The day I fell out of love

Chapter 12

I didn't get to our graduation. Extremely complicated circumstances. I also told my parents that I was pregnant but I was not surprised when they hurled hurtful words. Nakakatawang isipin na katulad sa mga napapanood ko ay tinaboy ako nila Mama. Galit sila, galit na galit sila.Naalala ko pa ang sinabi nila sa akin na ang tanga ko raw dahil nagpabulag ako sa nararamdaman ko. Sinabihan lang ako na mahal at pinaramdam lang sa akin ang presensya ko ay bumigay na ako. Tama naman sila. May sama ng loob ako sa family ko dahil sa pagtrato nila sa akin but I can't deny the fact na minsan naiisip ko na sana pala nakinig na lang ako sa kanila. Sana pala sinunod ko na lang ang mga sinasabi nila kahit na nahihirapan at nasasaktan ako. Kung sinunod ko sana sila, hindi sana ako naghirap mag-isa. As in mag-isa.

Life is not easy because many trials and errors will appear before reaching the finish line.

Teenage pregnancy is not a joke that teens should make. I won't find a sweet word to sugarcoat teenage pregnancy. Marami sa kabataan ngayon ang humaharap sa ganitong sitwasyon dahil sa pagiging bulag sa realidad. However, some teens are involved in teenage pregnancy for a variety of reasons. Some of them are victims of rape, in love, not yet well-developed when it comes to thinking, and some are like me ... thirsty for love.

I admit that it's a nightmare for me. Maraming kulang sa pagkatao ko at mas lalo akong nawalan nung nangyari 'yon. I lost both of my parents reason why my relatives are blaming me. I lost friends, shelter, and the man that I love.

Teenage pregnancy makes me lost everything.

I'm craving for the love that my parents can't give. I crave for the affection towards my friends. My heart was full of sadness and emptiness so I persevered to feel complete. This world is so unfair because it doesn't seem to favor me at ang lalaki na akala ko na magpaparamdam sa akin na buo ako... na ipaparamdam sa akin na mahalaga at mahal ako ay 'yung lalaki na iniwan ako.

Akala ko papanagutan ako.

Akala ko minahal talaga ako.

Akala ko... mahal ako.

He promised me a happily everly after but it all turned out to be a lie. Ang akala ko na lalaki na sasamahan ako lumaban... umiyak... mananatili pero...mas pinili na kalimutan lahat ng may connection sa'kin. I thought he would suffer with me because he loves me and when you love someone you will not let them suffer alone but... he broke me into pieces.

I was left

I suffered alone

I was destroyed

There are not enough words to describe how much I suffered. Every night I cry because I also blame myself for losing my parent. Walang tao ang tumutulong sa akin na punasan ang aking luha na gabi-gabi lumalabas. Walang tao na masasandalan at makakapitan ko. Walang tao na handang pagaanin ang nararamdaman ko. They all look at me like a misfortune. No one ask if I'm okay. No one try to reach me out. No one try to comfort me. Wala... kahit isa.

Don't I deserve it? Cares from others? Lean to someone? Wala ba akong karapatan na maging masaya? Don't I deserve to feel complete? Hindi... hindi ba p'wedeng maramdaman ko rin ang pagmamahal, pag-aalaga, at pag-aalala mula sa ibang tao? Did I deserve this world?

Ilang beses ko nagtangka na tapusin na lang ang buhay ko just to make my life easier. I don't deserve the world... but my baby deserve it so I fight back. Lahat ginawa ko para makapag-ipon sa panganganak at para matugonan ang sapat na pangangailangan namin without the help of my child's father.

"You should apologize to her, Heaven." Ma'am Vea uttered as she please my daughter.

We're here inside my daughter's classroom. Pinatawag ako rito para pilitin si Heaven na humingi ng tawad sa ibang tao. I looked at my daughter's face, onting salita pa ata ng teacher niya ay iiyak na 'to ng malakas. The way she hugged my waist and cover her face at my back give me a hint.