Dear YOU,
It's been a year since the first time we bump into each other. I can still remember how my heart beat like a wildfire and feel those aberrant butterflies in my stomach. I can still remember how I was magnetized because your smile allured me, how I hyperventilate when you talked me.I can still remember how we partook our thoughts in life. I can still remember how we shared earphones together because we have thesame taste of music. I can still remember how we became close so fast as if we know each other for years. I can still remember our midnight talks that lasted until 4:00am. I can still remember how you sang "Happy Birthday" to me, at exactly 12:00 am on my birthday. I can still remember how you walked away, how my heart was shattered into million pieces that night. I can still remember how my happiness turned out to be the greatest nightmare of my life. I can still remember the pain. I can still remember e v e r y t h i n g ...
When the first time we talk to each other, I never expected that we will have a strong connection together. Our worlds? Totally different. Completely opposite. But fate brought us together even if it's only for a very short period of time . For what? What is the reason if we will just end up like this. Like we never shared the best memories of our life. Like we never show that we are very important to each other.
You chose to run away, chose to continue your life without me. Yes I'm still hurt but don't worry I will be happy, someday. I thought I already moved on. But as I saw your photograph, I remember the way you call my name that gave me shivers down my spine. Those cheer ups when I felt down. You said that I'm one and only because I'm the only person you met with the same personality as yours. You changed my perspective in life.That I have to fight if I'm right and not just to watch people discriminate me. You protected me. Showed me that you really care for me. You said that you don't want to add your name to the list of people who left me. You made me believe that you're not like them, but you are. I said to myself that you cannot leave me because of the stout relationship that we built. You made me feel that I'm worth it to be loved. I never been opened to someone until I met you. I shared everything about what my life is. I never been frighten to tell my obscure secrets to you. You're one of my most trusted persons that I treasure the most. But what the hell just happened to us. Everything changed like with just a blink of an eye. The moment you said bye, I wonder if that's what you really want to say to me. I'm expecting you to turn back and take back everything that you said, but I was wrong. You didn't come back to chase me but instead you left me alone and easily forgot about me as if nothing happened, as if you don't know me at all. I'm willing to dust-up just to save us, to save our friendship. Even if I know that I'm going to look like a dumb I still chased you, confronted you, and even begged you to stay. But what did you do? You ejected me out of your life, for the second time. How can I fight for this friendship if you already gave up? If in the first place I know I'm gonna lose this battle because I'm the only one who is fighting. Maybe you're just fooling around with me, right? I'm just an option when you are bored. You never really cared for me, don't you? Or worst you never truly treated me as your BEST FRIEND. It hurts like hell. Yes i'm already living in the hell world since you left me. You kept on ignoring me and started treating me as a stranger. Don't you know it's killing me to see you happy, that I'm not anymore the person who makes you happy. Sleepless nights and over thinking of things. Imagining that things will come back between the two of us. But as time passes by, I'm already loosing hope. I stopped dreaming about my fantasy and woke up to face the reality. I'm hopeless, wrecked and vanished. Yes I can smile and laugh but deep inside my heart is a girl who wants to cry every pain that she goes through everyday of her life since he left her hanging. I don't want to hear other people say that I'm weak because you taught me how to be strong, right? I never knew what exactly pain was until you walked away to me that night. I guess the pain that I'm going through right now is themost painful because I couldn't cry it anymore. I can laugh until I couldn't breathe anymore only for a few seconds. But suddenly I will realize that ,am I really happy? Then I'm just going to stare on something andthink of you again and again. Damn! I'm so f*cking tired. I already endured myself to the pain that you've given me and learned how to smile and laugh for the people around me. I don't want to shed a tear for you again but every time remember you, I can't help it. I can still feel the pain that made me into a numb person. But how about you? Are you still thinking about me? Maybe not, because I can see that you are too busy with the girls around you. That's not you. That's not exactly how I know you. You are entirely different now. People do really change. But I thanked God because he let me know you, who you really are. What's really behind that fake smile that you're showing to people, what you wanted to scream out to the world and what is everything about you. I know, I mean I knew.
I know that I already said this a hundred times but I would like to thank you for having me at my worst and decided to heal the wounds that I have.Thank you for hurting me. Because of that, I learned a lot of lessons. I wouldn't regret you having in my life, once. I hope you are okay now and you made the right decision to leave me. Your next new girl best friend will be so lucky to have you because you are the best guy best friend that a girl could ever have. I believe that one day, we will meet again. But as that time comes, I will smile to you and I'll make you sure that I've completely moved on.
Yours truly,
Ma. Katrina Ochoa
Ex- Best Girl Bestfriend
