Paper Hearts.

uno

Ashley

Playing him for a fool is one of the biggest regrets one could possibly make. Those who shared a close relationship with him would normally
be left overly attached and usually heartbroken in the end. But for me, that was not the case.

My case was very, very different.

I would be the first to admit that what we felt scared the living shit out of the both of us. It was all too new, and all too unfamiliar for us to merely fasten ourselves and enjoy the ride. To just assimilate as if this was part of our everyday policies would be crazy. We were each other's first paper hearts, never confessing what we truly felt inside and never showing it to the significant other, which then indeed resulted in the end of our relationship. We both didn't know what to do, for if we did, I believe we would have lasted much longer than we had.

For what seems to be the 15th time this week, I sigh. Dragging me and my subconscious out of the cream coloured car, I strategically duck my head down to avoid any sort of communication with a human being before 7:40 AM. Whether the forms of contact be something as insignificant as eye contact, or something more refined such as a conversation, or even something as genuine as a casual smile, I am not prepared to speak to anyone this early in the morning. For if I do, I will not be held responsible for the consequences my tongue or myself can inflict.

Humming, I listen to the steady beat of my footsteps as I walk towards the large white territory that is my school, my younger brother following behind me, with my small hands clasped around his even smaller ones.

Pushing the majority of my hair to the right of my shoulder, I quickly plait my long black hair and pin the rebelling strands out of my eye vision. The moving cars signal for me to walk and I thank them, waving a hand at them to show my appreciation.

Once I reach into the confinement of the school walls, I start to go over the schedule of the current day to confirm my previous thoughts. There was something about being in control that excited me, and brought a sense of security to myself which I very much needed. A group of giggling juniors shove past me and I groan. "Watch where you're going, will you?" I say.

They stare at me with disgust and shove at me again. "I can do whatever I want, okay?" The tallest one shouts, "It's a free world."

I roll my eyes, frowning down upon them as they continue walking. Assholes, I mutter. I throw my bag onto my left shoulder and smooth out my blouse to get rid of the creases those juniors have seemingly put there. Great, I sigh, this is going to be a very long day.

Vulnerable, I scan my eyes over the crowd that is our school, searching for anyone to possible tamper with in an attempt to rid my brain of thoughts of him.

I can feel a pair of blue eyes burning into my spine, and I smirk. And he says we pester him, the asshole. Subtly, I look back to confirm my thoughts. I catch a flash of blonde hair, resulting in a mischievous grin involuntarily plastering itself on my facial features. This should be fun.

In an instant, I turn myself around to face his short figure. A wicked smile plays across my lips.

"What the fuck do you want?" I shout, loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough to not attract unwanted attention from teachers, as well as peers. He just looks at me, at a loss for words. "Well?"

The way his pupils dilate and widen in shock makes me want to burst into a fit of never ending giggles. But it also makes me want to shoot him.

He doesn't answer, only occasionally opening his mouth and closing it back down, his adam's apple bobbing up and down. I scoff and strike my signature pose, blowing a kiss from my middle finger and turning back around to skip away. I laugh a condescending laugh and strut away, before stopping in my tracks.

"Eyes up, Evan," I laugh and without eye contact, I run off to my next class.

I don't need to look back to tell that he is fuming.

Ashley:1 ; Evan:0

*

The word whatever brought back a lot of memories, as it was the constant in our strictly platonic relationship. It was the word that I repeated a lot during the high point of my life and the low point of our alliance. It breaks my heart to see him this way, the way he thinks he should be. The way environment has taught him to be. The way he assumed I wanted him to be. The way-

'Ashley?' my drama teacher asks, snapping me back into reality, 'What are your thoughts?' My eyes widen, the realisation of not listening to the previous conversation making my heart beat uncontrollably. This is what I deserve for not thoroughly participating in class. 'I wasn't listening, sorry,' I mumble, not meeting his eyes.

'Thought so,' he states, face void of all emotion yet his condescending tone laced with annoyance. Oh well, this teacher never liked me anyway.

This is what he does to me, what he did to me. I remember him telling me once that I ruined him, but he was wrong. He ruined me, attacking my heart without my consent and filling it with warmth. He made me soft and now I can not return to my antecedant state. The way I was before him. He ruined me, and there is nothing I can do about it. He changed me, he bewitched me. How he thinks I can possibly save myself from myself is so naive. I am naive. We are both naive. Maybe that's what made us so compatible yet so incompatible.

All I can think about is him. All I can write about is him. Maybe that is just the way it is meant to be. Maybe that is just the way it always will be. Maybe we are just inevitable - the fact of how I begin something, anything, but somehow, with absolutely no warning whatsoever, it begins to revolve around him. Always him, and only him.

What he would think, what he would see, what he would remember. And maybe, just maybe, the slight chance of what he would hopefully feel. I know that I am so so so undeserving of his presence yet I can not deny the surges of trepidation I experience at the mention of himself and who he is with. I simply can not, and I am sorry. So extremely sorry in more ways than he would fathom.

Paper hearts, the two words that started our relationship, and the two words that ended it.

*

brb crying bc i had to rewrite this

bc wattpad blocked it

will edit soon i promise

235134% done

sorry if it sucked ilysmm

dont give on me pls <3

A