𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒂

01.

─ ⊹ ⊱ ☆ ⊰ ⊹ ─

"Dear Taehyung,

It's already been a year today since we broke up.

365 days separated from each other, passed with such agonizing slowness and speed that before I could blink, the warmth of your being that warmed me from my body to the deepest, innermost recesses of my soul, was only a distant memory in my mind.

and nothing makes sense anymore.

My life is like in a dream, the days go by one after the other, I contemplate the world and I think of you.

I'm sorry I didn't write to you sooner by the way. To be honest, I didn't know where to begin. It is quite delicate to find the right words to say.

I can't even imagine what you felt when you received this letter this morning.

Maybe you were drinking your black coffee on the balcony like every day, enjoying the calm and silence of a still sleeping city, breathing the soft fresh breeze. I still remember waking up every morning hours before my alarm, just to admire your profile cut through the colors of the dawn.

I imagine you opening the envelope with furrowed brows; perhaps you're intrigued, surely confused or even furious, phalanxes clenched so tight they turn white, wondering with what audacity I dare to send you this from my hands that don't even deserve to write your name.

I know it. I know it and still I...

And I'm ashamed to tell you that I hope you're reading me, because that means that maybe, maybe, you still live at our safe place— I mean your place, in this spacious apartment too small for all the love we had. In this place brimmed with countless memories of us—  of you and me.

Do you remember the first time we walked in it, putting our heavy bags on the floor and wiping the sweat from our foreheads ?

It was a sunny summer day, we were wearing matching shorts and the appartment we just bought with all our savings was decrepit. The wallpaper was peeling off and the parquet floor was flaking, there were holes in the kitchen walls and no water in all the taps in the apartment.

I was discouraged, there was too much work to do and I didn't believe it, but you told me,

"Look darling, this is our new home. I'm going to arrange it in such a way that we'll feel here like the last two people on earth. Just you and me, in our safe place."

Of course you did; I never doubted you.

And you, oh you were so proud. So happy, hugging me so tight against your heart.

But if you knew that you already made me forget everything else, just by being close to you.

I only look at you, why would I need anything when you are everything to me ? Taehyung, my whole world.

So you know, I think a lot. A lot nostalgic of the love I once had.

And as I recall each room, I remember every sensation.

Your hands on my waist when I cooked, your hair tickling my forehead when we watched one of your old black and white movies, your hoarse sighs in the crook of my neck when you were passionately making love to me in those silk sheets that I like so much.

You bought them especially for me because you knew how sensitive my skin was, remember? A smooth baby-like skin, you always said.

Memories, ouch.