Before you wake up🍊

Chapter I - [1]

«It's not like that»

I woke up to a knock on my room door. It wasn't loud, but in the silence of the night it was clearest. I assume a half-lying position and keep my eyes on the door.
- Who's there?" I ask softly and quietly.
- Are you asleep?" came a high, childish voice on the other side of the door, full of silent fear and worry. It was Sanshin, the son of my friend Aloy-na-Kremna.
- No, I'm not," I answered with a yawn.
The door creaked open slowly, and a tricolour's head gradually emerged from the vacant doorway, where darkness could be seen. I only had to look into its wet eyes to guess what had happened.
- Is it that dream again?" I asked, giving the young man a seat on the bed. He only nodded in response and snuggled against me, bowing his head. He tried to restrain himself from bursting into tears, so his sobs were muffled and a little strange.
I hugged him gently, covering him with the blanket and stroking the top of his head. I felt guilty. That he was having these nightmares, that I was always the instigator of all the horror in them was sickening. I was causing his psyche to collapse, and there was nothing I could do about it but comfort him. What a pain.
- It's not real, is it?" Sanshin asks tearfully. "Then why can't I put it out of my mind?
I don't know what to answer. I just looked into his weeping eyes, feeling lost and guilty. My mouth fell open, I wanted to speak, but I couldn't, because there was no other way to comfort him. It was making it hurt.
Tricolor kept looking at me, as if he could read my eyes. Maybe it was clearer in them than I could hear out of my mouth... He lowered his gaze down, snuggling up to me again.
- Maybe I just never saw the truth.

***

In the morning, I quietly left the room and moved to the kitchen to prepare a meal. However, as I opened the fridge, I stopped and, closing the door, pulled out a vial of traglomycin from the cupboard. I put it on the table, and next to it I put an orange and a cutting board with a knife, not forgetting the syringe. After cutting the orange into two equal parts, I opened the vial, took the syringe and filled it with the liquid, tucking it all into the half of the fruit. And, hiding it so that the little guy wouldn't find it, I ate the half. After a couple of minutes, my throat was scratchy and a cough was coming out of my mouth. It was more like choking, though. Covering my mouth with my hand, I could feel the blood spewing out of my mouth and dripping slowly down my arms, stopping a few millimetres from the bandages. I fell to my knees, hunched over and covered my eyes.
This is how I punish myself every day for the suffering I bring to the one I care most about. I found no other option. Or rather, there were many options to punish myself, but I wanted to suffer because I felt that I should suffer far more than Sanshin did.
It was all coming to an end. I breathed intermittently, opening my eyes and looking at my hands with mute horror. They were stained with dark burgundy blood, if not completely black. Rising from my knees, I open the tap so as not to stain the handle and my hands. When the blood is viscous and like nasty clots, washing it off becomes a truly difficult task. However, I had to hurry. I washed my hands and wiped them with a dry towel, so I cooked an omelette and put the kettle on to boil water.

When everything was ready, I sliced the omelette, put two equal slices on the plates and put it on the table next to the mugs of tea. In the middle of the table was a wicker oval deep plate, in which was already sliced rusty bread.
Unhurried footsteps were heard in the hallway, followed by both the shadow and its owner, sleepily rubbing his sleepy eyes.
- Good morning, sleepyhead," I said with a smile, taking off my apron and hanging it in its rightful place. There was only a nod in response. Sanshin sat down and began to eat, and so did I. The food helped to take my mind off my thoughts and just focus on eating. And it visibly lifted my spirits. However, looking at the tricolour, the mood visibly changed. He was tired and his gaze was aloof. I was well aware of what was wrong, but never said so at breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Plates, like mugs, are sent to the sink. I take up the dishes.
However, someone else's small arms gently wrap around my waist, pressing against my back. I turn my head, staring at the stranger's hands incomprehensibly.
- Do you mind if I go to Gaot?" asked Sanshin timidly, pulling away slightly. I only blinked in surprise.
- Oh well. In the meantime, tell him I'll be there at eight o'clock in the evening.
- 8 p.m.?" the tricolour asks in surprise, instantly withdrawing his hands and coming around to his side.
- I'm only there for a few minutes, don't worry.-I tried to convince him with a smile as I finished the dishes.-There's certainly no hickory attacking you in a couple of minutes.
"Lie..."
Only a tentative, rather resigned nod, accompanied by a sigh, was answered.
- Just please don't be too long.
- Whatever you say.
Afterwards, Sanshin left and I headed for the basement.
"Why do I keep lying to him?"
Stopping at the doorway, I stared into the darkness of the small room, trying to spot the glint of a red pentagram circle. It was gone, however.
- You bastard!" I hissed through gritted teeth, stepping into the room and groping around. There was no eralonia in the pulpit, and the circle simply turned pale. "That scum stole the eralonia!
I slammed my fist into the wall, leaving a small crack in the latter. Then I grabbed my head, full of anger.
- How dare the bastard?!" I growled.
I could have been raging like this forever before I was hurt. Instantly frozen with fright in my eyes, I looked down at my hands. My fingers looked more like sharpened claws and got a little longer. Without thinking, I rushed upstairs, grabbed a flask of cristoptic race from the room, and took a sip of it. The claws disappeared and my fingers returned to their usual state. With a relieved exhale, my gaze passed grudgingly over the amount of liquid left in the flask.
"Only enough for three times."
Tucking the 'temporary healing' away, I sat down on the bed and tried to think.
- How dare the Nazi? He'd promised. I warned him...
"I'll find him and tear him to shreds wherever he is now...! If he deigns to commit such insolence, I must have warned him badly."
I wasn't going to get my head completely full of it. After all, I would be meeting Gaot again at eight o'clock in the evening, which meant that I was not the only one who would be racking my brains. So, while I had some free time, I decided to do some housework.