My Collection of Short Stories

Young and Stupid

I woke up in yet another round of tears. His face was in my dreams again. I could never forget his face, no matter how hard I try. I cover my eyes, trying to stop a new batch of tears. There was no going back to sleep, I knew that much. Whenever I had a dream about him, it always made me too sad to go back to sleep. I replay the dream in my head and smile. We were so young back then. It was a hard time for both of us, but we had found comfort in each other. Each day I spent with him felt like a breath of fresh air.

School wasn't enjoyable, but it wasn't horrible either. Just being near him helped me feel happier. It got better when we started dating. I was floating on cloud nine. He was always so sweet to me. Always giving me gifts and flattering me with his kind words. I was usually too shy to say anything back to him, which I regret now. Our dates were perfect. We never let go of each other's hands and we both had so much fun that we forgot about our problems. Everybody seemed so happy that we were together. We even got called a 'cute couple.'

His parents adored me, which was great for me. They even told me that they were glad that I chose him as a boyfriend. Those were some of the happiest moments of my high school life. I was quickly falling for him. Back then I had no idea what that feeling was. Another drawback of me being young and stupid I suppose. I don't really remember when it started getting bad, but what I do remember was the stares and whispers we got. I guess I was oblivious to them at first, and I had no idea if he noticed them. Maybe everything would've worked out if I hadn't overheard some of the girls' gossip.

They were talking about him behind their backs. Worse yet, they were talking about him right in front of me. I was so angry at them for calling him horrible names, yet I said nothing. I never once stood up for him, which I hate myself for now. I was happy when I was with him, why couldn't the other girls see that? Why did they think I was miserable with him? Why were they judging me based on who I was dating? Doubt started to cloud my mind. I started to think, 'well if I'm truly happy then maybe he's the problem. Maybe all of those things they're saying are true. Maybe those girls are trying to warn me about him and I'm too obsessed with him to care.' 

I began to distance myself from him and slightly lash out whenever he asked what was wrong. I knew that I probably deserved all the stares and whispers, but him? He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be judged and ridiculed just because he was dating me. So I thought, if I wasn't seen with him, maybe he wouldn't be as judged. Of course, being young and stupid, that idea didn't work. He finally managed to catch me alone, when I was off guard. There was no one else in the room, so he confronted me. As he rambled on about how he knew something was wrong, I couldn't bear to see that helpless look on his face. I caved, and ended up letting some of him in. 

I wanted to tell him everything. I wanted to make things better. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, but the words stuck in my throat like glue. I blubbered to him like an idiot, blaming things like school work, stress, and anxiety. Then, a horrible thought entered my mind. If I didn't want to cause him anymore pain, why not just break up with him? Then he would be free of all the stares. Better yet, I would be free as well. So I did. I held back my tears and told him I needed to break it off. He smiled. A shaky, sad smile, but a smile nonetheless. He told me he understood, but I knew he really didn't. His face pained me. I hated to see him so heartbroken.

One of the girls found out we broke up, and congratulated me. I wanted to tell her that there was nothing to celebrate, but I once again stayed silent. I kept telling myself this was the best thing for both of us. That it was the gossip that brought us down. But really, this was my own fault. I was too young and stupid to see what was truly going on. Now, as I look back on the memories I shared with him, I mourn. I want to go back to the way things were. I want to stay up till 1 am while swapping stories with him. I want to hold hands again. I want to feel safe and happy with him again. I want to do things like have him meet my parents, or watch Star Wars movies at his house. All of the things I never got to do with him, I want. 

Now I lay in my bed, dreaming about what could've been if I hadn't let him go so easily.