Ivy (Short Story)

Ivy

You stared at the window in superficial longing. You were in a trance with the rain hitting the ground, it never seemed to want to stop. You stared down the road, wondering how fair the rain would go back until it would just stop. Wondered if it ever truly stopped raining. Because when you sit here with your knees held closely to you, the rain is the only centered part of your life. You wondered how that could be, it was always so unexpected, you never knew the radar. You would hope and dare say, even pray for it to rain. Just for a moment where everything would come together and stop all at once. Time only ever stopped with the rain.
But the one thing that would always come through was him, Harry. His car slashed through the rain, down your road and to your door. The sound of a car door slamming shut and patting feet before heaving knocking at your door. You could no longer control your feet as they took you to the door, but you would wonder. You would never stop wondering how you had gotten to this point. You always thought you were better than having an affair.
It started months ago, you could even say further back. Harry was always in your life but there was this wall between the two of you. It's like you swayed to this invisible dance, never reaching one another, never stepping on the right beat. One moment he was in your life, everything you could think about, and then the next he was gone.
You met your now husband. You started to drink. The only carb you would truly let yourself indulge in was wine and you didn't remember falling in love. You don't think you did, but you had always wanted a husband, a white picket fence and children. Matthew
"I promised you all of that, and that he could give you anything you could ever desire. Besides love, or passion. The pain of him trying to care for you only made you drink more. You thought this would never stop, not until the two of you were ready for children. You would stop drinking, having the babies, become one of those soccer car moms with juice boxes and a big heart. You promise that you have a big heart underneath the rubble. You promise you weren't a bad person.
Maybe that was one once true. When your actions stood for your words but now they simply do not. How were you to know that this wasn't right? All of your life what you thought was right was so hard that you eventually gave up. Because doing what was wrong was much easier than fighting for your clarity.
You never knew you would see him again. You never thought those feelings, the rush in your heart would return, until it did. Fleeting moments in a crowded room, his opal green eyes turning you inside out like a shell. You never thought you would see those eyes again, those eyes that made you stop. You were sitting on the nice expensive couch, in a short silk dress that clung to every single one of your curves. Your one job was to look perfect and you did. Not a hair out of place, your skin is soft and glowy. You looked like a daydream, the perfect wet dream, the perfect wife. You were the perfect wife. He was here in the room, your world falling apart while you stood to drink your husband's wine.
You don't know why he had brought you back. You don't know why the doting husband couldn't do the same, but he didn't. You hardly knew Harry in all honesty though the feelings were strong. You were absolutely delusional as was Harry. You brought your wine up to your mouth taking another sip, you would not, or rather could not take your eyes off of him.
His jaw was perfect, as he turned his head to listen in on conversations, his jaw ridgid, his face hard. His eyes told a different story, the soft green color was going to melt any man or woman walking in his path. You became so jealous of how handsome he was. You wondered about his past lovers, you wondered if he gave them the look he was giving you right now. You wondered how his hands felt against their skin, they were large, covered in rings and painted black. You wondered if they would be soft or harsh, would he tug you around like some rag doll and take you over all pieces of furniture or would he caress your scars, spread you open and learn every secret from the top of your head to the bottom of your toes. You wondered about his voice, was it still the same? Rich, deep, almost monotone but kind. You never knew a contrast so prevalent. Did he sound the same? Though you had rarely heard his voice.
Once you were able to move you shot out of the room like a dart. You didn't even realize that you were stuck, in a trance. Your eyes never leave him, noting everything that was the same and different. The panic of years of ignorance swelling upon you as you walked outside. It was raining, as it always seemed to do when he would arrive. You set your wine glass down on the glass patio table before clunching the wooden railings of your patio. The patio of your dreams, it was everything you wanted, a wrap around porch and even a swing.
"Y/n." You were shaken out of your thoughts as you turned to him. Could he be a ghost? You were now faced with your past, reality finally catching up to you, maybe he was just a sign of that. But he was real as you moved closer, the smell of tobacco mixed with fabric softener and vanilla invaded your senses. He was right here. "What's wrong?"
You didn't have to say anything as your lip trembled, you felt his hands wrap around you. You felt his soft embrace and you finally let a shallow breath out. His hand pressing to the small of your back ,carrying the weight of your world in a simple touch.
He would say the words he would always say to you. "Let me help you."
He said that on New Year's Eve when you were alone in your hotel room. It really had been your fault as you called him, figuring out he was in town, as you were all alone. "Let me help you." He said, as he walked through the door. You expected him to grasp you and kiss you hard on the mouth. To take you and make you forget everything you regret. But he didn't.
He reached forth taking your hands in his own before leading you to the bed, a look of worry in his eyes. "What is going on?" His voice was full of concern, or was it pity?
"You should go, you only pity me."
"I don't pity you. Why in the world would I pity you?"
"Because I'm a mess, if you don't pity me you pity Matthew." Harry winced at your words, but he never pulled away from you.
"How could I pity you when you have the world in your hands?"
"I do not." You snapped at him.
"But you do."
"He loves you very much."
"I know that."
"But do you?"
"You have no room to judge, you are here in a married woman's room." You replied.
"I never said I had any room to judge, you assumed I already had before I even walked into your room."
"Don't put words in my mouth."
"I am not putting words in your mouth, I am simply forcing them out." Harry retorted, you pulled away from him. "Such a stubborn woman, always have been."
"Then leave me be, let my husband deal with me."
"He doesn't know how to."
"So you do? You know nothing about me."
"As you know nothing about me?"
"We are strangers." You said.
"If we were strangers you wouldn't have called, you wouldn't have let me touch you-."
"Don't talk about that! I was intoxicated, my head wasn't clear."
"It never is." Harry said.
"I never wanted to cheat."
"You haven't."
"I haven't ever loved him, not in the way I was supposed to."
"Does he know that?"
"Why would he marry me if he knew that?"
"Because if he married you, knowing you could never love him, he took something away from not only himself but from you as well." Harry replied.
"He took me away from you?" You asked.
"You were never mine, Y/n."
"I can't hurt him."
"You aren't worried about hurting him, you are worried about breaking your morals. You care for him as you care to stick in the road."
"Sticks can be very dangerous on the road, Harry."
"Only if they are prevalent."
"So you are dangerous?"
"I don't like to think of myself as a block in your travels. I wasn't talking about myself...But you knew that."
