Save Me Then I'm Fine

RforLife Pt.1

MY POV

I just want to be honest. I don't like those people who compliment me, because when it's over, when there's a problem, it's all my fault. Even if you didn't do it, they will blame it on you because the old one (past) is still there. Yes, it's tiring. It's tiring to adjust. Please don't praise me for the achievements I've made; it's just traumatic. Perhaps only a few of the people I accept tell me what I accomplish (approximately 3-5 people). Because I trust them the most.

Another question, why did you change?

I know a lot of people are new to me because I used to be kind and now I look different. I'll ask you again: why do I need your permission to change? Hmm, okay, I get the point that you're close to me or something like that. But that's enough. If I want to change, it is not for you but for me "MYSELF." Actually, I really hate myself. Why? because I need to do what people want me to. In short, I need to do the things that they will accept me. If not, they will judge you or bring up the past (mistakes).

T-I-R-E-D? Yes, but not the reason why I should stop. Now, I don't care if people do not like me or if they are mad at me because I changed. If you really know me, in the first place, you should accept me for WHO I AM! And also, if you're the person who was there for me at my worst, you should understand why I'm doing this. Even though you're close to me, you didn't know what was going on in my life. It's hurting. I'M EXPECTING THEM TO ACCEPT ME AGAIN. But I think it's too late. Actually, I did MY BEST, but it's not enough for them. I tried and tried many times, but in the end it's a no for them.

Are you going to ask me now if I'm okay (as a concerned citizen)? I actually answer you with this. YEAH, I'M OKAY

But when you are the person I am so close to (them), all I can say is that "sometimes I'm okay, sometimes it's not." I'm sorry not to share some details with you (them). I hope you (them) understand. Actually, I can handle it now without telling you (them). Sometimes I'm breaking down. After that, I should stand up again for those PEOPLE WHO STILL BELIEVE IN ME

If I could just not talk to others, I would. I prefer to talk to the real people in front of me. I feel different when they are with me. You feel the fun and so on.

The day is near when I will be quiet again. I will answer their messages when they are important and I will reply if that person is important to me.

For now, I don't want other people to know what's going on in my life. I want to be quiet. I don't want you to compliment me on those achievements I will have. If some people are going to gossip about me, let them! First of all, it's their decision to SPILL IT TO OTHER PEOPLE. Why? Because they want to ruin you for other people. They are happy to see you hurt.