Longing

In my opinion, the hardest question I've ever had to answer is, "do you miss me?"

I wouldn't say it's that way in all cases. If you're around a person that genuinely makes you happy and makes your day better any time you're around them, and suddenly you're deprived of that, then it's fairly easy to say "I miss you" without question.

things get a bit tricky when loss comes into play. Whether it's a friend or a lover, it all builds and pains the same. For those that left a long time ago, the pain may have subsided a bit, but the question of longing is the most difficult when it's someone that left recently.

To answer this question, only you can truly judge whether or not you miss someone. Personally, I lay out my true emotions and build from there, forming a hypothesis like the STEM major I am and basing my conclusion on the evidence I collected.

Take my most recent ex-boyfriend, for example. We may have only dated for 3 months, but I was the happiest in the majority of those three months than I've probably ever been. He gave me so much attention, he would never skip out on an opportunity to compliment me in the best ways possible, and was even a great cuddle buddy. So do I miss the warmth and joy he gave me? Absolutely. But do I miss the glares he gave people when I spared anyone other than him attention, or the constant questioning of whether I was mad at him, or the silent treatment all because I had to go to the bathroom? It's a bit trickier now.

Love always seems to play a role in this question. Missing someone is typically based on the love and affection built for a person, but I don't necessarily agree with that. You don't have to love someone to enjoy their presence. If your favorite comedian suddenly dropped comedy, you'd obviously miss their jokes and the way your chest hurt from laughing so hard at their strange life occurrences, but unless you knew them personally, chances are you didn't love them. Love may be complex, but it's only a small portion of the idea of longing.

Let's take a look back at my dilemma. A guy gives me affection and attention like no other, but turns on me the second I supply anything less; would I miss this? I pondered this question for months before I finally came to even half of an answer. Yes, I miss the attention. I miss being put first over everyone else. I miss sneaking off from practice to spend just a moment alone in his presence. I miss being cuddled like the world was going to end the next day. However, there was one big factor that overtook every single moment listed and hundreds more that I have yet to mention: heartbreak.

I won't even begin to contemplate whether I loved him, because I still don't know. Like I mentioned, I only dated him for a few months, but we were infatuated with each other nonetheless. However, the state he left me in for months, the hate-filled words he spewed when things were finally over, and the things he continues to drag out despite our relationship being long over is a pain I can't even begin to describe. And because of this, I don't think I could ever bear to miss someone who made me feel like that. I didn't deserve that just like he doesn't deserve for me to miss him now.

My advice at the end of the line is this: ask yourself if you really missed them, or just the idea of them. If they truly made you happy, and if whatever hardships that came with their departure did not outweigh the positives, then it seems fitting to miss that person. But if you have to fight to excuse whatever they did to make your life miserable, do they really deserve to be missed?