"I did." You said. "I'm a terrible, selfish woman."
"No, you were just made for more than being a housewife."
"It's what I want!"
"It's what you think you want! I know you, Y/n. I may not know your favorite food or when you wake up in the morning but I know that you want more than that. You want to live for yourself, not for someone else. You've always been that way, that's-that's why I saw you." Harry said.
"It's the exact reason why you stayed away."
"I have about a million other reasons for staying away but anything that you did is not one."
"What are you going to say you just never wanted to put yourself at risk? That you adored me so much that you knew I didn't deserve you, well Harry, that's utter bullshit."
"I never said they were justifiable."
"Touche." You murmured, looking down, but finally catching your breath. It felt like the last two minutes you hadn't even taken a gulp of air. You looked down to see Harry's hands in yours again. "There's no explanation to make any of this right."
"Sometimes it's not about being right, it's just about feeling something."
...
"Leave." You said, as you opened the door to be faced with him once again.
Everything was different now, the two of you slept together that night and everything simply changed. You could say you had control again but everyone said you were out of control. You thought your life was solid but he only took a couple days to wrap his ivy around you. Poisoning you from the reality you knew, and bringing you to an alternative, one you once lived but had forgotten so long ago. The one with flaws, the one where you had blemishes covering your skin, and you were wearing bagging clothing while your hair was in a nest because you hadn't brushed in ever since he left. How was I to know that he would find out?
Lots of married couples cheat, and the ones like us, they stay. But neither one of us could last for very long. Matthew had a heart to try to love you but he had one to leave. He burned everything the two of you built to the ground before walking out.
"I don't want you here." You glared at him.
"I just-I heard what happened-."
"This is your fault! You had to dig your little claws into me and you were all I could think of until my reality was you! You are all I have left, everyone hates me for being a whore."
"You aren't a whore and you know that. You were begging on borrowed time, my Cheri."
"Don't call me that."
"Oh goddamn it for once stop being stubborn!"
"I wouldn't be stubborn if you just left!"
"What's gonna happen if I stop showing up, Y/n? What's gonna happen when you bruise and batter me and I leave you. I don't deserve this, this is a goddamn blaze in the dark-."
"You started it! You showed up!"
"No. I could've walked into this door like a stranger but you opened the door to me like I was a lover. The way you looked at me, how you begged me to stay, how you rejected everything, how you broke down. I couldn't leave you."
"So you're just like him? You don't love me."
"I'm fighting for you, Y/n. That's something he didn't do, did he?" Tears creeped out of your eyes as you stared at Harry.
"He didn't-he was waiting to leave." You whispered. "That's why you have to leave."
"I don't want to leave."
"You will."
You stood there in silence for a moment before closing the door again. You weren't sure if he was waiting, you weren't sure if he was just processing your words.
"Stop pitying yourself and let me in. You are grieving for the living, Y/n. I am right here, you are right here. You are so young and so full of life, stop wasting it on pushing people away. I won't ever stop loving you, no matter how stupid or stubborn you are. I see you and I understand you."
"You don't, you are-a ray of sunshine in comparison to me." You said through the door.
"That doesn't mean I don't know how you feel. That-it doesn't mean I don't know how I feel, and it won't just go away. None of this will just go away because it's not him, it's me. I'm not here to make sure you fit the mold of anything but whoever you wanna be. It's not even that I know everything and that I'm in love with everything about you, because you really piss me off. But I want to be with you, I want to experience the rest of my life with you. And-and I am very much in love with you."
"Do-do you remember when we met?"
"Of course I do. I had no idea that you would mean to me as you do."
"How did it feel for you?" You asked.
"You were no older than 10, I was 14. You were running around the backyard and obnoxiously loud. You didn't think anyone could hear you or see you, just in your own world. Then you saw me, and it was like a snap. You were free and open one moment the next you could barely say a word to me. It's always been like that, Y/n. You were always okay when I wasn't there, talking, comfortable, yourself, and the one moment you'd shrink away. I thought you just hated me, but the thought ran across my mind about me, never trying to reach out to you. I never tried to talk to you more than what you could hold, and I never reached out. This was always you, trust being one of the biggest things for you. Then I walked into that party, I-I had no idea you were gonna be there. It was like, it was like something came in and forced you into that shell, long before I ever showed up, and then you snapped out of that shell. You being thrown back into reality but it was so overwhelming you had to leave. It-it was when I realized that you didn't hate me but that whatever we have, it's-it's important. You didn't need it back then when we were kids but you need me now."
"It's like-whatever you bring with you, it's reality bending."
"Little dramatic now?"
"Oh shut up." You giggled. "I wish to know the fatal flaw that makes you long to be magnificently cursed. You are too perfect."
"My curse was ignoring how I felt rather than riding out my emotions. Cause in the end, it didn't matter how far I ran because I wound up right here, the invisible wall between us a literal door. If you would just-." Harry trailed.
The creaking of the door opening in the rain made Harry's shoulder sag as he came back into view. His eyes were like arrows in the rain, leading straight to you. You stepped forward with your eyes trying to go anywhere but to him. You felt the pressure drop from your heart as you moved closer to him. You reached out your hand, he was immediate at enclosing your hand in his own. You shut your eyes naturally at first before closing them tighter before you felt a hand encase your cheek. You slowly blinked your eyes open, tears gathering in them troubling your vision as you tried to look at the man before you.
"I don't want to be here, this isn't my home." You said, softly, soft crocodile tears welling down your cheeks, his fingers swiped them away while looking down at you. "You are my home." His arms swarmed around you before pulling you tight against his chest, his familiar scent welling into your senses. You laid your head upon the brown knitted sweater he was wearing his hand winding up into your hair to pull you closer.
"Come on, let's go. You don't have to be here." Harry whispered into your ear before you looked up at him, your eyes connecting with his once again, his hands soothing you down until you had the strength to walk back into the house to grab a view of things. You gathered things into a small knit bag before walking back out to him in the rain. You smiled fondly at him before grabbing him by his sweater and pulling his mouth to yours.
His lips were always so soft, like pillows against your own. Harry's hands wrapped around your settling on your hips like they were a home for his hands. Your lips moved with his hands moving up to his shoulders to pull him closer to you. Your head felt fuzzy and the world continued to spin as the two of you were engrossed in each other.
