Once upon a time in space, a flying hunk of junk soared through the stars. Her name was The Revenant and she was my beautiful baby girl, even if she flew like absolute dog shit. The rat of a human man piloting the steering wheel was, unfortunately, me. But hey, even if with my affinity for rodentia, I have some roguish charms up my sleeve. Such as my quick wit and plucky attitude because, hey, when you're stuck in a tin can for lightyears on end, you have to have something to pick you up. And if my personality and rat-rogue-charms weren’t enough of a pick me up for you, my dazzlingly bitchy space partner most certainly was. Her name is Geista McSalsa. And whatever unholy fuck decided to put her in this forsaken universe definitely put all of her stats into "Bitch Points" and "Appearance".
“Hey, Ratatouille,” She called, which was not my name, but a cruel nickname she gave me on day 1 because I “look like a little meow meow rat”.
“I hate you,” I said, interrupting her.
"Well, don't we all, little rat man?” she mocked, raising her head up from the panel of wires she was currently fixing. “But anyway, insults aside, we have a problem.”
"Why is my baby hurt this time, Lady Pompous Asshole III?"
“Wow, how long did it take you to come up with that one, Remmy?” That was, unfortunately, my actual name.
“...7 minutes” I admitted. Unfortunately, she had a mediocre intelligence stat and I, the lowly pilot, was just a gear head with an affinity for not dying in a fiery crash.
McSalsa let out a snicker. “Well, we’re running out of fuel, we’ll need to stop for more soon.”
“But the only planet near us is…CLOWN WORLD?!”
"You fucking made that up, you absolute- oh. Well, uh,” she glanced out a window, staring at the heinous Clown World, “You’ll fit right in!”
“I think I would rather be stranded in space than go to Clown World.”
"Who the fuck names a planet 'Clown World', anyway?"
“What, you don’t know? Everyone knows the history of Clown World, when the Insane Clown Posse landed there with the Juggalo Army.”
“I'm going to crash this spaceship now,” She said, hacking my baby’s mainframe.
"Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi, no hacking on my vessel… she's too young to be under the influence."
“Oh my g-d, oh my fucking g-d,” McSalsa glances at the fuel numbers before putting her head in her hands. “We’re going to have to go to Clown World oh my fucking g-d.”
“Well, let's get this over with, even though I would prefer to die, I don't want my bones to perpetually orbit around Clown World!”
"And I'd rather get eaten by an insane, cannibalistic clown, than have my bones be lain to rest anywhere near you," she huffs, quite haughtily.
“Hey, fuck you, too.” I say, before taking a deep breath. I stare at the ships phone before pressing the 3d idol of Clown World. “Ok,” I whisper to myself, pressing the call button. “Here we go….”
It rings for a few moments then is picked up…..
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
“Yes, you can,” I pull out my space passport and show it to them.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
The teleportation device is ready to take us both to Clown World….
It's time to finally enter…
CLOWN WORLD!!
"G-d fucking damn it."
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
