6/3
I've always liked the idea of falling in love. You see it everywhere. In movies, in books, in stories, in songs, in poems, in ordinary life... I've always loved the idea of love.
Have I ever fallen in love? No, maybe, I'm not sure. If I did fall in love it definitely wasn't my first boyfriend, we barely even had a relationship, it went wrong for so many reasons, one main reason was he wasn't ready or mature enough to involve someone else in his life. It took me a while to process the hurt I had caused myself, seeing as I was the one who ended things. For a while I wanted him back, even though I knew I was better off, then I learned he wanted someone new. That hurt the most. Was I not enough? I'm not certain.
I'm interested in this particular guy at the moment, he keeps to himself, he's tall, he kind, he's incredibly funny, and he's definitely not boring. I think he should be nameless, seeing as I'm not going to be dating him or talking to him much. It's summer, I don't see much of him anyways since school ended.
6/4 Dear diary,
It's been lonely since school ended, I hang out with my family and my friends but at the end of the day, I sit on my bed and stare at the wall, wondering why I'm feeling so sad. I feel selfish, so I start crying. I don't know what's wrong with me, I wish I could just be happy. Ooh, now I sound worse. I think I'll go to sleep now...
6/6 Dear diary,
I walk into a store. I scan for clothes, I need new clothes. My clothes are really outdated, I'm sure they were trending at some point. I'm trying to become the best version of myself this summer, obviously its not going very well. I bump into someone, "Woah hey".
Its him. 'Hey sorry, I didnt see you there"
"Its alright, you go to my school right?"
"Yeah, we have a couple classes together"
"Yeah, uh, listen, can I buy you something to eat?"
My heart flutters.
Alright remember how I said I wouldn't date this nameless guy, well maybe I will, who knows? Let's call him Simon. Funny name.
Simon buys me food, we talk, and we laugh. I'm probably the happiest ever right now. Suddenly he looks at me weird, nobody has ever looked at me like that. I can't tell what he wants. He pays for the food and stays looking at me. My stomach flips, butterflies. But these are different, I'm nervous for bad reasons, I'm afraid. He cracks a smile and I realize how stupid I'm being.
We walk to his car, did I mention I walked to the store I was in? I guess I didn't, anyway, he offered me a ride home. I get in his car. I feel tense, and alert, something is going to happen. As I'm writing this, I get the courage to tell him ill walk home. He seems upset. I apologize, and I'm opening the door now, it's still light ouT-