"Y/n." A voice said, you shot your head away from Harry and turned to see Matthew.
"What-what are you doing here?" You asked.
"This is my home."
"I-I know. We, we were just leaving."
"You are going to leave like this? While I was gone?"
"You left me." You replied.
"I left to clear my head-."
"For a week?" You snapped. "We are over, not that we ever started." Harry's hand went to my back, soothing circles into the fabric of my dress.
"You are so selfish. I did everything for you, Y/n, and you had to go fuck this guy? You know what, I don't even care. Go back inside so we can talk."
"No." You replied. "I have a choice."
"You don't. You really don't. You are my wife and I will not be the man whose wife left him for some poor beggar."
"Don't talk about him like that. Everyone already knows, anyhow."
"They barely know everything, we can move on and never talk about this again."
"You don't get to control my life anymore."
"You wanted this!" He shouted.
"I wanted to be loved!"
"I don't love you?" Matthew asked.
This is the moment you realized that everything wasn't simple, the look in his eyes, the hurt and frustration. He had rain drops running down his face, soaking his hair. You stared at him and wondered just for a moment if you were wrong. You felt Harry's hand weaken on your back the longer you fell silent. You felt dizzy with confusion, as you moved away from the two men.
"Do you really think that I don't love you?" he asked again, choking up on your words as you looked at him.
"Have you ever asked me what I want in life, Matthew?"
"You told me a long time ago that you wanted-this house, a family-."
"It's what I wanted a long time ago."
"So you're just gonna run off with him? All I ever wanted to do was give you everything you ever wanted. What about those moments we had? The I love you's we shared? They were lies? You didn't even know this guy a couple weeks ago, he was some distant stranger that you ran to when you were too scared to talk to me. You do this, you've told me you want to do this. Can we just talk this out?" Matthew asked.
It was the least you owed him. So you turned to Harry, telling him to just wait a few moments before going back inside with Matthew. You sat down on the couch, folding your arms into yourself.
"How long have you two been sleeping together?" Matthew asked.
"Since New Years." You replied, looking down.
"Why did you sleep with him? I'm assuming it's not just physical."
"I've known him for a long time, I just-it felt like I was going off the edge, I couldn't feel anything and then he walked in-and I could."
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell if something was wrong."
"It's not your fault that I cheated-you-you know I never thought in a million years that I would."
"So why did you? Why didn't you talk to me? At least tell me that-"
"How? How do you tell your significant other that you are interested in someone else?"
"It's the least you could do, Y/n. The least you could do was tell me that you were doing it."
"You deserve better."
"No, I love you."
"What?" You were confused.
"I don't want to break up. I want to fix this. If you want to then stay, please stay. If you want to stay because you feel guilty, then don't."
"I can't let him go, Matthew. I've waited for Harry for-a long time."
"So what do we have means nothing? The years of marriage? Everything we built? The love I know we share. Just-just think about when we met." Matthew said, his chocolate eyes staring into yours, you clasped the armchair before closing your eyes. You couldn't bear to look at him.
Closing your eyes melted you back into four years ago when you met Matthew. He was always handsome with skin that was light golden and white smile that reached his eyes. You knew long before you met him that you had a thing about eyes. That you would fall into them far before you actually fell in love. His were by-far easy to fall in, the golden embers that had dashes of green, it was like a honey pot melted in yellowing grass in the sunlight and like a leaf stuck in the mud when dark. His voice was ever-soothing, when you met your anxiety was at a high, back then he was your anchor. He would make decisions for you when you could not, he had airy jokes and a charming laugh.
The first time the two of you kissed it was soft, his mouth landing on yours, the taste of grapes and chocolate on his tongue. He held your face in his strong hands, his mouth moving with yours, effortlessly. You always find yourself leaning in for kisses afterwards, craving the feeling of the softness on yours. Yearning for the swell of your heart when he finds his hands in your or on your cheeks.
When he asked you to marry him, he knew what you wanted in life. With your anxiety skyrocketing and him as your support system everything was okay. He was going to help you build your life, and be right by your side to love you.
You were pulled away with a shuttery breath, when you felt a tear slide down your closed eye. You realized there was no difference in what you were doing with Harry. You've had him high up on a pedestal as you framed Matthew as the villain. You framed him as the villain because you couldn't be the bad guy. You couldn't be the one who changed her mind, you needed to have a ruthless uncaring husband who shoved wine classes in your hand and gave you children.
You wouldn't deny now that you didn't love Matthew. You couldn't deny that you didn't love Harry. You had fallen in love with both men, for different reasons though you went to them under the tense of an escape. An escape from your reality. An escape from the feelings festering inside of you.
"I'm so sorry." You cried, covering your face, but moments later you felt Matthew's hands on your knees.
"I will give you everything you want, Y/n. I would do anything for you." Matthew said, words from a good man, words from both of the good men that you tied in your web of lies and false pretenses. You shook your head and moved away from him. You had started to pace.
"Bring Harry inside, he must be freezing."
Matthew ran off to bring the other man inside, Harry came in and you faced both of the men covered in rain. Looking at you like you were a ticking time bomb. Trying to decide who you wanted, who you truly loved.
"I am selfish." You said. "You are both great men and I've used you to try and fix this mess inside of me. Always trying to find something new, trying to escape my reality. I have lied to both of you, and I know that I do care for the both of you. I've caused so much pain, I do not deserve you. You are great men, and I do not want you to think that for a second you did anything wrong. I am going to leave, I am going to go as far away as I possibly can. I cannot love another person in the way I am supposed to. I just want you to know that."
...
You left in a flurry, grabbing things, rushing out the door to your car in the garage, leaving both of them breathless. Matthew turned to Harry, confusion in his eyes before he walked over to the kitchen, grabbing out whiskey and pouring himself a glass before looking over his shoulder. Harry was staring at the ground, he wasn't sure what to think. For so long you were a mystery, someone he wanted to love though he couldn't have. He was here again, in the house of your husband, standing there like an idiot.
"Are you staying?" Matthew asked, Harry shot his head up.
"Do you want me to stay?"
"I'd rather not be alone."
"Why would you want me to stay? I slept with the woman you love."
"She's a complicated woman, she was right though. It was not your fault."
"Don't blame her for this." Harry seethed.
"I'm not. I should blame her mother."
"You know about her?"
