RIVALS (BKPP)

Chapter 9

PP's POV

"...sometimes I just wanted to leave. At some point, I wanted to leave my father. You know what's the saddest part? It's the fact that I couldn't. Even if I try to." Both of them fall into silence as if their sentiments in life matched up, correlates and they relatively feel that suffering.

"How 'bout you?" Billkin turns to me, his eyes almost, in the most adoring way, glistens. It seems Billkin noticed the hesitation from my face. "Oh, sorry. It's okay if you do not want to share your thoughts and all." and followed by a light chuckle.

I look at the dark sky, realizing how long they are sitting in this part of the university and how long he's been listening to Billkin. I fumble with my fingers for a moment before I clear my throat.

"I can't leave either," I mutter. I lower my gaze on the ground but I can feel Billkin's eyes on me. "My parents, especially my mother, I can't disappoint her. I mean, she really looks up to me, not like a trophy but she really wants me to excel. She wants me to excel and enjoy it at the same time. I do not want to see her get such disappointment from me."

"Well, your mother is kind. Isn't she?"

"Yeah, she's kind." I say, taking a deep sigh. I took a quick glance and caught Vernon's eyes still glued to me with amusing expression on his face. "Stop staring at me!" I tell him shyly, looking away from his gaze.

Vernon laughs at my gesture. And oh god, the sound of his laughter! A sound that I never heard from him ever since. It sounds like a melody - pure as ringing bells and it came to my ears as a tickle and a bounce.

One thing about Vernon, from their love-nexus relationship to discovering his frayed edges and scratches, his laughter is the honest rumbling of his soul.

To hear him laugh is a birdsong I'd always want to listen.

Vernon clears his throat and looks at me again, this time his face looks serious, the smile fading away from his lips. "Thank you, Seungkwan." he says momentarily.

"Hmm?" confused all of a sudden.

"For being here with me." he tells me.

A soft chuckle escape from my lips, "I'm always here for you. I got your back always! Even if you don't ask for it. I know you by heart."

Vernon smiles at me followed by his soft words, "You are like your mother,"

"You always tell me that since we were kids," I say to him with furrowed eyebrows.

Vernon breathed deeply, shaking his head afterwards. "Because like her, you're kind."

___

"You're kind."

I stare at the ceiling of my room while Billkin's words repeatedly come inside my mind- it echoes, sometimes it ignites which is enough to make my stomach churn.

I can't explain it. I close my eyes shut for a moment and all he can see is Billkin's face.

"You're kind."

I open my eyes and my body springs up from the bed. I let out an exasperated whimper.

Billkin Putthipong is infiltrating my mind.

I get up from my bed and turn on the lights. I went downstairs to get a glass of water and hurriedly returned to my bedroom and that's when I heard my phone come to life as it got a message notification.

Confused, I checked who sent me a message.

You're still awake? The light in your room is undeniably bright from where I am standing -B

My mouth went agape and I quickly leaped towards my bedroom window. I open the thin curtains and look outside and there's Billkin, standing on the porch of their house. I open the glass window and wave my hands at him. Billkin waves back, his other hand carrying a mug.

A wide smile escaped from my lips upon seeing him.

"You're kind."

And maybe, just maybe... he's right about me.

My phone rings and at first, I was hesitant to answer the call. I looked at Billkin again and he motioned for me to answer his call.

"We just talked like... four hours ago." is the first thing I said to him, acting like I'm annoyed.

"I just wanted to ask why you are still awake." Billkin replied.

"Wanted to ask the same thing actually." I retorted playfully.

"Ah, just received some earful from my father," before I can even react, Billkin already reassured me. "And that's okay, I get that a lot. Same antics and rage, nothing new."

"I didn't say anything," I muttered slowly, my chest heaving, relieved that something didn't happen again.

"You know, you are such a bad liar." Billkin tells me. "I can see from here how your face changed earlier."

"I am not!" I say in my defense.

"I can't believe that you're in the acting club when you can't even lie properly."

"I'm offended!" I glare towards Billkin outside and I can only hear him snort in laughter.

Suddenly, someone knocks on my door and I immediately shut the curtain window. The door slowly opens and then there's my mother. She's wearing her night robe and looking concerned... or confused.

"Honey, why are you still awake?" she asked me.

"Oh... just went downstairs to get water. I'm thirsty." I answered, giving her a smile.

My mother seems like not buying my answer as she looks around the room for a minute before giving me one last glance as she exits through the door, closing it behind her.

"Why didn't you tell her you're talking to me?" Billkin asked me when I got back to the line.

"If you want hell to break loose." I told him. The idea is petrifying if you're going to ask me. The fact alone that me and Billkin are having this... friendly conversation is truly appalling. "And you should get back to your room and I'm going to go back to sleep." I added, jumping back to my bed.

"Fine, fine. I'll see you tomorrow." Billkin says in a rush tone. "Wait, PP Kritt. I want to ask you one last question. Just to summarize everything that happened today."

"What is it?"

"Are we friends now?"

A moment of silence.

What is a friend? I never had a friend. I never experienced making friends and it never occurred to me to have one. 

What is like to have a friend? Who can accept me - with frayed edges and scratches. Never experienced the love-nexus bond between other individual. So asking me that question feels peculiar, a birdsong that I never had the chance to hear. It is a foreign word in my brain.

But in that very moment, amidst the unfamiliarity of it all, in the bliss of his smile, I took a leap of faith.

"Yes."