Lies Beneath Our Love

First day on the job

"The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you can see." —Winston Churchill
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Get up Y/n.

You can't be late.

It's your first day Y/n, get up.

It's currently 6:35 and I was trying to convince myself to get up. I couldn't be late for my first day of work. I groaned and threw my legs over the side of the bed. As I made my way to the bathroom I started to seriously question what I was doing.

I knew the moment I walked through the doors of the BAU it would all be real again. Everything I was working to forget I would come crashing back down. But I had to. They were the only other ones who hurt nearly as much as I did. I lost her as a lover, they lost her as a friend. I wasn't ready to forget her. I was ready to forget the pain.

I showered and got dressed. I wore black slacks and one of her old shirts. It was a dark blue button up. I decided to add a grey tank top underneath it in case it got too hot and I needed to let the bad girls breath. I applied some light mascara and a nude pink lipstick. I slipped into my black boots and grabbed my blazer as I ran out of my apartment.

The entire drive to my new job I was gripping the steering wheel. I was going to be there soon. I'd have to listen to them talk about her. But I can't tell them how I miss her too. How I loved her more then anything. How she was my everything. I couldn't tell them anything because she never came out. It was her secret and she took it to the grave. As much as I wanted to tell the world I loved her I couldn't. Loving her for the two years I had her wasn't nearly enough but I couldn't change it.

Before I knew it I was pulling into the parking lot and getting out of my car. I took a deep breath making sure I had everything and walked towards the big doors or the FBI. Security stopped me and checked my badge and my bag before clearing me to go ahead.

I made my way to the elevator and took it to the 6th floor. The ride up was agonizingly slow. Finally the bell rang and I composed myself as the doors slid open.

It's now or never.

I walked the short hallway to two big glass doors and pulled them open. I looked around trying to spot Agent Hotchner's office. I asked a nerdy looking man with glasses and he pointed to a office across the room from where I was standing. I thanked him and made my way over there. I felt eyes on me but that was to be expected. I was a random woman popping up in an office of FBI agents. As I made it closer to his door I saw a picture of her hanging on the wall.

She's so beautiful.

She WAS so beautiful.

I walked past it and knocked on the door. A few seconds later a middle aged man opened the door. His face was stern and his black facial hair had grey streaks hiding in it. As did the hair on top of his head.

I smiled at him as he let me in the room shutting it behind us.

"Have a seat please."He said walking behind his desk and sitting down.

I sat down and opposite of him and introduced myself."I'm Y/n L/n. I believe I was asked to start today."

"Ah yes, of course. Rossi was quite sure of your skills. He talks quite highly of you. That's impressive."

"Thank you."I said sitting up straighter.

"And you're fully aware of the risks you'll be taking with this job right?"

"Yes sir."

"You can call me Hotch."

"Ok."

"You can have Agent Prentiss's desk. I'm sure you're aware of her passing."