"Of course I do, I'm her husband. I don't know what she has told you, but I know everything about her past that you do. The difference is, you were there."
"I was distantly there." Harry corrected.
"Would you like a glass? Really shouldn't be driving in this weather."
"So Y/n should?"
"Let her go for a moment, do something for yourself. I've had to reevaluate everything in the last week. I had to choose to love her for myself." Matthew confessed. "I also know I can't control her, no one can."
"What do you mean? You came back for yourself?" Harry asked, confusion in his green eyes.
"I've dedicated the last five years to that woman. Just letting her go would've hurt more than her deciding that for herself. I just needed time to realize that. It would cause me more pain to give up." Matthew said.
"I'll take a glass."
"Alright." Matthew replied.
Matthew poured him a glass, the brown liquid splashing into the crystalized glass, before turning around and handing it to his wife's lover. Harry slid out a wooden chair from the dining table before sitting down. Matthew leaned against the counter and looked at the man before him.
"You are much older than the two of us." Harry remarked.
"I know. It's why I was attracted to her, her innocence, her nuance."
"That's superficial."
"Yeah?" Matthew quirked an eyebrow at the man trying to ridicule him. "I'm not the enemy, Harry."
"She could choose to leave everything we have behind."
"You don't think I realize that?" Matthew questioned. "What kind of place am I in?"
"You didn't love her like I did."
"I agree. You cannot replicate one's love for another person."
"You can't take an insult."
"You haven't insulted me, Harry. You're just defensive, you forget my age. I know men like you, and I know men like me."
"You know nothing about me." Harry said, standing up and glaring at the man before him. They were cut in silence when hearing a car leave the house, the vehicle whipping through the rain. The two men were silent, before Matthew finished off his glass and set it into the sink.
"I'm assuming you know where the guest room is." Matthew uttered before walking back into his room. Harry glared at the man as he walked away. He should go after you, he should leave at the least. He shouldn't stay inside this house but he can't find it in himself to leave. Harry finished his glass before pouring more whiskey into it then heading back into the guest room.
The next couple days were met in silence. Harry was going to leave in the morning but his car did not start up. Matthew found him going back into the garage, pulling out tools to fix whatever was broken. He later asked what was wrong with it but he didn't reply. Harry ignored him by all means while he had to stay there until one day, he had to go into town for a part.
"I need a ride into town." Harry said.
"For your car?" Matthew questioned.
"Yeah, and for some clothes."
"Stop by your place? Sure you just don't wanna haul your car into town."
"It's nice to work out here, no one to bother me."
"Expect me."
"You don't bother me."
"I thought I did."
"That's not what I meant." Harry grumbled.
Matthew drove him into town, silence dotting the two before they got to the shop, Harry buying the pieces he needed for his car before driving to his apartment, grabbing a few things before heading back to the farmhouse. Harry didn't know when Matthew's presence was no longer annoying, but eventually he was fine. Matthew cooked usually, and Harry would eat. The two slowly drifted into conversation.
Harry has been bisexual since before he knew. And your loss didn't ever leave him but he noticed Matthew. He was attractive and his ruthless comedy in a dark situation never ceased. Harry acted as though it annoyed him though it didn't. It made his heart feel a little lighter, like pain could fade for just a moment, before he realized where he was, and who he was with. Harry tried to ignore him, trying to ignore the words you said, "You are great men." It was the exact opposite of what she had told him before but his faith in you was slowly diminishing as he got to know Matthew.
"Where did you grow up?" Harry asked, out of the blue during dinner one day.
"Las Vegas."
"That makes sense for you."
"What's that mean?"
"Your wife left you and you joke like you were in a rom-com of some sort."
"I'd joke then drown in misery and though she left me, it's not like she defines my self worth."
"I hate how that works." Harry is open.
"How does that work?"
"How people go on about a man not defining a woman's existence but the moment the man is defined by the woman, he is noble, he is a good guy because he loves her. It's redundant actually."
"Do you define yourself how much she loves you?" Matthew asked.
"I think I did. I think for a long time I always measured my self importance to see if I could be desired by another person."
"Why's that?" Matthew asked.
"I don't know. Growing up I was very loved by my mother, she's an absolute saint. My sister was always supportive and she figured out the same as I did but at a younger age. Does it make it sexist to believe that I was wrong to always give myself to a woman, but never a man? That she deserved me but-"
"Do you believe differently now?" Matthew asked.
"I do...how did you know?" Harry questioned.
"I was raised to treat a woman right. To respect them, to let them say no, to be a good man, a gentleman. But I never understood I deserved the same. I let Y/n drink her feelings away because I was too scared to take away the bottle. I was too scared to say no to her, because I was supposed to make her dreams come true, to be supportive. She went on to live her life, and I helped her do that. But the moment I started focusing on myself she found someone else. It wasn't an equal partnership, and I will always love her. I would fight for her but only if she would fight for me too. I was done not being a priority in her life, just because I'm a man. Man or woman, or whatever you want to be, in a relationship you should be treated equally. She had needs and I met every single one of them, until I needed someone to do the same and she couldn't."
"Did you tell her that?"
"How could I? I would be an asshole, I would be an ungrateful bastard who didn't deserve her. I wouldn't know how to take care of her, because I was asking for too much. It just wouldn't be right. And I left her for not treating me like I was supposed to then I would the bag guy, I would've wanted to always leave, even though leaving was the furthest thing I ever wanted to do. " Harry felt his heart lurch, how he had said words like that before about Matthew to you. How wrong was he to say those things?
"Sometimes it's not about being right, it's just about feeling something." Harry murmured, as Matthew stared at him. "You aren't the bad guy, Matthew. I-I understand. From a young age, I had the same responsibilities, and I agree that women should be treated right away, be respected and treated like a human but-. It's like you have to choose between being a selfish prick or the good guy. I don't think there is just good or bad in the world. I just think it's about feeling something, for not being shut down and forgotten, in the real sense. Not in the sense that Cheri felt."
"Cheri?" Matthew chuckled.
"I called her that-I had this same talk with her, but-I was wrong to say those words to her, she didn't deserve-."
"Your heart." Matthew murmured.
"No, I don't think she did."
"I don't think she deserved yours either." Harry replied.
"I guess we can agree on something right?"
"Yeah I guess we can."
