amongst the stars. It was the first time Kinn experienced loss so deep and traumatic.

He threw away his heart, and replaced it with an ice cold stone when Tawan betrayed him. He was the first person Kinn gave his heart and body to, thinking that this was his soul mate. Kinn had showed him vulnerability, his insecurities, in hopes that Tawan would give him the hope and push he needs to be better. But what the bastard did was use it all as a weapon and got Kinn so bad, the caring Kinn that everyone knew died. Kinn swore never to fall for anyone again, never to care for others anymore. And he couldn't stand anyone kissing him for that memory that came with the was still too raw, too painful to forget. His love and romance had turned into blown out lust and rage as he used his boy toys just to satisfy the unfeeling monster that Tawan had created and left behind.

But then Porsche came into his life. Yeah, he had been the one to drag Porsche into it in the first place, but for the first time in a very long while, Kinn felt, human. Porsche had never treated him like how the other bodyguards have. Porsche was rude, and brash, forgoing all form of manners and Kinn was sure Porsche has never known the concept of personal space. Kinn was exasperated, annoyed, irritated, frustrated with Porsche and he was sure he would was going to suffer an aneurysm one of these days, but the smiles, those wild hand gestures, those winks, the laughter, it elicited emotions and feeling Kinn was sure he had long buried deep within him.

Porsche did not fear him like everyone does. He treats Kinn like an equal, almost a friend. Porsche had told him about his rough childhood, about his life, his younger brother, shared with Kinn his dreams, his thoughts. It made Kinn feel comfortable that he unconsciously opened up to Porsche about his own life, his own brothers. Heck, Porsche had even managed to goad Kinn into singing. Singing! A dream that not even his own brothers know. 

Kinn then realised that he cared for Porsche, he wanted to protect the man and keep him by his side forever if he could. But he wanted Porsche to be happy too, he wanted Porsche to enjoy the freedom he knew he would never be able to give, and that was why he would give his life for Porsche if it meant that Porsche could live when he saw the shooter aim at Porsche.

"You're a fool," Khun had said to him after he had woken up and Dr Bunn had checked up on him.

Kinn didn't feel up to fighting with his older brother. He was still feeling hazy from the drugs, but the stiffness in his shoulder and the constant beeping from the monitor was enough to ground him. He glanced at the monitor, taking a mental note of his own vitals before facing TanKhun.

His brother was flanked by both Pete and Arm on either sides of the chair while the man himself was wearing white fur coat over black turtle neck and black jeans. This was by far the most subdued colours he had seen on TanKhun and it was raising alarm bells in his head.

"Porsche?" He asked, eyes raking over to the three men. He took in on how solemn their faces were, those bags under Khun's eyes, the way Arm was fidgeting and Pete's wane face and he couldn't help but feel a tight vice wrap around his chest.

"Pray tell," Khun started. "Whatever made you leave the mansion without bodyguards?"

Kinn shut his eyes and gave an exasperated sigh. "I wanted to-"

"Who cares what you want! You know jolly well that you have a neon sign on the top of your head which says 'Kill me'," Khun cut him as he bent his fingers at the side of his head to make air quotes. "And yet you were stupid enough to leave the compound and go to Porsche's house without any detail. The least you could have done was take Arm with you if you don't want take Dumb and Dumber with you to play guard dogs!"

He had rushed to Porsche's place straight after leaving Pete and Porsche's shared room and he had shrugged off Big and Ken. He knew of Porsche's disdain for the two and after the punishment that they had doled out on him, Kinn didn't want Porsche to feel uncomfortable or shut him off. That was why he came alone, to just talk to Porsche without having anybody judging them, to show how sincere he was and to convince Porsche to come back to the mansion.

But it had been an oversight that he has come to regret now. "Khun, please, how is Porsche?" he pleaded.

The last memory he had was the shooter aiming at Porsche and he had jumped in front of the gun, before being shot and sliding to the ground in Porsche's arms. Was Porsche alright, was he hurt, why did he come back?

"Basically it was bad enough that we had to call Porchay back from camp and made him cry."

Kinn paled considerably at his brother's words and he was stressed enough that the monitors started to beep like crazy, causing a nurse to come into the room to check on him.

"I want to see him," he said as he fought the nurse off him.

"Khun Kinn, calm down." Both the nurse and Arm tried to say.

"I want to see Porsche, now, so help me God!" Kinn shouted, startling everyone in the room except for TanKhun. The nurse all but ran out of the room and Pete and Arm followed hot behind her, muttering about looking for the doctor and also a wheelchair.

Kinn gripped onto the sheets tightly till his knuckles turned white as he bit back the pain that seared from his shoulder and across his chest, breathing heavily. TanKhun merely glared at him from his seat.

"Just so you know, I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you. Kim is planning on pushing his finger into your bullet hole" He says. "We had to lie to Porchay and told the boy that his Hia was in an accident instead of being kidnapped from their house and stuck for a few days in the woods trying to keep your ass alive."

"Thank you for the guilt trip, Khun!" Kinn gritted out tightly.

"And you best remember it," Khun slowly got up and came closer to his brother. Gone was the crazy and funny Khun, the one standing in front of him was the cold and calculated TanKhun Theerapanyakul and somehow the look on his brother's face and the glint in his eyes sent shivers down Kinn's spine.

"Papa has P'Chan looking into the bastards that kidnapped you and Porsche. But mark my words, should Porsche survive this, he will punish Porsche and this time he will do it himself. I can protect him against Papa, but you... " Khun inched closer to his brother's face. "If I find out that you hurt him again because you decided to put your brain on your dick, I swear Kim and I will unleash our own version of hell on you."

