Am I really looking back? Sometimes I wonder if I am. For the past 6 years, I have done nothing but look back. I have tried to remember. I have tried so many times, but it's like a giant piece has been ripped away from my mind, leaving but a vast black space of nothing. How can I know if I'm looking back if there is no 'back' to look at?
And then I start to wonder. Was it really worth the pain? Was it really worth the heart-breaking wrench that's nesteled in my heart? Was it really worth the falling into pieces I have? Was it worth becoming who I've become?
You musn't think I'm like this all day, mind you. I could tell you about my first two peroids being cancelled, and me sitting on a bench in the auditorium, dipping in and out of sleep, as I floated around in an unbreakable bubble of happiness. I could tell you that today my brother turned 18 and that I will be 16 tomorrow, but what's the fun in that? Nobody likes to read a story that starts with the happy end.
Instead, I will try to remember. I will try to think of all those years filled with emptiness. I will try and dig into my past, fill the black hole that has been seized from my memory.
It is time.
JE LEEST
Happily Numb
Non-FictionWhat happens when a person is broken so many times that healing is nearly impossible? Not a lot. Not at all. Actually, the opposite it more likely to be true. Numbness takes over, swipes someone away. I can tell you this because I've been there. I'v...
