𝐚𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐭𝐞
⤷
It doesn't matter how fast we are. How strong we are, at some point we have to face the past instead of running from it. At the end of the day, those mistakes are on us.
❨ criminal minds x
marvel cinematic univer...
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chapter twenty two, uncoolly — act two, the anger __________________
Location: Vostokoff's residence St. Petersburg, Russia July 10, 2016
BITTERNESS WAS IN WHAT YELENA TASTED. Yelena did not know what to feel besides being bitterness about everything. Life is not fair she should have known that by now. Every good memory that she can always count on, was nothing but lies. She was mad at the whole world. But you know what, she survived and she did it all on her own with no one to rely on. She heard the door creak and enter her so-called father.
"I came in here because I didn't want to talk."
Alexei raised his hands in surrender, as he closed the door behind him. Alexei turned to Yelena as he tried to gather his thoughts so he doesn't mess up this whole talk thing, "Okay. We uh.... Just sit,"
It was pure silence. Yelena just kept drinking out of the bottle of vodka feeling the burn go down her throat. Alexei is a loud person silence is not comforting at all to him, "So, here I am ice fishing with my father. It's a very cold day in this little ice shed. Cold even for Russia, you know? Keep the vodka by the fire, my father would say to me."
"Please stop talking."
"Please wait. Please wait."
"Please, no. Please, I don't want to talk."
Alexei calmed himself down as he turned to Yelena, "There is a reason why I'm telling you this, okay? Trust me. I am reaching for fish. Oh! I lose balance. Ah! Splash! My hands go in the river. In this weather, frostbite sets in quickly."
Yelena got lost in her thoughts. The memories of the red room flash to her. The audacity for any of them to try to make it right when all she wants is the pain to end. Sometimes living has become unbearable for her, when all you see in life is anger at everything.
Remembrance of six year old little Yelena strapped down on the table. A violence that challenges the pearls of sweat as cries of horror lighten the foreseeable future, trapped in the fog of torturous realizations. All she wanted was her mommy and daddy to come and get her but they never came because it was not real.
"My father, he goes to the toilet on my hands".
Yelena rolled her eyes as he continued. Shaking his voice away, thoughts once again consumed her. Did she deserve happiness? After all the suffering she caused. She was ill.
Sick. The being who held such tragic emotions, which were released through angry lies, suffering of people who prey on the vulnerability of young girls. All she sees of herself is a cursed ill-faced woman who is unrecognizable to herself. What exactly was she?
Not human. Because how could she possibly be in such pain as to have bloodied bruises and internal scars that invade her. Maybe all she needs is time to heal but what if she never becomes peace with her herself.