The two continue to drink that night. Matthew never said anything beforehand, when his whiskey bottle would disappear, he would just replenish that liquor. But tonight he drank alongside Harry, then Matthew put on a record. Harry closed his eyes and started to sway slightly to the music. Matthew felt his heart begin to race in his chest, because of the way this made him feel. His heart lurch in his chest at the adoration he was festering for Harry. He didn't say anything, he just took another drink. Then Harry got up, he started to dance by himself, closing his eyes and melting into the music. Harry didn't expect to see Matthew looking at him the way he was when he opened his eyes. He felt a stare on his back and when he saw Matthew's golden embers looking at him, he reached out a hand. Harry didn't have to say anything for Matthew to get up and take his hand. The two didn't say a thing, as Harry pulled Matthew into him. His hands moved to his shoulders as Matthew rested up on his small waist. The two were close in height but Harry still had to look up into Matthew's face. Harry's heart began to beat rapidly in his chest, Matthew's touch making him nervous, his hands starting to sweat.
Harry froze when Matthew laid his head on Harry's shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. Harry held him up though, pulling him closer, and smelling the scent of light cologne that he dapped on his neck every morning, and Matthew smelt the natural scent that was in every piece of Harry's clothing. Harry's hands moved to Matthew's head of golden curls, his fingers running through it and caressing his neck. Matthew held on tight to Harry for a reason unknown. Nothing was said between the two when Matthew finally looked at Harry. His eyes were tired, hurt festering behind them, and all Harry wanted to do was take the pain away from him. Matthew wanted to do the same, the looks were different. But only because their pain was felt in separate ways, Harry's was soft while Matthew's was dark.
None of that mattered when their lips were inches apart. Their past was tarnished in their past lover. They took all of the pain from someone they loved when she could not do the same. Their pain was never promised to someone before, but as Matthew's hands slipped onto Harry's cheeks, their eyes melting into the others, the world stopped around them. They could only feel each other, they could only see each other. And it was real, because Harry felt the roughness of Matthew's hands, and could practically hear the pound in his heart. Matthew could feel the potential regret, their reality still very real, but it didn't matter. Because Harry felt so soft underneath his fingers, his exterior was hard, and perfect.
The two covered each other. Their lips finally melted in a frenzied kiss, Matthew pulled Harry to his mouth and Harry sighed in relief at the feeling. All of the tension moving from their head to their cores. Harry couldn't wait to slip his tongue into Matthew's mouth, tasting him and grunting as he pulled him against the bookshelf. The books were all yours, but as Matthew gripped onto one of the shelves his hand stumbled over your books and tore them from their home as he reached out to pull Harry back to him. Harry's hand trailed down Matthew's body, feeling the softness of his chest and tummy, then the hardness resting in his pants. Harry grinned a devilish grin as he rubbed the flat of his hand over his hardness before looking up at Matthew. Desperation in Matthew's eyes as he bucked against his touch.
"Fuck please." Matthew begged, and Harry obliged. Harry's lips met Matthew once again before removing him from his nighttime trousers. Stroking him in his hand and moaning at the feeling of the warmth.
"Is this for me?" Harry questioned.
"Yes." Matthew painted, Harry continued to stroke him before grabbing Matthew's hand and putting it against the rough fabric of his jeans, his erection prominent. "Fuck me."
"You want me to fuck you, have you-."
"Please Harry." Matthew asked.
Harry obliged, kissing Matthew on the lips, his hands wandering down his body before tugging his shirt off his body. Harry kissed down his stomach, sucking marks into his skin and getting on his knees to take off his pants before standing back up and kissing him again. Matthew's hands worked on Harry's jeans, unbuttoning them and taking his small hips into his hands before grinding himself against him. This drove Harry insane and the two continued to become undressed all over the living room before Matthew brought him back into his room. Harry laid down on the bed and Matthew crawled on top of him. His hands felt his muscles and tracing his tattoos before finally taking his cock in his hand and soon his mouth. Harry moaned at the contact while staring down at Matthew's parting lips and eager tongue. Harry pulled on Matthew's hair helping him drag his lips against his cock and pulling his mouth off before putting the tip of his thumb into his mouth and Matthew greedily sucking as Harry rubbed his thumb against Matthew's teeth. Matthew popped up, getting the kind reminder of no teeth before going back down on Harry.
Harry couldn't take it much longer if Matthew wanted him to fuck him, he would have to pull off. Harry tugged him before rolling him on to his back and gathering his legs in his hands. Harry's hard cock met Matthew's, the two rubbed against each other for a moment, out of breath.
"Have you ever been with a man?" Harry asked.
"I have." Matthew replied, breathless.
"That's unfortunate, I wanted to be your first."
"Isn't that a little possessive."
"Sue me beautiful." Harry retorted, Matthew smiled before connecting his lips with Harry's. Matthew reached over and grabbed out a condom for Harry. "So eager. I gotta stretch you out first, could even eat you out."
"Fuck really?"
"I don't want you to hurt." Harry replied, before going down on Matthew. He kissed along his shaft before getting down to his taint, kissing the skin and sucking lightly before going down to his tight hole. Harry spit before running his fingers along his anus before sliding the tip of his thumb into it, the same one Matthew had in his mouth moments before. Matthew sighed in relief at the feeling as Harry kissed the skin around Matthew's thighs before removing his thumb and sliding his tongue against the hole. Matthew shuttered as Harry's tongue dived into him, stretching him out and gliding against his walls. Matthew couldn't stop his moans as he reached for Harry's hair, gripping the thick dark brown locks in his hair. Matthew's cock thrummed against his stomach, his own hand coming down to slowly jerk himself off as he started to feel his high dwindling down on him but before he could get there Harry stopped. Feeling his hole become tighter, squeezing his tongue before he pulled away. "You ready for me, baby?"
"So fucking ready." Matthew replied. Harry grinned before grabbing the condom, opening it and sliding it down his shaft. Matthew gripped the sheets as his other hand ran down Harry's abdomen and admired his beauty. The two stopped for just a moment, their eyes connecting and something happening that hadn't ever happened to them before. They understood each other. They understood everything and just wanted to feel each other, get to know each other so much better than they did. Matthew felt his heart hammer as Harry gripped himself and started pushing into Matthew's anus. Matthew breathed out a whine as Harry slowly pushed in, being as gentle as possible, while caressing Matthew's leg, moving up to his chest then waist.
