perilous endeavor

war and peace

  The palms of my hands dripped with sweat yet remained steady and motionless. My right hand strangled the butt of a gun that'd been drenched with the blood of my oppressor as my left arm laid lifeless beside me along with said oppressor. The blood engulfed my open legs as they sat cradled beneath my person. tattered robes that wrapped itself in my person rose and fell against my ebony skin. I could only hear the light, soft beating of my heart like the footfalls of a innocent child skipping through town without a care in the world. My eyes were fixated on the girl that now stood above me. The girl's golden hair extend down as if to pull me above my personal atrocities its middle parting fenced her face within it it was like a road to her alone. Her eyes glistened beneath the still barn light that beamed from heaven was like a pleading angel begging god to show us fragile humans mercy. her thin white dress seemed to shimmer and blend with her glowing, white skin. I'm sure she'd soaked the balls of her shoes in blood, her hand was lightly perforated with sweat, and she'd dirted the lower edges of her porcelain dress. I'm sure the smell that I'd grown accustomed too could kill a normal man. the barn was riddled with rats, disease, and piss.  Hay, dirt, and now blood collected against the floor. The holes in the walls and ceiling provided the light that the singular lightbulb hanging from a string didn't. Even so, even in a place like this, a scene like this played out before us. A singular corner of her mouth rose vigilantly as if to challenge the very artist that provided every pain staking stroke required to capture her beauty. her eyes seemed to dry lightly and shine brilliantly as her lips parted from enclosure. She spoke clearly, without a shutter, she didn't scream yet her voice filled the space bringing us back into the realm of reality. Gentle, kind, forgiving and freeing her voice lifted the chains of oppression and brought me from bondage. Her voice fueled the fire within and challenged the coward who'd ignore the call. her hand slightly lifted my head as she spoke. She said "rise."

      It was like my soul had been lost amongst the darkness. Her voice carried me forward through the battlefield of my mind. My fight was not over and This was not freedom. My face began to tingle as my eyes watered gingerly little streams seemed to caress my face. Unacceptable. That word rang from the bottom of my heart. This was no place to die. This is not where my story will meet its end. I bit my tongue as the bitter taste of iron slipped quietly down my throat. Rise. "Don't tell me what to do."  Emma moved back gingerly her face unable to maintain a smile among this sea of blood. she nodded lowering her head gently. "You're welcome" she whispered quietly to herself with the hint of a smile in her voice. Even in this abysmal scene I could tell that emma had alot of emotions going on. Fear, rage, loss, distress, but among them was also pride. we've lived here all our lives. I could  see it in her face back then. Fear, that paralyzed her for years. I couldn't ask anyone to fight my fight yet I couldn't risk fighting cause there were too many things I could never sacrifice. locked in this purgatoral mindset I never moved an inch. All I could do was watch as people ran further ahead of me only to be hunted like dogs. I needed to protect my family but I see now that keeping them here, staying here any longer.... I glanced at what was once my mother. You'll either die fighting or live on regretting it till they kill you. Emma would occasionally leave little boxes of food and books. She'd shown a few of us how to read and I think most saw her as some kind of saint. She'd eased the burden as carefully as she could. we'd occasionally spend time reading in the dead of night, talking, teasing and sometimes sharing opinions but mostly arguing. It all started as a stopgap a way to ease her conciousness as a child. I know what  kind of person she is and I know she knows it too. A halfhearted coward. She's just as lost as all of us. I'm not a wise man I just know her well enough to tell.Someone needs to show her that it's not all for nothing. I chuckled. Sorry I kept you waiting. If you put your all into it you can rise above the fear that lies within your heart and move forward. All this time we've spent sneaking, hoping, hell dreading, the day we'd be called forward. There's a day when we all must rise. My left arm twitched, I pressed it against my leg and gripped it. I closed my eyes letting out a shuddered breath, I clamped my teeth together as the fire within began to boil over. I struggled to find my footing with a foundation slick with blood. I straightened my arm and then my back standing mighter then any king.Today, I rise.