E + A

happy pride month

We've been together for a while now, and I can't think of anything else I'd rather want to do. I seriously want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm so unbelievably in love with him, he's so absolutely perfect. I want to kiss him all over. I don't say it enough to him, how much I love him. I feel less alone, angry, everything... I hug him almost every time I see him. In the morning, during lunch, before we leave. I want him in my arms all the time. If I ever lost him, I'd...
"Eric?" he spoke gently. I quickly snapped out of it.
"Yes?" I turned to look at him, staring at the hoodie he's wearing. It's mine.
"So I, uh," he started, "I have something I need to talk to you about."
My heart almost dropped out of my ass. I quickly sat up and made it prominent that I was paying attention. I rung my hands together.
"What is it?"
"Well," he hesitated, "We've been together for quite, uh, a while now, and I think we're getting serious," he looked down. "More serious." I nodded, taking his hands into mine.
"So," he paused. "Um, on... sexual terms," I watched him and felt his hands grip mine. "I need you to know, that I'm..." his voice suddenly got shaky. My face loosened with worry and genuine interest. I rubbed the top of his hand with my thumb. I heard him breathe in very shakily.
"Mhm?"
"I'm trans." he said finally. He looked down and shut his eyes with pure guilt. He tightened his grip on my hands.
"...What?"
I felt his grip get even more tense.
"I-I know, I'm really sorry. I've been needing to tell you for so long now, I was so worried you would leave me and now that I'm out, we don't have to stay together. I'm so sorry," he kept rambling, his voice cracking and shaking as if he was about to burst into tears.
"Shh," I started, guiding my hand up his arm and to his face. I lifted it so he could look at me.
"I'm not going to leave you," I started. Out of genuine curiosity, I asked, "So, you were born a girl? Or are you a girl now?"
"I..." he stopped, seeming as if he was genuinely surprised I was still talking to him. "I was born a girl."
"And you're a guy now?"
"Yes."
It got silent and I got lost in my mind. I didn't know what to say or how to comfort him. It doesnt bother me at all, but how do I say that? I heard him let out a sharp breath.
"I'm really sorry," I looked up, watching tears form and make their way down his face.
"Don't apologize," I started, "I don't care at all, it doesnt change anything for me." he kept his head down, trying to wipe away his tears and hold back his sobs.
"...If anything, I think that makes it better," I laughed awkwardly, trying to lighten the mood. He let out a small laugh and a smile, rubbing his face. He didn't move.
"It genuinely doesn't bother me. If it makes you feel any better, I couldn't tell at all!" I caressed his face and he glanced at me as if that wasn't what he wanted to hear.
"I'm sorry, I-" I let out, "I don't really know much, but," I paused, "I do know that I really, really love you." he looked back up at me.
"I don't say it enough. I was just thinking about it before you told me," I smiled a little, wiping the tears off of his face. He stayed quiet, but his expression looked like he was content.
"I love you," he said, trying to avoid contact. He tugged at my sleeve and I pulled him into a hug. "So much..." his voice got shaky again and I felt his tears land onto my shoulder. I embraced him so tight. I didn't let go. I held him and he broke down in my arms. I buried my face into the side of his head and kissed it. I felt him tear at the back of my shirt. I caressed his back and stayed quiet. He's needed this for a while.