Harry's head tossed back as he bottomed out, Matthew's eyes shutting tightly and a moan escaping him as he opened them to see Harry's spitting down on his hard cock before thrusting forward again. Harry moved over Matthew, kissing his lips and continuing to move his body with his. Matthew moaned into his mouth, gripping his hair. The two were desperate for each other, desperate to feel each other's skin, like the warmth of each other's skin would warm up the ice that built around their hearts. Each thrust, each moan was the two connecting deeper. Harry felt his climax ripping upon him and reached for Matthew's aching cock that had precum drippling onto his stomach. Matthew gasped at the feeling of overstimulation, his g-spot being hit dead on that ripped moans out of him and the sweat gathering on his forehead from the powerful climax edging him further on.
Matthew gasped as he came, choking Harry's throbbing cock and coming all over his stomach and his lover's hand. Harry moaned at the feeling, whispering Matthew's name as a sweet melody while filling up the condom before slowly pulling out of Matthew's hole. Harry flipped onto his back and Matthew's leg settled down on the bed. The two tried their best to catch their heaving breaths, Harry looked over at Matthew, and Matthew reached out for his hand. The two intertwined fingers and stared at each other for a long moment before deciding to clean up.
A scalding hot shower being turned on quickly fogging up the bathroom before Harry stepped in, the water dripping off his skin and making Matthew hard again as he cleaned himself up. He mumbled a quick 'fuck me' before stepping into the shower behind Harry. The orgasm had sobered both of them straight up. Harry's head was racing with a million and one thoughts.
You were supposed to be his everything. Your touch was supposed to be special, to be the one who truly stopped his world. But you weren't. As he heard the hopeful light man outside of the shower curse before stepping into the shower, he knew Matthew was the right person. Especially with his beautiful throbbing cock swollen against his stomach again. Harry smirked before moving to Matthew, putting him under the water with a quick turn of their bodies before pushing his sober lips against Matthew.
Matthew not a second regretted his decision to join Harry in dancing. The thoughts of Harry doubling in his mind since the moment he saw him on his porch step with his wife. He saw through the anger, the resentment and hurt. He knew that everything Harry eventually revealed to him was true. The two shared a need to be prioritized and the bad habit of putting their lover before their own needs. It was something they could balance each other out with. Matthew thought of their lives, how they were able to live so fluidly within each other. They would take turns cooking, and though for a while their conversations were passive aggressive they turned into caring and meaningful. Matthew as a hopeful man, he hoped that this would work out as he stared down Harry. Every dirty thought that festered in the last couple weeks coming true with Harry's hand wrapping around his cock almost like a vice. A very welcomed vice, that made Matthew tilted his head back. Harry couldn't help but attack his Adam's apple with his mouth, sucking and licking as he slowly stroked his cock in his hand. His own cock became hard again, and Matthew noticed just starting to pleasure him as well. The two were in a trance, eyes connected, lips smashing on mouths or soon to be blemished skin. The two egged each other on with each moan and whimper before coming all over each other before kissing hard on the lips again.
Harry gripped Matthew's thin wet hair in his hands and slid his tongue into his mouth, to wrap into his own, the very passionate kiss turning into soft and meaningful.
The two finally finished up their shower before going to lay down in the bed, Harry threw on some of Matthew's clothing that were a bit big on him but he didn't mind as he crawled into the bed that smelled so much like him before feeling Matthew wrap around him, and pulling him to his chest, his head curling his neck. The two fell asleep in each other's arms and the sun began to rise but none of it mattered.
...
You showed up a month later, you looked beautiful, your hair done up perfectly, your skin soft. You were home. You weren't sure how you were going to make it up to Matthew but now that she had time to figure it out, it would be okay. Your oblivious selfishness caught you up in a whirlwind when you came home to see Harry on your front step.
"Where is Matthew?" You asked. Harry was caught off guard, his heart catching his chest as he saw you. He stood up and rushed over to you.
"You-.You're here? You came back."
"Why are you here?"
"What do you mean? I've been living here."
"Why?"
"Because- I should call Matthew."
"What's going on?" You asked, frantically. "Did you do something to him?"
"No." Harry snapped, his eyes full of anger as he looked at you. You felt taken aback by the hateful look in his eyes. Harry called Matthew, spitting some words at him before Matthew came back, pulling his car into the beginning of the drive before slamming his door shut.
"Harry." Matthew said, walking towards him. You were nervous to see what would happen, had Harry shown up here to fight with Matthew? Was Matthew pissed off at the man you had an affair with sitting on his doorstep like a month before?
"Why is she here?" Harry asked. A confused grimace crossed your face, a rather ugly one at that.
"I have no idea, I-I sent your parents the papers."
"What?"
"You need to leave."
"You don't talk to me that way."
"You can't just show up here, Y/n!" Matthew said.
"This is my home."
"Not anymore. You broke my heart, over and over again. I finally realized what I deserved."
"What?" You repeated, as Matthew looked over at Harry, whose eyes were planted on the two of you, shooting back and forth. "What is he talking about Harry?"
"You should go."
The realization dawned over you, you scoffed. "Don't tell me he seduced you? I know he's hard to, not fall for-"
"You know nothing, Y/n. I don't know why you are here, but I took your advice. I found it better than our relationship. No shame against you, but I sent you the divorce papers and I would like you to leave."
"But I-." You started. "I didn't expect this to happen." You whispered, tears gathering in your eyes. The crocodile tears that they knew so well were falling down your cheeks. "I can be good enough for both of you, I-I promise." You begged, your deamour completely changing. "I-" Your eyes shot back and forth between the two of them.
"You thought you could come back, and I would be here waiting for you-."
"Wait." Harry cut him off before moving over to him. "Remember what you told me?"
"What?" Matthew questioned.
"That, giving her up would cause you so much more pain than-than not." Harry said.
"What are you saying?" Matthew asked.
"I'm saying, talk to us, Y/n. Please just talk to us."
You set down your beg, the look of heartache in your chest. Matthew stared at Harry, silently agreeing as he picked up your bag and Harry led you inside. You walked inside, last month you were forced to take care of yourself, so you walked into the kitchen, making yourself some tea as the two men you loved, and the two men who loved each other sat down at the kitchen table awkwardly.
