Lockheart sucks ass. He's awful, like why would you make him a teacher? He is the worst Harry Potter character. Screw him. He has much suck. More suck than a black hole. That's a lot of suck. Big suck. Like Mark Zuckerberg. He has the Zucc. The numerous amount of people who engage in his many platforms constantly ask for the Zucc. They want him to give the Zucc but Mark doesn't understand. "What is the Zucc?" He asks confused, for he does not understand what is hip with the kids these days. "I would be happy to give it to you if you let me know what it is," he says. But he. Oh he does not understand. Understand that the Zucc is an almighty power that can only be released from within. He must unlock the Zucc from within him. In order to achieve a goal as extreme as unlocking the Zucc, he has to eat many a zucchini. So he did. He ate so many zucchini. He ate so much that he started turning green. This was the first step in unlocking the Zucc. The second step was far more challenging, albeit more simple. He had to survive a small procedure. Oh but it really wasn't that small, or simple for that matter. He needed to become one with an everyday household item. The vacuum cleaner. In order to do this, he must get plastic surgery. He no longer has penis privileges. His penis must go bye bye. He must replace it with the vacuum. And so he does. Step two is now complete. Now step three. Step three is the worst one of them all. He has to harness the power of the Big Hole. The Big Hole is not like any normal, puny hole. It is big. And dark. And no one has ever harnessed its power before. They all end up turning into spaghetti because of the sheer speed and magnitude of the Succ that the Big Hole possesses. The Big Hole is faster than the speed of light itself. Mark Zuckerberg knows what he has to do, but he does not know if he has the courage the courage to do it. He lingers at the mouth of the Big Hole as he floats around in space. "Should I do this?" He ponders. He then determines that he MUST do it. For his fans. For his honor. For his fans(seriously he really needs them to like him cause he isn't a robot he has feelings yep mhm). He then unzips just pants and pulls out his vacuum. This is gonna be wild. He then unlocks, deep within his core, the Zucc. He then Zuccs the Big Hole out of existence. On his way back to Earth, he found some juice labeled 'healing juice for regrowing your penis after attaching a vacuum to it.' He saw this, and, of course, he drank it. But then, in a miraculous turn of events, the label was revealed to be a fake, and peeled right off. Exposing the truth this juice was really bone hurting juice that hurts for all eternity for people that have unlocked the Zucc. As he read this, he began to feel the sensation of the juice seeping through his bones, causing an almost indescribable pain. The only words he could manage to put together was "oof ow my bones." And so he lived a sad, lonely, and penisless life with his bones hurting for all eternity.
The End :)
