Safe

Chapter 4

It's been six years. Six long years since I last laid eyes on him, spoke to him or even knew where he was. And after all this time he's here...just like that.

He's different. Of course he is. He is six and a half years older than me so he must be twenty five now. He was a teenager when he left and now he's very much a man. A very handsome man, but that's not exactly a surprise. He was always handsome; I recognised that as we both got older, even when I was just a kid.

But none of that matters. He's still the one who left me.

He left me alone to suffer. He left me with nothing.

"Nemara, sweetheart, are you ok?" Laura asks as she tries to coax me into looking at her. I don't even remember standing up, but here I am. I feel Jacob behind me too, holding my hips to keep me steady. Still, he's the only thing I see.

"We thought you'd be happy to see your step-uncle again."

And there it is. That title. His 'title'.

Step-uncle.

Ha. Those words could never, ever begin to represent the relationship we had. He was everything to me. My entire world.

I don't realise I'm shaking until Laura and Jacob both grab hold of me tighter. I can't even tell if I'm laughing or sobbing uncontrollably. I can't feel anything except for hatred for him.

"Get away from me!" I scream at him as I struggle against the hands that hold me back. Suit Guy looks frantically at Laura and some of the nurses stop what they are doing in confusion, all whilst I envision what I'll do when I get free of them. Raking my nails down his beautiful face seems like a good start.

"Nemara, please! Tell us what's going on." Laura pleads, planting her hands on my shoulders, stepping in front of me and blocking my view of him.

"I'm not going anywhere with him. That's what's happening." I say, bordering on hysterical. Laura looks worriedly over her shoulder at Suit Guy then back to me.

"But our records said you had a great relationship with your uncle..." She muses, half to herself and half to me.

"Fuck your records! I bet they don't say anything about him leaving me alone in that house to be abused, do they?" I shout at her, louder than I should. She recoils back, stepping away, looking between me and him. I can see him again now, and at least he has the decency to look a little guilty.

"Nem-" He starts, but I cut him off immediately.

"Don't fucking talk to me." I hiss at him as Jacob has to hold me back again. The soles of our shoes squeak against the linoleum flooring as I struggle to get out of his arms.

"I'm sorry, Nemara, but all the paperwork has already gone through. We had the process expedited given the circumstances. Kacen is your legal guardian now." Suit Guy says, not knowing the pain he inflicts on me just by saying that name.

Kacen.

Kacen fucking James.

Also known as my step-dad's younger brother. The one person I loved more than anyone else in this world. I still do, no matter how much I don't want to. And that's why I can't ever let him back in. I won't survive being broken by him again.

"Well, undo it! I'll go into foster care, anything, as long as I don't have to go near him." I spit out, turning my anger towards Suit Guy.

"Let's just everybody calm down. We'll work this out." Laura pleads, using her diplomatic voice. I let her guide me into a chair but I don't look away from Kacen.

It's only now that the shell-shocked look starts to lift from his features and he seems to regain his faculties. Snapping himself out of the daze, he enters a hushed conversation with Suit Guy, his eyes still flicking over to look at me every couple of seconds like he can't quite believe he's here with me either.

Laura makes a phone call and Jacob ties to get me to talk but I can't tear my eyes away from Kacen. He's dressed in a suit but he's slightly dishevelled, like he rushed here from work or something. Even under all that, I can still see the muscle underneath that he's built in the years we've been apart. He just looks older all around, more mature. And I hate it. He has no right to look that good.

No matter how much I hate him though, the love is still there, just under the surface trying to fight its way out. It wants me to go to him, to sink into his arms and finally let go of the weight I've been carrying around since he left. He's here. He's fucking here after I've been longing for him every single day, and yet I can't let myself get close to him.

"That's him? That's really Kacen?" Jacob asks me in a whisper. He knows all about my childhood and who Kacen was to me. He knows I love him more than anything, but he also knows how badly he hurt me.

I nod my head, unable to speak.

This is not how I imagined the day I saw Kacen again going. And believe me, I've imagined it many times with a thousand different scenarios.

Why now? Why is this the thing that brought you back?

"I couldn't leave you with her. Not again."

His voice sends a jolt straight to my heart and it takes me a second to realise I said those questions out loud. I instantly want to fire an insult back at him, to say 'well you've done it for six years, why is this any different?', because let's face it, this is not the first time since he left that I've been put in hospital. What changed? Why does he suddenly care?

Laura sits back down after ending her phone call and turns to me, speaking in hushed tones.

"Nemara, I don't know exactly what happened between the two of you but I do know that we've done a full background check on Kacen and we know he can give you a much better life than if you were to go into the system. He has a great job, he's got a great place for you to live with him and he's in a very financially stable place. You'd be in safe hands with him, Nemara."

Ha. Safe hands. Yeah, sure I would be, until he decided I was too much of a burden and he left me with nothing. Again.

I think then about all the times he did save me. All the times he protected me from my father or my mum, even his brother. My step-dad never hurt me physically but his fights with my mum were terrifying when I was younger. Kacen saved me every time. Until the day he left and never came back. I cried for weeks. I lost the ability to do much of anything except sleep and dream that he came back to take me away from the abuse. I searched for him as I got older. I scoured the internet for even just a trace of him but it was almost like he wanted to stay hidden, completely off the radar.

Like he didn't want me to find him.

I spent the last six years imagining what he was doing with his life. I imagined him having fun at university, living his life like I never existed. I felt an inexplicable level of jealousy when I imagined him having a perfect girlfriend and a family that wasn't me. He could be married by now. He could have kids of his own. Even if I did give in and go to live with him, I'd be second place to any of them, wouldn't I?

"Nemara." His voice calls out to me, breaking me out of my thoughts. Even just him saying my name sends a shiver down my spine. Still, I scowl at him. "She's right. I'm going to give you the life you deserve. I'm going to take you away from here and make sure no one ever hurts you again."

I laugh.

"Even you?" I bite out, daring him to say yes.

"I know you're hurt, that I hurt you, but I'll make it up to you. I promise." He pleads, coming a little closer.

"You don't have to go anywhere with him, Nems." Jacob says, surprising me. He shifts a little closer to me on the seat, his hand coming to rest protectively on my thigh. As much as I appreciate it, this is all just too much. I need a minute to myself. And I don't want to be caught in the tension that just flared up between the two of them either.

"Go fuck yourself, Kacen." I say as I get up and walk towards my mum's room, shoving my shoulder into his as I go past him. I hate myself for noticing how good he smells whilst I do it.

Finally, once I'm alone in the room with my mum, I let myself fall apart.