Insane Love

.DAY FIVE.

"remember damaged people are dangerous,

they know they can survive."

I wake with a jolt, a scream fills my ears and my eyes shoot open.

I look around, frantically grabbing for air to fill my sore lungs. My eyes land on Ryder, he's tossing and turning in his small bed.

"I'm sorry!" He screams

I run to the bars that cage me in, "Ryder wake up!" I scream back to him

He continues to twist and turn, "I didn't mean to! I had no control over it! Please forgive me, I'm sorry!"

"Ryder, Ryder stop it! It's a dream! Ryder it's not your fault!"

He stops, everything at once stops. Just like it had the last time he had nightmares. All it takes it telling him it wasn't his fault, that he didn't mean to, that it's all just a twisted dream to keep him up at night. That's all it is, that's all it ever will be.

I look to the dimly lit clock at the end of the long hall, 4:27am. It'll be hours before we are to technically start our day.

I had requested a lamp so that I could read when the building lights are off, but they have yet to issue me one due to 'safety' concerns.

I look around my room, there is absolutely nothing I can do right now... Why can't I sleep like Ryder? Sure, he has nightmares sometimes, but at least he gets solid sleep throughout the night unlike me.

I think sometimes I could sleep, I'm just afraid to. I haven't had a nightmare since a month after everything happened, but I also haven't slept since then either. I get two to three hours of sleep per night, that's all. I fear the nightmares coming back so much that I'd rather be sleep deprived than risk thinking back to that day in a vivid dream.

"Babe, why are you awake?" Ryder groans from his bed as he rubs his sleepy blue eyes.

"Can't sleep, it's fine Ryder go back to bed." I offer a sleepy smile

"Well I'm not tired anymore," he laughs, "Come sit by the bars, let's talk."

I follow his steps, both of us sitting in front of the bars that confine us from each other.

"What was your childhood like?" He asks in a smooth and even tone

It's funny, really, I don't think I've ever seen Ryder Dean without a cigarette in his hand. He looks like an angel even without it.

"Normal I suppose, I was in a normal family with overprotective parents. That's why I craved rebellion so badly. That's why I was drinking underage and sneaking out to go to parties every night. I had morals, I never did drugs or slept with anyone like most of my friends, no, I just craved the burn of liquor down my throat." I smile at the memory

Ryder nods, "Do you miss it? The parties, the drinks, your friends... Do you miss any of it?"

I sigh, "I miss all of it. Sure, I'd do things differently, but I'd give anything to have just one more day with Blair. Just one more laugh, one more hug, one more movie night, one more pointless phone call, one more sideways glance, even to see her smile again in person... I'd do anything for that." I blink away tears, it wouldn't matter if I cried anyways, Ryder cannot see anything but my shadow through the darkness of the halls.

"Don't cry babe." Ryder coos from his cell

I sniffle, "I'm not crying."

"You were about to though, please don't. I cannot bare to watch you cry without me comforting you." He whispers