My Youth Which Has Not Experienced Life Yet

10 Years Old

On July 1st of, 2013, Karies and her family immigrated to the U.S.

She felt happy yet sad because she has to leave behind her mom's side of the family, friends, education, and other potential future.

She felt happy because she would be able to see her dad's side of the family, who she had only been seeing through pictures.

Was it really for her and her brother to have a better opportunity and education, so they moved there? Or was it so that they could escape poverty? Or perhaps so her mom could escape from her abusive husband?

Everything was okay until the fear kicked in. Karies always hated crying, and she didn't want anyone to see her crying. While on the plane, she gripped tightly onto the blanket and repressed her cries.

When they finally made it to their final destination, it was nighttime; she couldn't wait to go to her grandpa's house to see her new forever home, where she dreamed of having her own room filled with toys and clothes.

On the way there, all she could see was darkness.

There were no lights on the streets, and trees were everywhere. Karies came from a place where nighttime, the streets are full of people, and houses are seen everywhere. Being afraid of getting laughed at, she wondered, "Is grandpa's house up on the mountain?"

When it was time to get off, she helped her mom bring their giant suitcases in and ran into the large garage door. The house itself was smaller than she thought. Everything has an Asian touch to them, so it felt like her home in her country.

The house has three rooms. One room is for grandpa and grandma, the other is for Karies's older brother, and the last one is for her parents and her.

Disappointed for the second time still, she didn't complain.

Shortly after unpacking their stuff, it was bedtime. Karies has always been the last person to felt asleep because of her overthinking habit.

She deeply missed her mom's side of the family. She kept crying in silence until she gave up and dreamed about going back.

"Only if it was true, only if possible, only if she could go back in time."

The following day, she was woken up by her mom, and they went to the park near their house. It turned out that all the trees she saw were the trees from the garden and that they would not live in the jungle. She found hope again.

Because it was still summer, the first couple of months, her uncle took them out to go to the beach, go fishing, and go shopping. However, it started to die out once school started.

The school was fun. The middle school in America felt like kindergarten classes. Because school in her country was very harsh and tests were impossible to get a high score. She was surprised to know how behind and dumb these American kids were.

Through after-school activities, her mom made some new friends. One of them was Haley.

Haley was a half-white person, though she could speak her language. During winter, she would drive us to her house so I could play with her kids while mom was at work. She was very nice.

February came, and Karies's birthday was coming up. Haley helped her mom buy a giant birthday cake for her 11th birthday. All fun and game until it started to snow. She and her mom were stuck at Haley's house because it was unsafe to drive us back.

Her dad was angry. He didn't care about their situation and started to overthink.

"Is that bitch out there with some other guys? Is she trying to run away from me after moving here?"

She believed that this was what her dad was thinking based on his past argument with her mom.

It got more serious because now her grandpa, grandma, uncle, and uncle's wife knew about them staying out for the night. They blamed her mom for not making it home before the snowstorm hit. It wasn't her fault because Haley didn't want to risk her perfect insurance driving them home. It was because grandpa, grandma, uncle, and uncle's wife didn't want to drive them home either.

"Is it my fault?" She wondered.