K I N G
❧
I didn't mean to be a dick to Ella. I've been beating myself up about it all day.
I had a bad day yesterday and took it out on the one person that pleases me in the best way.
Driving at night calms me, it's something about the city lights passing by in a rush that makes me feel good. My life has always been hell, and I've always been to myself.
I've never even been in a serious relationship and I've been living for 36 years, I lost count after 30. I told myself if I wasn't married by 30 then I'll leave the relationship shit alone.
Stopping at a convenience store I get out to get snacks, but when I look to my left I see Ella, I call out to her and she looks extremely upset.
She walks up to me and just looks at me sadly like she needs to be held tight, so that's what I do. I hold onto her and her body relaxes some, "get in the car," I suggest and reach over, opening it so she could get inside.
After she's inside I get inside as well and look over at her, "what's going on, why are you crying," I ask and she shakes her head saying, "nothing."
When someone says 'nothing' that means it's something. I don't want her upset, and even though I hardly know her I still care about her.
"I'm not just your fuck buddy, I'll listen to you if you need someone to talk to," I reach over rubbing her thigh.
She turns her head to me angrily saying, "why would I talk to you? You are just someone I have sex with, nothing more," she pauses for a second and wipes her tears from her cheek, "you're the reason my father kicked me out. I told you I needed that job and you fired me for looking at an email about you having sex with other women."
I froze looking at her confused. "I've had lots of sex with women in the past, but I don't sleep with countless women at a time, so I don't know what you're talking about," I respond.
And that's the truth.
"I don't care who you sleep with. I'm just tired of my life and I thought me sleeping with you would've taken the stress away from it, but all it is, is temporary pleasure," she doesn't look me in the eye and starts going off on a rant.
I thought she read emails about my mafia, she wouldn't have understood it because we use code names, but I was still upset. I didn't think of that when I fired her and left the room.
Now she's going through it and it's because of me.
All I can do now is listen and make sure she's safe.
"I went threw so much growing up that no one knows about, but my dad and my mom. All they cared about was Ezal, and if Ezal was okay. They never loved me," she cries and looks over and up at me.
Her dad wasn't the brightest when we were younger, my mom hated when I was around him because of it. He would pick on everyone and beat up every kid that seemed weak.
"I'm sure your parents love you rose," she places her hand on top of mine and was about to say something but stops, "no, speak. Tell me how you feel," I say leaning over and kissing her.
My mother has always told me to never let a woman feel silenced or alone no matter what role I play in their life or how long you knew them.
She looks down playing with the rings on my fingers and cries, "my dad never loved me. He used to do horrible things to me," I lift her chin looking into her eyes.
I wipe her tears with my thumb but more came so I left them alone, "what did he do to you," I ask preparing for the worse respons.
"I can't tell you that," she smiles weakly.