It was odd how the anger switched from Harry to Matthew. Harry was angry that she showed up here but as he always did, he protected her, the thing he was best at as Matthew grew angry that she could come back. Though he said he wanted to. The two's love story is rather complicated as Matthew's natural instinct was to give her everything but not knowing how to protect her from everything she wanted. His natural instinct was not to protect but to give, and that was the biggest difference between the two men. While in a relationship together they discovered this, that they were pieces to their missing puzzles, but they didn't realize that you plugged an empty piece they had before. Now that you were gone, the conversation was still dull at moments, if it wasn't it was something serious or sexual. They could almost say boring, they adored each other, no doubt, but no one curled up on the couch to read with a wine glass in their hand, looking elegant. They bickered but they didn't do it for fun. She was the stubborn, selfish, heart-aching, complicated, and so elegant piece of their puzzle.
It didn't make sense, and never in a million years would you ever contemplate being in a relationship like this before. But as you made your tea and silence dwelled in the air, you knew that things between the three of you never made sense, but you always felt a lot of emotions. Harry's wise words telling them that feeling was better than not feeling at all, and the three of them in the room the emotions were turned up to 11. You turned around, your hair was in the perfect place and Matthew couldn't look at you. You were so imperfect but your beauty was, your body, your mouth, everything he grew to love. While Matthew fought this feeling, Harry did not, but he didn't forget about his love for Matthew, not for a second.
"Where have you been?" Harry asked softly, as you stirred sugar into your tea.
"I haven't been at my mum's, I was-well I was at a friends."
"Don't tell me there's another man." Matthew grumbled.
"It was Lucinda, Matthew." You snapped.
"Don't talk like that." Harry said, staring at Matthew before looking back at you. "How are you feeling?"
"Confused, and-I am sorry for the way I acted when I got here. Seeing you here was the last of my reality and the-well the dreams I have been having for the past month. That I could come home to the both of you. It was stupid to feel that way, because not for a second do I deserve you, and you clearly don't need me. You look very much in love."
Silence came over them and your heart sank as you knew the truth. You knew that you needed to leave, your throat closing up with tears and pushing the tea away as you gulped back a heavy swallow. You should leave, Matthew was right.
"I guess I should leave."
"Don't-." Matthew whispered, as you stopped in your place, a frown curving your face as Matthew stared up at you for a moment before looking back over with Harry.
"I shouldn't-I shouldn't be here."
"Why do you push away?" Harry blurted out, as you stopped in your tracks, and turned to look at him.
"That is none of your-."
"Cheri."
"Don't call me that."
"Don't act like a brat."
"Don't call me that!"
"Both of you stop it, Cheri does not deflect and Harry stops egging her on, for christ sakes." Matthew said.
"Yes dad." You grumbled.
"Cheri?" Harry asked.
"You-whenever you come up in conversation, Harry you always call her that."
"I know, but I thought you didn't."
"I didn't do a lot of things before this."
"Yeah I know." You mumbled.
"I'm sorry for that. But not for a second did you try to reach out and help me." Matthew said, honestly.
"You didn't need help."
"But I did. I was drowning and I found something to help, then you slept with him."
"I didn't know that." You squeaked. "I-I didn't see that-God I am selfish."
"Stop saying that like it's a bad thing." Harry mumbled. "It's not a bad thing, we both know that, but you aren't-you act like that word means you are some kind of monster but it's just a descriptor."
"It's a pretty awful descriptor."
"It's just you, it's who you are." You looked down at Harry's words, your hand absentmindedly coming to your heart, Matthew saw the wedding ring shining on your hand.
"You-your still wearing it."
"I'm still your wife, Matthew."
"I-I, Y/n you can't just walk back in here."
"Matthew-" Harry started.
"No. You can't walk back in here and expect everything to go back to normal. I'm not losing either one of you again, and-we we need to communicate, no secrets, no lies. I love you and our miscommunication will tear us apart."
"I know, okay." You agreed.
"Wise words." Harry said.
"Should we put up a message board or something for that? Y'know the communication?" Matthew asked, as you giggled and Harry rolled his eyes.
"That'd be more awkward than when I was making tea."
"No-no we have to set up a sticky note wall in the office."
"No we should mow it into the lawn, actually!" You said.
"Mow it into the lawn? How in the hell-." Harry asked.
"It's called manifesting." You replied.
"It's called your crazy, baby." Matthew murmured as you giggled.
"Yeah I guess I am."
You smiled down at your hands and tea before nervously fumbling with your fingers.
"Come here." Matthew said, scooting back from the table. You got up and went over to him, sitting on his soft lap, and wrapping your arms around his neck before cuddling into his chest. Matthew's eyes shut with the familiar scent of roses and grasped on to your waist, to pull you closer to him. Harry smiled at the two of you, his heart bursting, before getting up to clean up the mess from the tea. You looked up at Matthew, before looking back up at him.
"I'm so sorry." You murmured.
"If you didn't do what you did, we wouldn't be here." Matthew replied.
"It's not about doing what's right, it's about feeling, right?" You asked.
"Yeah." Matthew nodded, his hand coming up to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear before you lurched forward to kiss him. Matthew melted into the kiss, his lips molding with yours as your hand ran into his hair. Matthew picked you up before setting you on the table, his lips meshing and his tongue sliding into your mouth to taste the honey tea on your tongue. Harry watched the two of you in awe, something he never thought he would do before walking over to you. The two of you felt his presence and turned your heads over to him. Harry leaned over to kiss Matthew, the taste of you on his tongue, Harry moaned into the kiss. Your mouth dropped open at the view, your panties dampening. Harry turned to you, grinning like he could sense your arousal and his lips met yours. Your shoulders relaxed, and his tongue swept into your mouth. The taste of Matthew and Harry on his tongue made you dizzy before you pulled back.
"Let's take you to bed." Matthew said, he picked you up and tossed you over his shoulder. You giggled as he grunted.
"You old man!"
"Oh shut up." Matthew said, smacking your ass. Harry grinned and followed the two of you down the hall before Matthew entered the room and threw you down on to it. Harry sat on the edge of the bed leaning forward to kiss your lips again. Matthew pulled the shoes off your feet as your hand reached out to grasp Harry's curls in your hand, tasting him on your tongue as you felt Matthew's soft kisses run up your leg and taking the familiar silk fabric between his fingers. Something he missed so much about you, stripping off the slik. Harry missed the silk as much too, his hand skimming over your braless chest in the flimsy yet tight slip. You were like every wet dream.
