To be found

Wynn - Prologue

"Here you go!" "Thank you" I said to the cashier and left the supermarket immediately. Time to return to my apartment, yes, it's urgent. Too many people, too many strange people, and they all looked at me if I was the weirdest person they've ever met. Those looks, every time, those looks of them, analyzing my body, my voice when I'm talking, analyzing everything. Do I really look that unusual? They see a woman, a strange behaving woman, behaving like she's always on a rush. 22 years old and still acting like a deer, going to university but still not knowing what to do with this life. Well, no, they don't see that, at least I hope so. Strangers should see me as a young woman with her decent brown hair lying slightly above the shoulders. A thin figure but not underweight, as big as most girls, a small chest, lonely grey eyes. Yes, those eyes, I think they just make me look even more weird. My bangs do their best to hide them in their shadows. I don't like eye contact. It gives me shivers, "please don't steal my soul, please, it belongs to me" is the only thing I can think about when trying to avoid their curious eyes.

After putting the vegetables in my car, I drove back to my apartment. It's in the heart of the city, the cheapest one I could get. Nowadays, the families prefer to live on the land side, so the cheap old buildings with no supermarket nearby are left for the students and poor people. That's right, I don't really have money. Only thanks to my little job in a cafe I am able to live in this area and study ecology. When I announced to my old school friends I would like to be a naturalist, all they said is that I shouldn't waste my time with boring things like that, if I can study something with a bright future and good chances of wealth instead. Don't know why I chose it, maybe I just wanted to look like a person with a dream of working in nature. Thinking of work gives me anxiety. I don't wanna do something like that. I don't. "Please, just give me a living and I will help everyone in this world, but please, I don't wanna be caged within this everyday economy!!!" The most used phrase in my diary back then, when I was still in school.

Deep in thoughts of that, I arrived, fortunately in time, before the raindrops could wet my paper bags. I'm always thinking, thinking way too much, with too many details. They always said I'm a dreamer, well, not in a positive way. While the casserole was braising in the oven, I was laying on the couch, exhausted, starting to fall asleep. Why do I have such problems? Why can't I just go and talk to people, make friends, find love? No, no way. Since I was a child, being 12 years old, I only have one dream. To find somebody I can share my soul with, to find somebody who understands me, and a somebody, who isn't annoyed of me. Yes, they all were. I am annoying. They always said I'm not, but with this kind of tone, you just know it's a lie. A somebody who just enjoys being around me. Even if we were just friends, not in a relationship, I would be so happy. The happiest person on earth. But I have to be realistic, so no, this person just can't be found. It's not their fault. It's not mine either, I hope. Maybe I did something that horrible, that the karma says I deserve it. To be honest, I never felt like doing anything wrong. Nobody was ever hurt because of me. Almost impossible, but with not having anybody close to you, it's actually easy. Just smile and they won't care about you. But I cared a lot about them.

No, I won't stop dreaming. This is the only thing that makes me want to live in this world. If I was gone on purpose, family members might be depressed, thinking they didn't treat me well. So life is not that bad if you have the perfect bubble to live in.