Closure

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I was sitting on a picnic cloth as I was staring at the glazing stars while feeling the cool breeze and hearing the sound of the waves. I observed my batchmates as they danced, ran, and laughed.

I felt someone standing beside me. "Can I sit here?" I heard a familiar and manly voice. I realized who he was; I felt my heart beating fast. I remembered him after years of no communication and presence of each other. I just nodded without looking at him as a response.

When he sat down beside me, he didn't talk, neither did I. That silence went on for minutes until the sudden broke of silence. "Hi," he said. "Hello," I replied, which filled awkwardness.

"You've changed." He randomly uttered. "I did, all people do, but it's up for them to decide whether they'll change or not." I suddenly responded. "Well, I don't think you changed because you wanted to. It seems visible that you changed because of your surroundings." He gradually said. "I don't know. It's up for you to believe anything." After that, we went silent again.

"You seemed very opaque compared to before." I just nodded at his statement while still looking at our batchmates. "Seems random but did you ever felt that I liked you?" With that, I looked at him and brought my attention back in front.

"I did." Reminiscing the times, I noticed that he liked me. "Was it obvious?" He asked. "Oo, hahaha" I can feel that he's very embarrassed. "Wow, hahaha Buti nag Tagalog ka na, Akala ko mag eespokening dollar tayo rito hanggang matapos usapan." He said while laughing. I laughed with him again; I felt a comfort I felt before.

"Pero, can you explain how obvious?" He asked. "Well, first of all inaasar tayo ng mga kaklase natin, at first I thought that it was normal dahil palagi naman nila tayo inaasar." I explained my side without facing him, but I could really feel his stare.

"Second, I'm actually not sure pero when I was still active in sharing memes or whatever, you kept on reacting to it." I said "Malay mo sadyang mabait lang ako hahaha." He laughed again; ever since then, his laugh always brought comfort to me.

"Maybe, but you once messaged if you can stalk my Facebook account, hahaha," I said, which brought him embarrassment. "Grabe, hahaha." I went to think of another reason which resulted in silence again. I don't know if I should say it.

A few minutes passed by, and I finally got the courage to do so. "One more." I caught his attention. "Remember, back in 2019, you set your Instagram bio to my name, hahaha." I can't stop laughing remembering Kung gaano ito ka korni. He froze, but later laughed with me.

"Pero, Alam mo ba Raze na I felt how you showed mixed signals." My straight face went back. He slowly nodded. "I don't know. It made me hopeless since you liked another girl the next month."

"Hopeless?" He questioned. " Oo, I also liked you." more like loved. He was shocked. "What's so shocking?" I chuckled. "I didn't expect it. I mean Akala ko unrequited love pero we had mutual feelings," he said that caused silence between us.

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi saakin?" After a few minutes of silence, he talked again. "What for? Will it keep our friendship? Will it benefit us? Will we still be close?" I replied with a soft voice.

"Raze, we were close friends. We grew up being paired in contests. You were one of my friends after Max transferred. I was so genuinely happy with our squad. I don't know what happened. I didn't confess because I didn't want to risk our friendship. After all, it means so much to me." He was silenced.

"Pero I guess tinadhana na talaga na mawala ang friendship natin. Kahit anong gawin natin ay hindi na natin maibabalik and dati. Kung saan masaya tayo. We are like strangers with memories now or maybe batchmates, just batchmates and nothing else." I said as if i finally accepted it. but the truth is I haven't.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry if nawala yung friendship natin. Yung communication natin." his eyes got teary. "Bakit ka nag-sosorry? Pareho tayong may kasalanan, tanggap ko naman eh." I confessed without hesitation.

"Pero still, because of me hindi na tayo nag-usap after mag start ng pandemic. I made a distance from my old friends." He replied sincerely. "Well, wag na natin alalahanin 'yon. Tapos na eh. We're in good terms na, I'm happy, when you're happy." I smiled.

"Let's keep on moving forward, shall we? Hmm." I smiled sincerely and he nodded and smiled back. After that I bid my goodbye while he stayed at the spot watching our batch mates.

After our talk I realized so many things...

There are really people like friends who will make us feel loved and comfort, but in the end not all of them will stay. Each and everyone will move forward, but it's their choice if they will do it together or separately.

Which we both chose to move forward separately. After many years, I guess I'm over with my grief because of our friendship. All I have now is acceptance. Finally!

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⏰ Last updated: Jun 27, 2022 ⏰

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