A Tulip in the Field of Sunflowers

0. Not the Right One

Amara Rhys

A lot of people find the love of their lives in high school. Hell! I thought I also did. No one told me that it is not the case. Well, most of the time. I thought that he would be the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

Well, you see, I was madly in love with this boy in high school. Axel Yuan Lazarte. He was part Chinese with big eyes, a beautiful smile, and a melodic laugh that I can never get enough of hearing. My friends told me that he makes my eyes shine with joy and my smile bright. Axel was such a gem, a priceless treasure, to everyone that lay their eyes on him. Every girl in our batch and every grade below us has a crush on him. I really can't blame them. Axel was the star athlete. However, he also was one of the top students in our class. He loves to make music and draw pictures in his little black notebook. Although he is from the shy and quiet side, he has many friends outside of his team. 

My family has been great friends with his family for as long as I can remember. You can say we did kind of grow up together. Yet, we were never really close to telling people we were friends. It was why it took me by surprise when he asked me out. I did have a crush on his when we were little, but that faded over time since we never really had that many opportunities to interact more than the brief "hello"s at parties our parents dragged us to.

It took me a while to accept his proposal, but I did say yes to being his girlfriend in the end. We started dating in our sophomore year of high school. It was your typical high school romance–hanging out on the weekends, studying together, movie dates, and game nights with the family. We were always present whenever there is an event in either of our families. Our parents have accepted that we are a bundle; one will always be where the other is. We continued dating until we went to college. Both of us chose to attend the same university. I chose to pursue a degree related to media and he wanted to be an architect. It was fitting since his family has businesses in the real estate industry. 

I thought our love will continue until we graduate. Our first year in college went by smoothly. He will be the one driving me to school and taking me back home. Our classes started and ended around the same time which makes me easy. We also only mostly had fundamental subjects making it possible to study the same topics together. The same goes for our sophomore year though a lot of our courses had started to become more specialised. He would still pick me up from my house and drive me to school though his classes start later than mine on most days. We were still able to go on dates, hang out and enjoy each other's company.

Our third year in college came and I thought we will survive it still as a couple. Boy, was I wrong! It was our junior year in college when and what was then unthinkable to me happened. Most of our courses have become more specialised, which comes with a heavier course work. I was drowning in shoots, editing and campaigns while he was occupied with his plates and scale models. We did our best to make time for each other. He would still pick me up from my house most mornings and drop me back whenever our classes end around the same time. However, it became more rare as the first semester progress. By the end of it, we barely saw each other since our schedules mostly clash due to our individual commitments. 

The lack of time and constant schedule clashes took a toll on us. I remember we both tried putting it off though we can feel that we are already at the end of our relationship. We both appear on special occassions, but we don't really say much to each other and avoid talking about what we know will happen at some point in time. We kept pushing it off until, finally, we both had enough. 

It was the weekend before we begin our finals when we met at my house. We went out back, by the pool, to avoid people from overhearing our conversation though no one in my family was home. It was a silent agreement between us to break the news to our families as gently as we can. We sat at our pool's edge for nearly half an hour without saying anything. I was looking at the sky and he was looking at our feet that were soaking in the pool. I didn't want to break the silence since I know that the words we will be exchanging will end up hurting me for quite a long time. I dreaded the second one of us chooses to utter a single sound. In the end, it was him that chose to break it.

"Mari..." he called me by the nickname only he and my family uses. His voice was soft, like he's afraid that it will shatter me. Yet, his cool, baritone voice is still music to my ears. It hurt to my core to hear him call me that name as sweet as he did at that moment. But, I anchored myself and look up at him with as bright of a smile as I can muster. I know I failed to look happy when I felt a tear leave my eyes. I close my eyes and looked away. "I don't deserve those tears," he said.

His comment made another tear escape my eyes. I wiped it off and look at him again. "We did not choose for things to end up like this. No one wants this," I assured him.

"And yet, it is still happening," he added.

I shook my head in denial profusely."It's not your fault, Yuan. It's no one's fault," I assured him again. 

"I'm sorry," was all he can say in a whisper.

"As I am. I'm also really sorry," I told him back. I feel more tears fall after I said that.

I felt him pull me into his embrace. I clung to him as tight as I could and felt his hand pat me at the top of my head down to my back. At that moment, I was not able to believe that it would be the last time I will be hugging him as his girlfriend. He let me go after a while and wiped the tears off my cheeks. We stood up from the edge of the pool started walking back inside the house. I remember thinking that it was great no one else was home at the time. No one will be seeing us part ways. I opened our front door for him. There, he hugged me again for some time before I felt his lips on my forehead and his arms starting to retract from my body. He was already getting in his car when I opened my eyes, before I hurriedly close our door. That was my last image of him. 

After a while, we decided to become good friends. A significant amount of time has passed first before it happened. Yet, I'm grateful that we manage to stay in each other's lives though it is not what we first expected we will be at this point in time. 

Now, fast forward about eight years later. I'm still single and I have stayed single since. However, it is not for the lack of trying. It's just no one showed interest in me within that span of time. Also, my standards just kept getting higher with each passing year as I read more novels, watch more movies and binged on more dramas. I am now resolved in living life the way I want and not worrying about being in a relationship. I'm perfectly happy on my own.

I had just turned off the TV in my room after watching the latest episode of a series that I have been hooked on recently. A knock came from the door in my room while I was trying to fix the tray of food I brought up from the kitchen. The door to my room opened and my older brother's head peeped inside my room.

"Hey, Ami," he called me. "I'm leaving for a business trip on the weekend, what do you want me to bring back for you?" he asked.

I was about to tell him not to bother when an idea struck me. I straightened my back and turned to his direction with a mischievous smile on my face. I saw him also straighten his back and his face started to warp to display a worried expression. I started bumping my two pointer fingers together and bit the corner of my lips. "Instead of a trinket..." I began. Now, his expression is starting to become fearful. "Can I come with you?" I asked with the brightest, most sweetest smile I can muster. I saw him pinch his nose and hung his head because of the oncoming headache my request will bring.

to be continued...