With a dramatic flip of his coat, Khun exited the room just as Pete came in with a nurse and a wheelchair in hand.

The walk down to the ICU was quiet, Pete not daring to say anything while Kinn was deep in thoughts. The doctor was on the computer right in front of Porsche's room the moment they arrive and she immediately stood up upon seeing the two men.

"Khun Kinn, you shouldn't be out of bed." She said, eyeing them darkly.

Kinn chose to ignore her. "Please Nawar, just tell me how he's doing."

"You want the full details I suppose" she sighed and began flipping the charts from the folder that was beside her. "He was brought in with numerous cuts and contusions on him. Dr Prem noted that patient was hypotensive and upon physical examination he found that the left side of the abdomen was badly bruised and rigid, suggesting major trauma internally. He requested a CT scan and he paged me to be on standby. We both know there was internal bleeding going on. There was a tear in the spleen and Dr Win and I went in to fix it. His haemoglobin levels dropped to 6 so we're transfusing him two pints, maybe 3 depending on his levels after this. Thank god he was brought in when he did. Any later, and he could have just bled to death." Dr Nawar closed the folder.

She could see how both Kinn and his bodyguard had paled after she finished her explanation. She couldn't help but wonder if she had shared too much information. Kinn had looked pained and his eyes flitted to the prone figure on the bed through the glass door. She and Kinn had known each other for a long while now and he had never shown this kind of emotion when his other bodyguards were injured. Heck, he barely bat an eyelid when Big was brought in for a gunshot wound. And that was when she understood.

"Khun Kinn," she gently called him. The man Why hadn't he let go of Porsche sooner, free the man from him. Instead, he had shackled them together, both literally and figuratively. Bringing Porsche so close to death's door.
hummed but didn't look at her, his eyes still glued on to Porsche. "You can go in and talk to him if you'd like."

Kinn turned to look at her and she gave him a small assuring nod, before waving at the sensor to open the door. Pete pushed Kinn in, and placed him as close as he can to the bed.

"I'll um- I will go and find Khun Hnoo and um... Yeah" Pete scuttled out of the room, while the doctor settled herself back at the computer, leaving Kinn alone in the room with Porsche.

It was extremely intimidating, to see Porsche so quiet and still like this. He was always moving, always talking and laughing and smiling, so full of life. And now he looked so small, surrounded by wires and tubes, bags of infusions, medications and blood hanging by his head, the ventilator's mask covering more than half his face.

Kinn hated himself for putting Porsche into this state. It was all his fault. All of this was his fault. Kh

Gently he took Porsche's hand into his, his eyes landing on the red ring around Porsche's wrist. "The irony," he thought to himself. Why hadn't he let go of Porsche sooner, free the man from him. Instead, he had shackled them together, both literally and figuratively. Bringing Porsche so close to death's door.

The hard truth was, he wanted Porsche to be close to him. He couldn't imagine what life would be without Porsche in it. He knows he will never recover if Porsche left him.

"Tirak, i need you." He whispered, bringing Porsche's wrist to his lips. "Please, wake up, Porsche. Please..."

Tears rolled down his cheek as he silently wept. He prayed to whatever deity there was to bring Porsche back. He needed Porsche to be alright, to smack him around, laugh at his singing, call him rude names, make him horrible tasting coffee, get him blackout drunk with his herbal spirit drinks, kiss him, touch him, bring meaning to Kinn's life.

"Porsche, please, Love."

For two days, he kept his vigil by Porsche's side. His Papa came to see them twice with Chan, taking the updates from both Dr Nawar and Dr Bunn before taking the charts to have another set of doctors go through just in case. Kim and TanKhun both had dropped by too, bringing Pete, Arm, Pol and Porchay with them   They became pseudo bodyguards to the younger Kittisawat brother who looked wane and listless in Kim's arms, pleading for his Hia to wake up.

Kinn refused to budge when Dr Bunn and Dr Nawar had told him that he needed to rest, and that he was impeding his own healing, but how can he rest when Porsche was lying here all alone, and especially when Khun said he had seen Vegas loitering outside the hospital with Macau.

He was never leaving Porsche's side. Ever.

Dr Nawar had told him that they were easing the sedation and the ventilator could be removed should his breathing improved, so both he and Porschay had set up base in the room, hoping that Porsche would wake up soon.

He was dozing off by Porsche's bed,his hand fingers intertwined with Porsche's when he felt movement. Kinn sat up immediately, his shoulder protesting at the sudden movement when the monitor behind him started screeching.

"What's going on!?" He cried in alarm and within the next second two nurses came rushing into the room.

One of them went by the bed and pressed a button on the wall while the other lowered Porsche's bed completely flat. Immediately the words "CODE BLUE" echoed through the halls via the intercom.

Dr Nawar came bustling into the room with two other nurses hot on her heels.

"I'm sorry Khun Kinn but i need you to leave the room for a bit,"

"No, Nawar, please!" Kinn was protesting and trying to get out of the firm hold Dr Nawar had over him despite her smaller stature.

"Khun Kinn, let me save him. Please!" The two of them locked eyes for a moment, before Dr Nawar pushed him gently out the door and pulled the curtain behind her, obstructing Kinn's view of Porsche.

Kinn could only hear and watch the shadows move behind curtains helplessly as Dr Nawar and her team tried to resuscitate Porsche.

He slid down on to the floor, shaking. He can't lose Porsche. "No,no no please God don't take Porsche away. Please, I'll do anything. Please!"