paradise | aphmau headcanons

mcd headcanons (one).

everywhere we go we turn to paradise !
all i know is that i need you in my life .

— aphmau gives emma , corey ,
molly and dale small gifts and
stays in contact with them since
kyle and alexis are their children
( respectively ) and she was close
with all of the villagers in phoenix
drop village before she went to the
irene dimension and then fifteen
years into the future with some of
her friends . it was a struggle to
reconnect with any of the four of
them at first due to the confusion
and heartbreak aphmau felt when
she first realized they just .. had
moved on because she was no
longer there as the lord . although
aphmau knows they tried , it still ..
hurts so much for her , despite still
talking to them over notes and small
gifts now .

— if you needed to describe what aphmau
feels every night in one word , it would be pain .
aphmau struggles with accepting the fact that
not every person she's lost is her fault , even if
she believes it is . in fact , that's what urges her
to cry herself to sleep some nights .

— aphmau shalashaska , despite being
an actual descendant of irene , can never
accept it . she awash believes that she is
living some stupid lie for her people , even
if it has been confirmed as she has used
her newfound powers before since after she
was bright back from the irene dimension .

— aphmau spends all of the free time
she has to go on small adventures , either
by herself or with someone or multiple people
if they offer to go with her . she goes on these
small quests to look for some form of hope to
confirm that she is not and never will end up
being a descendant of irene , but her hope dwindles
every day due to her finding stuff that isn't important
at all or stuff that points to her being even more
of her descendant , something she despises .

— aphmau sometimes doesn't feel like
the best lady / lord she could possibly be
to the villagers of phoenix drop village due
to all of the adventures , quests and missions
she gets assigned to or assigns herself to ,
leaving phoenix drop village in her head guard's ,
garroth ro'meave's , control . despite trusting
garroth with her own life and being ready to prove
this fact , she will sometimes believe that if she
is gone for a long enough period of time that her
villager's hope starts to dwindle , and she will
quicken the pace to complete her mission , or
whatever is it , always coming back in the end .