I'm right here

One

"Sana ako na lang, ako na lang uli"Basha said to popoy.

I am watching this for the nth time. I guess, I do love this movie. Many Filipinos love this movie as it could happen in real life, or madami lang talaga sigurong umaasa pa for one more chance.

You have a call. You have a call. You-

I answered the phone. Sigh. If only I could resist you. I should, though."Hello?" I said with a shaky voice. The other line was so silent. I can't even hear his breathe. "Heyyyyy~!" I try to sound jumpy and happy to lighten the mood. As I know this would be a long loooooooong night. "Wassup wassup my ketchup friend!?" I even add some gestures, like he would even see it. I finally heard him. He had a long sigh. "Hey? What's going on? Want to meet up?" I am really starting to worry. I know they are not dating. But they are having this relationship. "Naah. We don't need to. I just... I just" he sighed again. "I don't know. I just DON'T even know what I am doing wrong! I keep running to you! And keep on asking things. About us. I know, it is none of your business" -but it is my business. If only I could say that. "I just make mistakes everytime. And she hates me all the time" I wanted to say - maybe you should stop dating her. It's getting tiring, it's like a broken record. Your setting is so frustrating. "You just need to be patient. She's just under pressure... or stress. I know, she loves you. You know? Girls? They like drama! To be a bit more thrilling" was what I said instead. I am lying again. I am letting him hear the words he wants to hear. "I know. I know. I am so thankful to have a friend like you. Maybe if you're a girl, I might have dated you" IF I AM A GIRL!? "Hey! That's an insult!" I heard him chuckle "I was kidding. Want a treat tomorrow? Ice cream? Bet you like that!" Now, it's my time to chuckle. "Nah! I don't like ice cream I LOVE THEM, MAN!" I should just stop being like this with him. I should. But I can't seem to stop. "Ok. Vanilla. Tomorrow. 12, seeya!" I bit my lip "yah. Sure. See ya!"

That was so stupid. Why am I so stupid? I burried my face to my pillow and screamed. Stupid. Stupid.I sat up. Sigh. I hate you, for being far stupider, if that's even a word, than me. For not seeing me. For always forgetting me. Tears started to roll down my face.

When will you even see me?

I looked for my phone and lay down my bed. I looked at your facebook posts. So inlove. "If only, it was me who you fell inlove with" a smile grew in my lips, when I saw an old photo of us. It was when we were in college. That was the time he told me that I look pretty and he likes me. But as our time spent together grew bigger, he told me, to clarify things, that he still likes me. I was delighted. I was so happy. I wanted to tell him I like you, too. Thankfully I didn't. As he told me "I still like you. You are so cute. You remind me of my sister. I like you as a sister" it was so devastating to hear that from a guy you like so much. But instead of crying or whinning, I simply told him a lie. "I am happy! That I have finally found my big brother!"That's how everything started. That's how I am stucked in this set up. I am forever stucked at this sisterzone. A zone that is hard to break. A zone thst would hurt you internally. A place you could call home but still feel uninvited. A place that would make you happy yet uncontented. A place where martyrs are. A place I love and hate.
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"Yo~~" He poked my cheeks. Even with his poker face, he's so cute. I giggled. Mentally.

"Yo~!" I acted cutely.

"I am actually thinking of breaking up" wait-- break up!??

"FINALLY! You had realized. I don't want to lie to you anymore. I don't want to see you hurt anymore. I could love you more than you could imagine. I could give better. I'm right here, when will you realize that? that... that I could take all your pain away. You belong with me. Like how you can't eat ramen without your chopsticks. Like your fries seems lonely without your ice cream"

"WHAT?"
Did I just said that out loud?

"What do you mean what?"

"You..... love me?"

I don't want to lie anymore.

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Pakinggan nyo yung Heartbreak, girl. Dun ko nakuha yung idea :)