Matthew's hands moved up your legs and brought the dress up to your hips, before kissing the inside of your thighs. Harry grabbed the rest of the dress and pulled it over your head before starting to work on his own clothing.
"Baby, don't forget about yourself." Harry reminded Matthew, who smiled before diving into your folds, his tongue flattening against your wetness and sucking on your clit, your back arching off the bed as you whined like a lost puppy and panted. Harry's hand went down to his cock that had swallowed up in his briefs, and he peeled them off with satisfaction. Having the both of you in one room. "God I missed you." Harry said, kneeling on the bed and kissing your lips. Your eyes were blissed out as Matthew ate you out, but not enough to miss his erection in plain view. You reached out, taking him into your hand and starting to pump. Matthew's eyes shot up at the mixture of moans, seeing the two of you and tasting you on his tongue made him rut into the sheets.
"Come here." You mumbled, Harry crawled closer to you and you moved your chin up and let his tip rest into your mouth as you started to bob your head. Harry grumbled out and reached down to wrap his hand around your neck, just how you like. You moaned out, when Matthew dove his fingers into your tight walls, it all became too much. You started rolling your hips against his mouth and choking on Harry's cock. You pulled him out of your mouth as you came, moaning out loudly and your hands winding in your hair as you convulsed.
"Fuck your so sexy." Matthew said, indirectly as he stared up at you and Harry. He moved back, taking off his shirt and then his pants, his cock springing free and Harry moving over the bed to kiss him on the lips. You opened your eyes, staring at the two of them and feeling your core ache even more. You were mesmerized by their kisses and Harry reaching for Matthew's cock like second nature. You had just orgasmed but the site in front of you was made of wet dreams. The two of them started to jerk each other off as their lips slammed helplessly against each other. You pried your legs apart and started rubbing at your clit at the view.
When the boys finally broke apart and saw you helpless on the bed, they stared back at each other. Harry's smirk told Matthew everything he needed to know. Matthew crawled up to the top of the bed and Harry laid down before grabbing your sides and pulling you on top of him. You leaned down to sloppily kiss Harry's lips before leaning over to kiss Matthew.
Harry gripped your hips and dragged your wet pussy against his hardened cock and that told you everything you needed to know before lining him up with your entrance and sinking down on him before starting the combination of rolling your hips to bouncing on him. Matthew breathed out to regain control of himself before leaning over to kiss you again. Your hips languishly rolled against Harry's as you whimpered into Matthew's mouth, his hand coming down to rub at your swollen clit. Harry gripped your hips moments after Matthew pulled away and started to pound into you. You made crying noises as Harry thrust into your g-spot before losing all control and coming into you. You cried out at the feeling, but not orgasming yet, just so close. Matthew smiled at this before you rolled on to your back and Matthew crawled over you, lifting your hips up to an angle, and Harry shoving a pillow under your ass before crawling over behind Matthew to start kissing at his neck. He grunted at the feeling before pulling your legs around his waist and diving into you. You whimpered at the sensitivity but begged to be fucked. Matthew moaned at the feeling of finally being back inside of you, and feeling Harry's come around his cock. Matthew pounded into your g-spot just how you liked it, his hand coming down to rub at your clit. Harry moved back to watch the two of you, his cock hardening again and wrapping his cock around his hand in soft, teasing tugs. He almost came when hearing you scream out in pleasure from your orgasm, you scratched at Matthew's back and whimpered. The two of you came together, but you knew it wouldn't be the end as you were tossed laid on the bed and saw Matthew grab a condom out of the chore before Harry laid down to spread his legs, his cock hard again, and Matthew's cock always took more time to softened which helped if you wanted another round because he could come again before being too sensitive.
"Come on Cheri, want one more from you." Harry begged. "I want one from you."
You gave a lazy smile before crawling onto his lap, his hands going to your thighs and hoisting you up onto his face, and sinking you down onto his mouth. You gasped at the sensation and looked up to see Matthew in front of you, wrapping Harry's legs around his waist as he took his covered cock and rubbed lube on the condom before entering Harry. You gasped as you grabbed onto the bedframe and rolled your hips against Harry's mouth, your eyes struggling to stay open as Matthew shot his head back and started grinding into Harry.
Everything slowed in this moment, Matthew moved forward to softly kiss you on the lips before you went back, your breasts on show for him and you rolling your hips in circles on Harry's mouth as he clenched you to his face. Matthew thrusting into Harry's anus and gripping his cock in his hand. The three of you came together in a solid motion, screaming each other's names and falling onto the bed. You clutch your hand to your chest, your thighs enclosing and the two men laying next to you.
The three of you held each other for awhile, soaking up the missed time, regretting every moment you could've been together and weren't. It was a fresh start, and it wouldn't be easy. But you loved each other and you would fight for each other, when the other one was weak. Matthew worked on communicating with you, Harry worked on loving himself, and you worked on not only loving yourself, but loving both of them with everything you have.
...
A couple months go by as the three of you find a routine and Matthew and you even bring home a cat that Harry begrudgingly falls in love with. The three of you don't have to explain yourself to your friends, you honestly don't care about what they think. The three of you upgraded to a king sized bed, and made the farmhouse into a home.
Years go by and you have matching rings, and you finally set up your cafe and bookstore in town, with the help of both of the boys. And you have a system where you share this diary, anything you want to talk about, like a function or just stress out, you write in this group chat and the rule is that you have to be open and supportive. Try to understand and help each other. Everything didn't go off without a hitch, you have bumps in the roads, and petty arguments but it didn't matter.
You become pregnant a couple years down the road, you don't know who the father is, but you didn't really care because they were both the baby's father, it didn't matter who biologically was there because even if you ever broke up, nothing would change.
You had little Ivy nine months later, and was a literal love child, as cringey as that sounds. This was the only baby you had, because being pregnant was really difficult for you. For someone you had terrible emotional issues being extra hormonal didn't help. Even with the two men being there by your side throughout everything, it was difficult. The three of you worked very hard on her nursery and the time spent taking care of was something that made your relationship with both men, and with each other, that much more strong.
You learned everything about them, them, you, and each other. There was one thing you learned in this heartbreak and falling in love. That if nothing makes sense go with your feelings, your true feelings that are clouded by hate, pressure or ignorance. Follow your heart and it will lead you home, where the ivy grows and eventually will cover you completely.