Dear Diary

Dear Diary : My Family Sucks

Dear Diary,
Hi again, this has been such a chaotic week. My church has always been very conservative but this week was so bad. The pastor kept talking about how being gay is wrong. It hurts so bad to hear him say this especially since I saw him like a second dad for so many years.

I also had a family reunion this week. My family all came together to celebrate my brother James birthday, but instead of celebrating my brother everyone was too busy talking about my weight gain. I hate how I look so much. Why couldn't I have been born like my cousin Jenny. Everyone loves Jenny. She's a skinny 5'3 girl with blond hair and blue eyes. My family always tells me I should be more like her. Once for my birthday my aunt bought me a bunch of weight loss CDs. After that I stopped eating for a while. Then I started loosing weight. My family liked that. Then I lost too much weight in their eyes. They would always come up to me saying "Hey Hailey you have no meat on your bones, no man will ever want you looking like that." After that I started binge eating. Now I gained weight. Now they hate that. I can't do anything right in their eyes. They always say no man would want you looking like that. They would hate me if they found out I like women. Talking about women.

I was at the mall with my aunt and I saw Olivia. Oh Olivia looked so beautiful. She had on such a cool outfit. She had on a black shirt with planets on it with black skinny jeans. She had on converse with bi colored earrings. It's not that cool of an outfit but it seems cool to me since my parents would kill me if I even looked at close like that in the store. Anyways back to Olivia. We bumped into each other at the food court so I said hi. My aunt was in the bathroom so I started talking to Olivia. Once my aunt got out of the bathroom she was so mad I was talking to Olivia. She forced me out of the mall. I was so embarrassed. I feel like my aunt hates me.

At least I was with my aunt instead of at home hearing my parents fighting. I can't wait for school to start again. I hate summer, everyone loves it but summer just means I have to stay home hearing my families hateful talk and my parents constantly fighting. I'm also excited to see Olivia at school. School doesn't start for a little over a month. But I have band camp starting next week. I'm so excited. I get to spend the whole day away from home and my family, and I get to play with Olivia.

I really like Olivia, I make up little senecios in my head of me and her when I'm sad. It really cheers me up.

It's getting late and I should really sleep. I'll write here soon. These journals really make me feel better.