Have some absolute God tier quotes from my friends from various points in time
Basically I found a book I annotated which I wrote a load of quotes in that my friends said while I was reading it. Enjoy them lmao
"I will now prove to you all that the leaves of sticky weeds are edible" *eats leaf* "Oh god its stuck to my throat" *choking and coughing* "Okay maybe they're not edible"
“People who’ve been stabbed, it sort of affects their ability to breathe.” (my biology teacher said this)
"I'm cool and quirky and I have gender dysphoria"
"What are the ethical benefits of killing frogs over children?"
"None. We should kill children as God intended"
"You don't want to concern people when they could get killed to death" (my geography teacher said this)
"I'm not gay but I would put my dick inside a man"
"Suck my patriotic dick"
"I don't talk about puffins in Welsh"
"Why not?"
"I'm gay"
"What if I want to get attacked by an urban fox?"
"Also the two snails about to have sex"
"David Tennant is my daddy"
"Your chin is made of china"
"What chin buddy? This is all neck"
"I think I'd rather have my knee"
"Smooth"
"Smooth??? He's about as smooth as a cactus"
"What are you doing?"
"My children"
"Wonder if his thighs are tasty"
"In my day, I've had a lot of police talks"
"I'm not a gnoblin, I'm not a gnelf, I'm a gnome. You've been gnomed"
"Cows UwU"
"Rapsgaliwn may do drugs but he's my drug" (Rapsgaliwn is a Welsh children's TV rapper who was fired for drug abuse)
"What meat is Argentina known for?"
"Football"
"Give me a theme for elephant vandalism"
"Whats your favourite drug?"
"Rapsgaliwn"
"You can only laugh loudly if you're drunk"
"You do not touch children"
*wiggles fingers* "Lewis probably does"
"Is that cocaine?"
"Orange flavoured is the best"
"Rubbing alcohol helps the outside booboo. Drinking alcohol helps the inside booboo"
"Absolutely yes. Alcoholism is cool, kids"
"Yoo hoo hee haw man"
"Toot toot fuck"
"If I became an alcoholic, would you abandon me?"
"Maybe"
"I've been thinking"
"About what?"
"Queer platonic relationships. Death"
"Yes, if you have flour at home in a cupboard in an unlabelled glass jar, then you're a fucking drug dealer"
"'Its not known what happened' she's probably dead"
"When you want cute dimples so you take drugs like heroin"
"Ah yes, my favourite hobby, talking to the school nurse about your drug addiction"
"Gotta have some beer with the boys in jail"
"Go for a drink after praying"
"Marijuana, I choose you!"
"Rip his guts out" *raises eyebrows*
"His eyes look so green"
"Probably because he has green eyes"
"Oh look, it's more sex in a field. That's like the third scene"
"John? John Watson?"
"This is a mental illness"
"This cover is holding on for dear life"
"I'm holding on for dear life"
"Shoving a traffic cone up someone's ass is not a fun time"
"Chosen because I enjoy yelling at people. No I just have crippling anxiety"
"Spiders do have ankles"
"Sexy"
"I have a vague memory of being read a kinky ass fanfic with collars"
"What are you doing step dobladores" (a factory worker who rolls Cuban cigars)
*in tears* "I don't have a shrimp kink"
"Spider anatomy is sexy"
"Do you have a burger king kink?"
"Maybe"
"Edward scissorhands! My han Eddie!"
*silence*
"Thats not an insult, its a threat" (My physics teacher said this one)
"This book has been through a lot"
"So have I"
"Does that say horny or hound?"
"Crow angel. Squawk squawk" *wiggles eyebrows*
"Daddy Sholto"
"I have abs"
"Do you?"
"No" *cries*
*reads the word crow* "I thought it said geese"
"Who would win in a fight, you or a spork"
"Spork 100%"
YOU ARE READING
Stuff About My Life
Non-FictionI deleted the story that was here for the funsies I just got tagged for the first time in 3 years of being here so let's go I'm not that interesting, just a warning (Cover art isn't mine, credits to AlviaAlcedo on Pinterest)
