My dark Professor

12

Caspar

She runs past me in a blur. I rush after her. I am hoping to catch her and apologize yet again.

What is wrong with me? Lashing out at her like it was her fault I was jealous of my best friend.

I catch her before she manages to leave. I was backing her into a corner in the hallway. I leaned in until I was completely covering her view. The position makes her look like a deer caught in headlights. All wide-eyed and scared.

She looks so fucking pretty. Her big round eyes filled with tears, and her plump bottom lip wobbling. I knew it wasn't right to admire the sight of her fear. But- again, I wasn't right in the head.

The only reason I didn't trap her trembling lips in mine was that I knew it'd frighten her further. It was too early to do something like that without scaring her. But I will, though. Soon.
For now, I'll try not to act like the deranged, starving fool I am.

"I'm sorry, Lily. I don't want you to leave."

Please stop looking at my friend like he hung the moon. I don't want you giving that luring soft look to any man. I wanted to say, but I don't. She'll think me insane.

"You can't order me around. Y-you can't say stuff like that."
She tried to sound harsh, but it was not in her nature. Her wide button nose wrinkles adorably, betraying her brave facade.

"I shouldn't have said those things, yes. But I was serious. I don't want you getting too close to Travis."

"Why?" she asks.

I inhale and exhale calmly, trying to get myself under control. It was hard. Being this close to her. Inhaling her sweet sugary scent, looking at her gorgeous face, and hearing her siren voice. It was so damn hard. I could lose myself. Losing myself was the last thing both of us needed right now.
So I force myself to act normal. To be normal. Because it was needed.

"I don't like it. I don't like it. Will you please do this for me? Stay away from Travis?"
I couldn't believe the words I was spewing. But they came from an honest place.

"I can't stay away from him." She air-quoted the words. "That's ridiculous."

"Fine. Not stay away completely."

Because, yes, it did sound ridiculous. Which sane person in their right mind will demand such a thing without a real reason?

"Then what?"
She stumps her foot like a petulant child. It was adorable. I would have chuckled if not for my dark mood.

"Just don't get too close to him."
She was close to him in the kitchen, wrapped around him like that. It was a wonder I didn't set the place on fire from the raging emotions I felt then.

"And your only reason is that you don't like it?"

"Yes."

She scoffs, then tries to move away, but I don't budge.

"Please, Lily."

This is what she has reduced me to—a pleading blabbering fool of a man. Yet I would plead all day if it got her to do as I said.

I could see her resolve start to slip away.
"Okay. I will," she says.

I felt no relief at her words—only guilt and shame. I swallowed them down and thanked her.