Don't Tell Mom (ON HOLD)

Chapter 10

Chapter 10
Image: Cassandra - Margaret Qualley

I sit in my room at my desk with my easel propped up in front of me. I'm working on my portfolio for college applications. I've been needing something productive to do to keep my mind occupied.

It's been a week since I last saw Vince.

That day mom and him spoke while I sat at the top of our staircase, listening in on their conversation. Mom was upset he wasn't honest about where I was and who I was with. She was upset with how her daughter had been drugged and no one told her.

I felt guilt roll over me like a wave. It seemed Vincent did too. They spoke about taking time apart from one another as well as things had felt a bit strained between them. They decided moving in together so soon wasn't the best idea after all.

Mom has been quiet all week. She checks in on me occasionally. I say I'm okay.

I haven't spoken to Alex. He hasn't spoken to me. I don't think either of us know what to say.

There's a part of me that feels empty. A part that feels like maybe if we didn't mess around that day, maybe he wouldn't have acted this way. I don't know anymore.

Music buzzes in my ears through my earphones, blurring my thoughts. I don't want to think, I want to make art and get to where I need to be, for me.

I bob my head to the chorus of some Bruce Springsteen song as I carefully apply oil paint to a canvas. I'm doing a self portrait. My face was supposed to look a little happier in the painting, however my features have turned out a little droopy and downturned. I sit back in my chair and tilt my head to the side while my eyes wander what I've painted so far.

I huff and slip my paintbrush into a jar of linseed oil. I pluck my earphones from my ears and hit pause on my phone. I'm thirsty.

I rise from my seat and pad over to my door. I slip out and make my way downstairs to the kitchen. Mom sits on the sofa with her phone to her ear. She's giggling and at first I think it's Vince on the other end and my heart stammers a little.

It's soon I realise she's talking to a colleague from work she's close with.

She notices me and gives me a soft smile before saying, "yeah... I'm in two minds at the moment."

I return her soft smile and turn to the kitchen. Her voice quietens now she knows I'm within earshot. I reach down and slip a glass from the cupboard before placing it beneath the faucet of the sink.

"I don't know... maybe? I mean he hasn't even... you know," I hear through her muffled whispers. "It's been months... Do you think it's me?"

Oh lord, I don't want to hear this.

My phone buzzes on the counter and I glance down at it.

Sassy Cassy: I'm outside. Come for a drive? x

I sigh, lifting the phone and swiping it open with my thumb. I lean forward to peek out of the window and I see her little Fiat parked on the street out the front.

I look back over my shoulder at mom in the living room as she listens intently to her friends advice, twirling a lock of auburn hair between her fingertips.