A Rooftop Encounter (Short Story)

chapter four.

I knew exactly what a panic attack looked like, due to the fact that I used to have a friend who suffered from them. His name was Nathan.

His ones used to occur every time we would have a test in school, even if the test didn't really count for anything. He would just seize up and have trouble breathing.

It was quite scary to witness sometimes. But because of him, I knew the signs and realised that that it was what had just occurred to me. I didn't really know how to react at first. It had never happened before.

Eventually I drifted back into reality as my breathing began to slow. Smitty's hand was still placed on my back gently and was more noticeable now. I was really glad she was here. I think I would have been panicking for a lot longer if I was alone or she wasn't sitting so close, reassuring me.

"Don't worry..." She breathed, a scared shakiness in her voice. I felt guilty that she had had to witness this because I knew it always may you feel hopeless when you didn't know what to do or the right thing to say.

She had done well though and in roughly ten minutes, my heartbeat was practically back to normal.

"Man... Are you sure ya alright? I-I can take ya to the hospital?" She offered.

I shook my head quickly, "N-no, I feel okay now... I'll be alright..."

There was no way I was going to a hospital. I hated them with a passion. Although who really likes hospitals? Besides, there wasn't anything physically wrong with me. Technically, it was all in my mind.

I made sure to keep inhaling deeply so that my body relaxed. My arms felt sort of achy now though, where I had had them so tensed.

The soft, night wind blew through my hair and I closed my eyes for a second, taking in the gentleness of it. That had been one of the scariest experiences of my life, but I felt at peace now.

It was then that Smitty removed her hand from my back and instead placed it on my arm. Her expression was still troubled, but she didn't say anything for a long time. The two of us merely sat silently, listening to the sound of sweet nothing. Everything still felt so blurry to me.

"S-Sorry..." I muttered under my breath, swallowing hard. I felt her hand grip my arm a little tighter and she shook her head.

"Hey, it ain't your fault... I shouldn't have asked ya so many questions... I can see why that would be, like... intense..." She said, pursing her lips.

Then, she did the unexpected gesture of leaning her head on my shoulder tenderly, still grasping onto my arm. I didn't really know why she was doing it, but it definitely made me feel a lot safer. Just her presence next me caused a warm glow to surge through my body. It was like a jolt of electricity was running through me now our bodies were touching. I liked the feeling a lot.

She never asked me about whether or not I suffered with anxiety. In fact, she never asked about what had actually happened at all. Did she even know what had happened? Did she have experience with panic attacks? I wanted to ask her these things, but I thought it was best to just completely steer clear of the topic altogether.

"Y'know... ya shouldn't do anything ya don't wanna..." She said quietly, a slight firmness in her voice, "If there's one thing I've learnt is... well, that ya shouldn't live your life for other people. Do what makes your happy... If ya ain't happy with something, then don't do it."

This hit me hard. Her advice was so raw and truthful that I didn't really know what to say. I couldn't have said anything truer if I tried. It was as though things seemed a lot clearer now that she had worded it so simply.

Happiness was the main goal in life, right? If you are not happy, then maybe you're just not striving far enough. I think that happiness can be found in the weirdest of places.

Take me for example. I was on top of a grotty, old shopping centre roof with a girl I had only known a few hours after just having my first panic attack and yet, I felt happy. Maybe it wasn't the conventional happiness of wanting to jump around excitedly for joy, more like a content, subtle happiness. I liked that.

"T-thanks..." I responded finally, finding my voice again. My throat had been feeling quite dry, but I tried not to fixate on it too much. It wasn't really that important at this moment.

"Ya know I'm glad I'm up 'ere with you rather than in some dirty pub with the guys..." Smitty admitted hesitantly. Her mouth was very close to my ear and I felt her breath against my cheek. Granted, it sort of smelled like cigarettes, but oddly I didn't mind.

My heart missed a beat at the softness of her voice and the warm feeling in my chest had reappeared. I wasn't familiar with this feeling. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. All that I knew was that I didn't want it to go away.

"Me too..." I whispered in reply. I could literally feel my pulse racing around my body. This felt so intimate, which put me on edge. I didn't have much experience with girls, because I was always so shy and timid.

I prayed that she couldn't hear me gulping with nervousness. I didn't want to let her know I was the slightest bit anxious because that could be embarrassing. But I think she sort of hitched on.

After a few minutes, Smitty lifted her head from my shoulders and I felt a sense of emptiness. I wanted her to lean back into me. I then noted a sly smile etched across her face. She gazed into my eyes, our faces inches apart.

"Y'know what always calms me down when I'm scared?" She disputed, giving me a meaningful look. I cursed myself for letting my emotions be so obvious. Of course, she could tell I was scared, I had been practically been shaking like a leaf.

"W-what?"

"Music."

I immediately nodded, agreeing with her. Music did seem to the best healer sometimes. It can take you away from your harsh reality and lead you into a wild array of different emotions and thoughts. I thought it was a very good suggestion.

I began rummaging in my pocket for my mobile phone and headphones, although I wasn't sure how much music I had had on there. I found my headphones to be a tangled mess. Why did that always happen? It was so frustrating, especially when this was to be a somewhat romantic moment. It totally killed the vibe.

I started to unravel them quickly with my numb fingers, but Smitty shook her head and pulled my hands away.

"Actually... I've got a better idea..."

I didn't know exactly what she meant by this, but I think I was about to find out...