Swallow My Lies

Unhealthy

It had been a week since the meeting with Robert and Alexander. Robert hadn't heard anything about them since the article he wrote for Mia and him. Well technically just for Alexander but Mia did ask him to. Robert's boss was happy about it so Robert didn't have to be much worried about his work situation anymore. Not that he did anyways.

The lack of sleep was giving Robert massive headaches. He couldn't get up sometimes. He doesn't eat well and vodka has become his best mate.

The cutting didn't stop but he doesn't do it much anymore because he is too exhausted to do anything, let alone pick up a blade.

After spending a whole week in his house, let's just say his room, Robert decided to go out to a bar. It wasn't very late. About 9 pm when he got out. He went to the nearest bar and sat in a corner. He ordered some shots of vodka and too many beers.

To make thoughts leave you alone, you need to clear your mind, which is a very hard thing to do. So, many people choose the alternative. They stop thinking all together. It's very easy. Not the right thing to do but it is very easy. A lot easier than thinking about your pains. And for Robert, he just wanted to stay hidden. The experiences he had growing up, it had thought him to just keep quiet, take the pain and at some point it will finish, but he knew very well there were no guarantees that the pain wouldn't come creeping out. He knew it didn't matter how many times he marked himself so he could be forgiven or punished or just let go of, it didn't matter at all. Pain will always be there, either on the surface of your skin or just a tear rolling down your eye. Pain is felt one way or another and it never "never" goes away. Not completely.

What hurt Robert wasn't the fact that Megan died. It hurt that she had been taken away from her, but what hurt more was the thought of the fright she had felt when the accident happened. Robert knows she didn't die right away, the people who witnessed the accident said things like "She was asking for help." Or that "She was panicking." She didn't die right away. And Robert knew why she was scared. He knew it very well. She was pregnant. When the accident happened Megan was pregnant with their child. It was a girl. They were looking up for names. Robert liked Nirvana. Megan disagreed. She liked Lucy. Megan had been pregnant before, when she met Robert. She had gotten pregnant from her ex-boyfriend, she was planning on keeping it but then she had a miscarriage and Robert remembers very well how Megan reacted to that. How frightened she was. Like everything was breaking down, falling apart. No walls left anymore. Nothing beautiful. The only comfort came out of screaming.

To stop his trail of thoughts Robert ordered another shot of vodka. He could see this beautiful young woman across the bar talking to the bartender. She was very beautiful. Her black hair reaching her shoulder. He slowly got up from his chair and walked towards her.

"You are very beautiful." Robert said.

The girl took a look at him and then turned away. It was obvious he was too drunk.

"I just needed to say it. I had... to... say it." Robert said again. He then put his hand on the girl shoulder. The girl moved a little and his hand fell but then he started touching her hair.

"Don't! What is wrong with you!?" the girl said and got away from him.

"Everything." Said Robert. He then slowly sank in his thought not paying any attention to his surroundings. The girl got out of the bar.

After some time and some more drinks for Robert he saw the blurry image of a man approaching him.

"Hey! Douchebag! What did you tell my girl?" The man said standing right in front of Robert.

"Beautiful." Robert said. "Very."

The girl was standing next to the tall man. "Come on, let's go it's just some drunk!" The girl said.