so, if I haven't strung you along for to long.

re-thinking

I woke up in Stefan's bed his arms around me. I felt disgusted in him, in myself in my choice.
last night I had to make a decision I chose wrong. I chose Stefan. I didn't realise it last night but I don't want to be with him. Every time I'm with him, I don't feel loved I feel bored, like a broken toy he wants to fix to get revenge on my other love interest.
I'm always bored when I'm with him. Stefan is the wrong choice. I chose him because I'm scared of him. Because I'm worried about what he will do or who he will become if I go with Damon, and I'm really worried Stefan will play the "I saved you from a car accident, twice." card. Though Stefan's arms were around me I didn't have any skin on him. He tried to kiss me goodnight last night and I just bowered my head down and pretended to sleep.
I had to change this. Now.

I jumped out of bed and got dressed as quick as I could and headed downstairs to see if Damon was home. He was, he was in his bed, asleep.
He looked gorgeous when he was asleep, every part of me wanted to jump into bed with him but I couldn't, not while Stefan was here at least.
Damon started to move around which meant he was waking up and j didn't want him to see me staring so I just sat on the couch.
About 20 minutes later, Damon came into the living room. He looked so hot. He was wearing a button up black long sleeved shirt, with the top 3 buttons undone. And black jeans.
"Hi lena"
"Hey"
He gave me a weak smile. He never normally did weak smiles whenever he was around me it would be a genuine smile, I was automatically worried.
He poured a glass of bourbon and downed it in seconds. Looking at me he said "Where's Stefan?"
He chocked on Stefan's name, he looked like he had tears in his eyes. I felt so so bad, I didn't care stefan was here anymore. I needed to help Damon.
I ran to his side and wrapped my arms around him in an instant. I could feel damon was tense, he was shaking. As much as I knew he wanted to, he thought people would think he was weak if he showed any emotion. Especially hurt.
"Damon, you don't have to try and hide, not from me. I would never ever think any less of you."
He quickly wrapped his arms around me I could feel tears rolling down his cheek.

after about 2 minutes he pulled away slowly still holding me and me holding him.
"can I .. ask you som- something" damon said
"Yea course"
"why did you choose Stefan..?"
"I..."
"You don't have to give me the answer if you don't want to, I just."
"No, it's fine. I chose Stefan because..."
I searched for a reason, but I couldn't find one, that's how I realised I chose the wrong brother.

"because..." Damon tried to get me to go on.
"I.. I don't know." I looked down
"you don't know? Is everything ok" he asked me
He always checked if I was ok. I loved him for it.
"I don't know why I chose him. It was a mistake, he was the wrong choice.