stray kids x Hyunjin

Changbin x Hyunjin

Ship: Changbin x Hyunjin

Genre: Angst

Contains: one-sided relationship, implied sexual content

Author notes: N/A

It isn't that Hyunjin has never been with a boy before, that is because he have been with quite a few.

It isn't that Hyunjin has never been in love with someone he shouldn't, because he has.

It's because Hyunjin has never wanted those moments, But right now he really wants Changbin's attention and love.

He desperately wants to believe that when Changbin pushes him gently to his knees or into his mattress that it means something. He wants to believe that Changbin is only his, and that Changbin's actions are all love and pure, not by any other lustful entity beneath the surface. 

The first time it happened, they were both drunk. It was another celebration for Stray kid's win  and they celebrated with the group in their dorm with expensive beers. Everyone passed out and asleep, but just Changbin and Hyunjin still awake, scrambling into a random room not sure who's they've went into.

Hyunjin had leaned over to kiss Changbin, too drunk to be totally conscious of what he was doing, and Changbin kissed him back with a harder force. They were reckless and noisy about it and Hyunjin had woken up naked and thoroughly confused. He and Changbin didn't talk about it, because the first thing that hit Hyunjin upon realizing a simple one.

Changbin has a girlfriend.

And Hyunjin thought it would end there because Changbin had a girlfriend, but it didn't. Hyunjin doesn't understand it. In his own dark delusions, being pliant to Changbin's touches, bending to lust, Changbin realize it's Hyunjin that he needs. 

Hyunjin doesn't quite know what Changbin could ever gains from this. Some sadistic piece of him replies, a pliant, needy body belonging to a naive young boy eager just to be carried around and fuck.  It would be so much easier if Hyunjin didn't know Changbin's girlfriend existed. He wouldn't have felt so guilty.

He hates it; he hates her. It would be so much easier if Hyunjin could hate her for a reason other than who she is, but it's just too hard. She's friendly, pretty, smart and Hyunjin has to fight to act normally around her. 

It makes him sick, he hates her so much it hurts. He hates her just because Changbin really loves her. He hates that she is so sweet and so friendly and he wishes she could just be a bitch. He hates how he acts up just because of Changbin's soft touches.

But Changbin isn't his. Why do they keep going back?

Changbin doesn't love him. Hyunjin was just a toy to him. Hyunjin would always try to scrub the shame off of his skin, but it stuck fast, refusing to be washed away. 

Hyunjin hates it. All of his hate blurs together until it's a massive, oppressive force in the center of his chest and it's suffocating. 

He hates Changbin for making him believe there is something between them.  He hates that he himself lacks strength to leave. 

It isn't because Hyunjin is stupid.

It isn't because Hyunjin is naive.

It's because Hyunjin is needy. A needy slut who craves for another man who has someone else to touch him, and make him feel like something

But Hyunjin will never admit it.

Hi guys! sorry I've have not been writing for a long time, I've just been so stressed during these past few weeks and I have not been able to think of any new ideas TvT. But Thank you if you are still reading this book! 

I have also started a twitter acc where I put most of my idea's in so if you want to check it out this is my acc

Twitter: hyunnjinniee

You guys can also dm me on twitter if you guys want to request some ideas!^^

Thank you for reading! Peace~^^