Dragonfire: A Gulliver Swift Adventure

From the Robertson Report Online

 

What Robertson could report to his viewers was that "at this early stage of the investigation, unbelievable as it may seem, reliable sources suggest the weapon that butchered the young man found in the Gowanus Canal may have been the fang of an large prehistoric beast.  While the official statement released by Dr. Ichabod Lovelace of the County Medical Examiner's office was the expected 'no comment at this time,' This Reporter was able to see enough to describe it as ivory colored, curved; perhaps two feet in length.  According onlookers closer to the body, the inner edge was serrated like a steak knife—eliminating elephants and walruses, elk, and swordfish. 

"We do have cell phone video taken shortly after the corpse was trawled onto dry land," Lloyd announced, footage cued up.  "It is difficult to make out through the legs of the officers and crime scene techs around the body, but if I freeze the frame—there, on the right?  The tall object you see protruding from the victim's sternum, that's the spike the killer used. 

"THEDAILYLEDE.COM did shoot professional-grade footage but," subscribers would be outraged to hear, "our videocam was confiscated on the order of Deputy Chief William Vicar.  While the device was later returned, the chip containing our report was not.  We have filed a request under the Freedom of Information Act, and it will be interesting to see how this important First Amendment issue is resolved.

"However," Lloyd continued, "we can bring you our rolling interview with Chief Vicar, conducted immediately after Your Reporter was released from the holding cell at Precinct 34.  Roll tape."

Saying "roll tape" fooled no one into believing The Robertson Report Online was not the one-man operation it was, but it added to the professionalism of the presentation and it sounded good.

Beginning in medias res, the "interview" such as it was cut in cold on Vicar, accompanying his officers as they marched the journalist out of the station house.  "Only a blackballed bullshit artist like you would sensationalize a two-bit street crime," the Deputy Chief was hissing.  "What we have here is a male hooker hooked up with the wrong john and no," the chip in his hand ostentatiously pocketed, "what you shot isn't in that thing anymore; don't bother asking."

"You know what I'm beginning to think?"  Robertson's rubber heels dug into the terrazzo flooring, skid marks audible on mike.  "The protesting too much tells me what's going on here is something more than your ordinary everyday lowlife killing in the big city."

"And there," the official said to his men, "is a prime example of the paranoid style in the media today—there's no smoke but so what?  There's got to be a fire someplace even if you have to set it yourself.  This 'interview' is over, Walter Cronkite."

"Walter Cronkite" spoke into the lens of his own camera, holding it up even as they staggered him backwards out the door.  "Raises questions, doesn't it—such as why you're going to such great lengths to convince everybody there's 'nothing to see here, move on'."  Wouldn't viewers be fascinated to know the origin of this mysterious weapon?  "Or to learn who this so-called 'hustler' actually was?"

One final question tossed back at Vicar:

"Could have sworn I saw you taking a second look at the driver's license—like maybe something about the name made you think, hey, hold on, better double check the kid isn't more than just another dumb punk from Podunk?  You want to tell my audience what about it got your bowels in an uproar?"

"I dunno," the official grinned, turning his back and crossing to Officer Isis Swift at the Town Car, "you were ogling it over Detective Esteban's shoulder; you tell me."

The door slammed.  Isis got behind the wheel and stepped on the gas, the Lincoln pulling out—which was when Lloyd remembered his ride—his Corolla—was still sitting unlocked and untended alongside the Gowanus Canal.

As was the cell phone photo he'd taken of the screen Detective Esteban was looking at when she ran the DMV search on the squad car computer.