A/N I'm sorry but I'm back

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    Okay, bestays, I'm back from being gone for like a million years and I'm so sorry for that, but I've had like the busiest month and I didn't want to go to any of the events that my parents made me go to. 

 I had to go to a party for a girl that I barely know, I had to go to her after party, I had a party and event of my own, it was my brother's birthday, we had to go to Nebraska, it was just a shit full of stuff.

        I haven't posted because of that and also something happened in Nebraska and I will share it here.



So, we were at a party, I was zapateando(Zapateando: A flamenco dance with a rhythmic stamping of the feet) , I was dancing in heels, which was a big mistake, Father was drinking.  In my point of view, a father's job is to protect his family no matter what situation he's in. A mother's job is to protect  her children. An older sister's job is to protect her younger sibling(s). Well, Father didn't follow his job. His 'role' in the family. He did the complete opposite of his role. Father, well, he...he wanted to stay back to hang out with his compadre, yk, drink some more. My mother, brother, and I wanted to go back to the hotel.

   Mother suggested that he stay back as he like and we go back to the hotel, Father wanted to stay back but he was being an annoying little shit and decided to make a fuss about it. He didn't want to give mother the car keys because he wanted to drive. Aunt came over to mother, who was crying, Aunt convinced father to give mother the car keys, Aunt told them not to argue. I thought it would stop there, right?

Ahah, ahaha, if only the world  worked that way. When they got in the car, Father said they were acting like kids. I thought this couldn't result in anything bad. I was wrong.

He called my mother a name and my mom said that he was the one who deserved that name, father asked why, calmly at first, then more and more aggressively, getting all up in her face. My brother was getting scared, luckily I had brought my headphones which make it hard to hear, even when nothing is playing. But like I said, an older sister's job is to protect her younger sibling(s).

I had experienced their arguments before. My brother hasn't, he's only just a 4yo, I didn't want him to go through what I went through as a child. Mother had told father to hear himself and look at how he was acting. 

Father had been yelling at mother, accusing her of always wanting to make a fuss of things, Mother doesn't like that, Mother isn't a masochist, I'm the one who's a masochist, not her. Mother was being sarcastic and saying "Oh yes, I love it"  Father was telling her... more or so yelling at her "Why don't you get out of the car right now, huh?!?"

Mother had replied that she shouldn't be the one to get out of the car and it should be him, at some point they got out of the car to argue. Little brother had been crying silently. 

Father was yelling at mother "YOU'RE TRAUMATIZING THEM, ONE OF THEM IS CRYING BECAUSE OF YOU" . It wasn't her her, it was father.

Father has stolen the keys from mother, I heard him calling her names and slurs, swearing at her, at some point, I heard mother yell, or scream. It was a cry of pain and agony. I heard it all.

I wanted to get out of the car and do something. I really wanted to, I really did, but I was too scared to do anything, what was I going to do. My legs were too tired from all the dancing, I wouldn't be able to kick him, I didn't have anything with me, unless you would want me to stab him with a pencil or hit him with my apple juice.

I couldn't do anything, I was scared for my brother, mother, and myself. For one thing, if I left my brother, he could get kidnapped, he could get more scared, I don't wanna give him trauma. For another thing, Mother is out there with father, he's drunk, he probably hurt her, I didn't know. I myself, could get myself hurt, possibly, hurt father badly. My legs were weak so the possibility of me being hurt was more likely. They came in the car. Father kept yelling at her to not cry. But what does he think we are, artificial intelligence? We're humans, we need to express emotions and we have emotions. We all need to cry from time to time. But no, he thinks we shouldn't cry, he thinks we need to keep a straight face all the time. By the time we got to the hotel, Mother had stopped crying, all her makeup was ruined because of him.

Father fell asleep as if nothing happened, Mother had to get all cleaned up, Brother and I had tried to sleep, he slept with me because he was scared of father. Mother did too, she slept with me and brother because of him. We then fell asleep, I kept waking up. If you thought it ended there, then you were wrong.

I woke up, I didn't know what time it was because I kept my eyes closed. I heard everything that was happening, I pretended to sleep alongside my brother, but... I had heard mother crying again, I heard say "Because of you"  or atleast, that's what I made out. My brother had woken up which was my cue to wake up. He had been telling mother that he didn't like father. 

The ride back home was quiet, no one really said anything, you could just hear my nintendo, the music father was playing, and the videos brother was watching, nothing else, nothing more.

   Thanks for listening to my rant, I'm sorry for wasting your time by having you read this but I'm glad you listened to my rant. Thank you <3

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