Unconditionally Me

Alex POV

Days seemed to drag and life always seemed to be consistent. I set my alarm for 6 am every day to get ready for school, throw my uniform over my exhausted body, and make my way to the car where my mother greets me.

" Good morning sweetie, how'd you sleep?"

"Alright I guess", I say knowing I barely slept at all.

I never have any time for myself, so how am I supposed to sleep? I think. I work 40 hours a week as a senior in high school trying to distract myself from my life at school and at home. My mom pulls next to the building and proceeds to grab my face, placing her extremely chapped lips on my cheek.

"Have a great day! Mommy loves you!"

"Mom for the love of God, do not do this at school! We've talked about this".

Since my parents' divorce, my mom has been overly attached to me. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom but sometimes I wish things were the way before the divorce. I had my privacy and my dad was around. The list goes on. Since my father moved out, my mom and I promised to never keep secrets. I've kept this promise but there's one secret I've been trying to tell her. But it's not just her I want to tell. It's everyone.

My family has always been the average Christian family who never skips Sunday service at church. I would watch my mom as she glamorized the paper-thin pages of her bible. The pastor was a tall individual with short brown spiked hair and always wore the same brown boots at every service. My mom would treat me to Starbucks after church as we made our way home, where I locked myself in my room, studying the night away until she walked in on my face down on my laptop with a tissue stuck on my cheek.

I make my way through the door trying to find my homeroom class. I enter the classroom as the rising sun beams its light against the wooden frames of the door. I make my way to my chair and slouch my body into my seat. The bell rings at its usual obnoxious sound and my teacher, Mrs. Gillburg starts taking attendance. She begins calling out the names of the students and their frequent tired voices escape their mouths as they say "here". I was hardly awake until she caught me off guard by saying my name.

"Here," I say as I jolt my head off the desk.

The bell rings again and Mrs.Gillburg stops me before I can stand. Her brown curly hair lies evenly against her head, her brittle pale hands are perfectly placed against her upper thighs, and her bright red glasses stare beneath me as I sit straight at my desk.

"I'm a little concerned about you. Is everything ok?"

" Just a little tired".

" This has been the third time this week. You need to take better care of yourself".

"I'm sorry Mrs. Gilburg, I'll do better ".

" Get some rest tonight. You'll feel better".

" Thank You Mrs. Gilburg. See you tomorrow".

I make my way out of the classroom and suddenly a force so hard slams me to the ground, nearly knocking the wind from my lungs. I slowly try to stand on my feet and my eyes meet Chris. Quarterback of the football team and probably the most popular kid in my grade. He's surrounded by a few other kids and all I can hear are their jovial laughs as they stare and point at me.

Move out of the way fag".

"Don't call me that!?"

" Look at yourself. Everyone knows it and you can't do anything about it". He pushes me again but harder. To the point where the back of the head bounces against the lockers. He walks away with all his friends, laughing as if what he thinks he did was funny. People have always seemed to think I'm gay. My friends, mostly consisting of girls, probably are a reason why people think that. Maybe if I had a girlfriend maybe their perception might change? This could be the solution to change the way kids treat me in school.

I scratch that thought out of my head. The idea of me dating a girl makes me want to vomit. If anything that would make things worse and I refuse to create more problems. I've created enough already.

I pick myself off the ground and make my way to my next class. By the time I arrived at the classroom I was already 5 minutes late. Mr. Settleman was not always the easiest to deal with, especially when students are late.

"You're late" he scowls.

"I'm sorry Mr.Settleman it won't happen again"

"Take a seat and don't come in late again"

I sit at my desk and grab my Physics notebook and pen from my bookbag and start writing everything Mr.Settleman puts on the board. His voice is very monotone. No changes in volume or sound during the entire class period. He's very intelligent but a majority of my classmates think he's too smart for his own good, which probably explains why his exams are so hard.

I start to think whether or not I should tell someone about Chris. But that would only cause more problems with him and would only increase the risk of everyone talking about me throughout the school and to be honest, I already have enough issues going on.

I do what I always do when I have a rough day. I pretend that it never happened and move on. The bell rings for lunch and I find my usual table where I plug my headphones in and pretend to disappear. I watch as everyone walks by one by one and hope for the slight chance that Chris doesn't come and bother me. Suddenly, I feel someone's hand touch my shoulder as a wave of chills travels through my spine. It was Avery. Tall and lean yet very defined. His hair, black and curly, perfectly contrasts his blue eyes. I immediately realized he was there when Chris pushed me into the lockers.

"Of all people, why did he come to me?" I think

"I wanted to apologize for what happened earlier. '' He says as he sits across from me. "I know Chris has been an ass to you for a long time and I'm sorry I haven't said anything"

" Don't bother apologizing I'm used to it by now"

"But you shouldn't be"

"I didn't ask for your sympathy. You had four years to tell Chris to fuck off and you never did anything".

I grab my bag, throw out the remaining lunch I had in the trash, and storm out of the cafeteria. I make my way to the bathroom in hopes that I'm alone. I look in the mirror. Loathing the figure reflecting at me. Tears flow down my cheek and gracefully drip off my nose into a stained white sink. I sit alone in the restroom until I hear the lunch bell. I make my way as quickly as I can to my next class hoping Chris or Avery doesn't see me.

"If I was normal, I would be like this," I think. I don't want to do this anymore. Bell after bell and class after class the day is finally over. My mother greets me in the parking lot and she drops me off at home where I isolate myself from everyone and throw myself into my homework until the sun rises again.